Finale My mother always says, “They’ll forgive you anything if you have a strong finish.” Well for the finale I was in LA with some great friends that I lovingly call “My LA Gays” and at the finish of this season there were a lot of strong opinions but on this final Runway, here are mine.   Designers (ala A Chorus Line): God, I hope I get, I hope I get it Will Bryant Park give me the win?   Having watched for three seasons, I have to say this finale was the closest in Runway history for me. These four designers have consistently evoked emotions in us usually reserved for Olympics events and the Oscars. Olympic Fashion Week did not disappoint.   I don’t know that any of us were truly surprised when Jeffrey was “cleared” in the second scandal (Keith being the first) of season 3 but would questions about his receipts and being over budget tear his dreams at the seams?   Laura gets my final Quote of the Week about Jeffrey with, “I want to beat him on the runway, not in the accountant’s office.”    The Shows Jeffrey’s collection ranged from polka don’ts to the two final green Beetlejuice cabana striped looks better suited for my lawn furniture than the Runway. His music was as scary as his designs.   Uli’s “Champagne and Colorful Print Dreams” collection was perfection, bubbly and effervescent like the designer herself. Her music haunted us and we’re all dying to know what it is and how fast we can get it on our Ipods. (She was the LA Gay Fave)   Laura’s old Hollywood collection reminiscent of the likes of Joan Crawford, BeBe Daniels, and Rosalind Russell was flawless. A class act from the start of the season to the finish how can you not love Laura (or her amazing apartment)? Her music seemed 30’s and today at the same time.   How do you solve a problem like Michael? The fan favorite, he was clearly the novice among the devout seasoned professionals in this abbey of fashion. His music and his fashion was of the street, a street Donna Summer once sang about with the immortal words, “toot, toot, hey, beep beep.”   Judges were Michael, Nina and mother of Fashion Week, Fern Mallis.  Auf’d - Michael was the first to go with Laura next then down to Uli and Jeffrey. We were so sure it was going to be Uli and every jaw dropped when the winner was announced, Jeffrey.   I know a lot of you are swearing you’ll never watch Runway again but deep down you know you’ll be back, we will ALL be next season along with Heidi in hopes our favorite will be the winner next season.   And on a personal note, thank you all for the honor of being your Ultimate Fan Blogger this season. I don’t want to say, “Auf Wiedersehen” like Heidi, I’m a nice Jewish boy so I’ll just say, “Shalom” and hope you continue to read me at www.somelikeitscott.com  Episode 13 - This episode needed to come with Xanax!   “Do what we know you can do” Tim “Do not play it safe, amaze us” Heidi   “White. A blank page or canvas. The challenge: bring order to the whole. Through design. Composition. Tension. Balance. Light. And harmony.” George from Sunday In The Park With George - Sondheim   They did what they could do and they amazed us. They brought composition, tension, balance and light. All that was missing was the harmony on what I consider the biggest cliffhanger in Project Runway’s three-season history!             The countdown begins… Adieu to Atlas and back home for two months of solid designing and sewing. Tim’s visits to the designers bring us Michael’s father getting My Quote of the Week when talking about his support for Michael’s dreams, “Never once did I say Michael, you don’t want to do this…” Tim’s priceless look when Laura’s youngest son greets him with turtle poop. A look into Jeffrey’s troubled past and Uli’s triumph from a small town in East Germany to realizing the American Dream.    5 Days To Runway “They’ll take Manhattan, the Bronx and Staten Island too…” the designers return. Michael and Laura show their obvious affection for one another, Uli joins in but Laura admittedly does not, “jump off the sofa” to greet Jeffrey.   4 Days To Runway The racks roll to the workroom where Tim gives notes. I’m starting to worry about Michael’s collection. Laura delivers her classic style, Uli’s less printy than usual and Jeffrey’s stuff just looks really cool. Tim collects the receipts and Jeffrey is the last to turn them in and seems to be avoiding Tim’s gaze or am I reading into this moment?   3 Days To Runway Jeffrey leaves the room and Laura confesses to the others that she doesn’t think Jeffrey did all his own sewing. “I really have no problem with Jeffrey, I believe it’s his designs but you don’t just pull craftsmanship like that out of your ass.” The three scour over Jeffrey’s collection and agree to confront him. Uli defends Jeffrey but admits she feels the same way. In walks…Tim? Not Jeffrey who comes in a few moments later.   The rest of the show is the Project Runway version of the Tell-Tale Heart, just as dark and tension filled as the Poe classic. Laura tells Tim of her suspicions, Tim tells Laura he’ll tell the producers and they’ll investigate, Laura tells Jeffrey she told Tim and the next day Tim tells Jeffrey they’re investigating. Whew!  Jeffrey claims, “Absolutely not.” And his defensiveness kicks in but yet he seems less vocal than in the past. Guilt? Tiredness? Tim gives Jeffrey an opportunity to come clean telling him that they’ll be looking at his receipts very carefully. This is complete “edge of your seat” stuff here and the trailer for next week showing Jeffrey breaking down as Uli comforts him only makes our hearts and minds race faster. Who can Tell the Tale of how this will all end and can our Hearts take it?     Episode 12 Sung To “Hello Dolly”… Well, Well…Hello, Heidi Well Hello, Designers It’s so nice to have you back where you belong. You’re looking swell, Tim Gunn, we can tell, Keith that you’re still bitter from your early aufing from the show.   How can you not love the reunion show every season? It’s always so juicy good.   All the designers look great and brace yourself for Michael’s braces. I think that almost everyone can agree that their interest is at least piqued as to what Keith might have turned out had he been allowed to stay longer but someone call Oliver Stone because his conspiracy theory for being auf’d from the show was one of the more shocking moments tonight. From stating that he gave the books to producers and they were planted back in his room two weeks later to accusing the PA of showing him the door, while Tim was surprised he “rolled over like a puppy” the night of the auf, he was a pouting puppy for the rest of the show after being put in his place by Heidi and Tim. As Heidi said, “It’s getting too hot, I think we take a break.” And if you listen closely, you hear Keith say over Heidi, “Okay, I thought so.” These are the times you wish you could see what goes on during the breaks!   Laura wins my quote(s) of the week with her, “Seriously Ugly” clip fest and her live classic, “I think Vincent’s delusional.” You certainly don’t have to look too far to see that in the never-before-seen clips of Vincent not being turned on but off for once over the fluff and fold of his laundry. Did anything he wore during the show suggest it wasn’t wash and wear?    From maniacal Malan’s laugh to Angela still seething from the “Mom challenge” the designers who bored during the season worked from the same pattern for this show. No models make an appearance but we get Michael and Nina this year and the designers get to ask the judges about their judgments. They stay true to their decisions and Angela’s dog of an outfit from the “best friend” challenge doesn’t get the reprieve even on appeal. Michael walks away with $10,000 as the “Fan Favorite” but his sweetness has been evident from day one and I think anyone would be hard pressed to find him not the most likeable as a person.   Next week begins the two-part finale where we’ll journey with Tim to see the final four in their natural habitat. The following to be sung to “New Argentina” from Evita – Racks are rolling, the knives are out. Michael, Uli are far from out. I don’t say she means harm but Laura’d give up an arm to see Jeffrey six feet under ground.   A New Project Runway next week I can’t wait for the show. A New Project Runway the Fashion Week Four cannot be and will not be and must not be denied!     Episode 11 Well, Michael Kors didn’t say it tonight so I am, “I’m underwhelmed.” (Add pursing of lips and hand gesture here) After no new Runway last week, I was all ready to sit on the edge of my seat to find out who was staying and who was going to Bryant Park. After all, with the shocking allegations that came out this week that Laura tried to “out” Jeffrey for outsourcing his sewing for his line he showed at Fashion Week and the even more shocking fact that the info came to Laura via her mom who became friendly with Jeffrey’s mom at the “Everyday Woman” challenge, I was more than ready for Runway. Unfortunately, no clues were given tonight about this drama so we’ll have to wait until the finale to see what happens.   The Challenge – Create an outfit that conveys your point of view as a designer. They’ve done their best from recyclables to couture but getting to do anything they wanted seemed the last thing they wanted. Could it be without the frame the designers had trouble painting the picture? Jeffrey proclaims he’s taking a risk, Laura’s playing it safe, Michael is waiting for one of his designs to “jump off the page”, while Uli is preparing yet another print. And although Tim tells the designers to, “Wow those judges.” I felt like Peggy Lee, “Is that all there is?”   The designers must also choose three words that describe them as a designer. Here are the outfits from previous challenges I think went with their words:   Jeffrey – Provocative (High Flying Fashion), Irreverent (Couture De Jour), Romantic (Designer’s Best Friend)   Laura – Glamour (Wall to Wall Fashion), Confidence (Black and White), Elegant (What The Elle?)   Michael – Sexiness (Iconic Statement), Sensuality (Designer’s Best Friend), Sultry (Black and White)   Uli – Fun (Designer’s Best Friend), Life Couture De Jour), Adventure (High Flying Fashion)   My Quote of the Week – Michael about his model, “I even made a white girl look like she had some ass. That’s how damn sexy my dress is.”   Runway Day – The Judges are Michael Kors, Nina Garcia and Teri Agins. Jeffrey’s looks like Betsy Ross had fabric left over but really could only sew rectangles and stars, Michael disappointed in a burgundy blunder the likes we haven’t seen since the couture challenge from him, Laura lays low with yet another plunging neckline with beads on the bottom, and Uli wins the challenge for picking the hemline up of her print this time around. We have to assume that the decision to send all four designers to Fashion Week was one made on past creations and not what we saw tonight. Are we glad all four are going, yes. Are we convinced we’re going to see something new and/or exciting from our designers when they get to Bryant Park? I’m not sure. If they don’t step it up a notch, Fashion Week will become Fashion Weak. And so I leave the designers with Tim Gunn’s words tonight, “Carry On” and “Make It Work” I can’t wait for next week’s reunion show…now that’s going to be some dishy good time!       Episode 10 This episode is black and white and red all over. The redheads are the major focus this week from the first shot. Kayne has his overly boyish confidence while Laura’s red hair may be melting her ice princess façade, having her confidence shaken after her crushing couture defeat.   At the runway Heidi announces the challenge won’t be announced until a Loreal party later that night. Jeffrey realizes like Lorell from Dreamgirls “it don’t take a smarty to realize that even though my man throws confetti in my face, it still don’t make it no party this ain’t no party, ain’t no party, baby.” Heidi announces that challenge winners are back for a second chance so Angela and Vincent thinking like Michael from The Godfather, “Just when I thought that I was out they pull me back in.” are back. However, unless one of the two back from auf win, they’re out again and someone else is going too, much like celebrity deaths, the aufing will take place in three tonight.   The Challenge – Create a cocktail party outfit using black and white fabric. Much like Maria Von Trapp with one set of curtains to make outfits for seven children, the designers will have to use every scrap of fabric they buy on their creations.   Again the redheads take center stage with Laura breaking more by the minute, second-guessing herself and trying to make her outfit look younger admitting that her spirit has been broken. Meanwhile, Michael warns Kayne that his is looking like a “working girl”. Kayne loves his dress (much like the wonderful thing about Tiggers is that, “he’s the only one.”) Speaking of working girl costumes have either of them gotten a gander at Jeffrey’s?   Runway Day – It seems the real challenge is just how much of your extra fabric you can shove in a handbag to meet the challenge requirements. The Judges – Michael, Nina and designer Zac Posen. The Life Of The Party Leaders – Winner Laura, who turned her frown upside down, creating a cocktail creation that didn’t need a shaker, Michael with his Absolut asymmetrical dress and Uli’s one drink too many patterned party print with matching sausage, I mean, necklace. The Party Poopers – Vincent’s no gin fizz of a dress, Angela’s collar made from the leftover popcorn on the bar, Jeffrey’s last call creation and auf’d, Kayne’s black (where is the white?) laced with something dress. And so it’s back to the sequins and the South for Kayne, say what you want, he was fun to have around. Vincent and Angela are still out (Praise the Fashion Gods) but on his exit, Vincent gets My Quote Of The Week, “I’ve been making beautiful music all along. There’s no doubt, you know? And I’ll be making beautiful music the rest of my life. And I do it so damn well. It’s a gift.” (Yeah, like one that doesn’t come with a receipt.) Jeffrey, Laura, Michael and Uli – a fabulously fantastic final four! Cheers!     Episode 9 “I love Paris in the springtime. I love Paris in the fall. I love Paris Project Runway when it sizzles, I love Paris in New York City, fa shizzle.”   The Challenge – Create A Couture Gown (in two days). Catherine and Tim explain how important hand sewing and details are needed to put over a true couture original. Uli feels at home in Paris but the other designers seem to be suffering major jet lag. With all the talk of “not playing it safe” and the “hand work” by Tim, it’s a bit odd that so many of the designers talk about playing it safe…have their ears not popped from the long flight?   Kayne is off to pageant land again with his design and Laura (in her best Marie Antoinette worries, “iz head will be on ze platter”) with Jeffrey who tries to warn him. But he’s got sequins in his eyes so even Tim is wasting his breath on Kayne. Laura gets My Quote of the Week this week when talking about Vincent, “Vincent is like a legend in his own mind.” Vincent tries to strike back later calling Laura’s dress, “The creature from the black lagoon” but Uli gets it more right when she talks about the skirt on Vincent’s looking like a sofa!   Dear Michael is in way over his head with all the hand roushing (remember the last time we saw this much roushing? It was the axe falling on Malan’s wooded creature creation?). Meanwhile, Vincent has the Elmer’s out to finish his dress and God help him when Tim sees it. More shocking than the glue is Vincent dismissing Tim…hmmm, tell me again, about how everything is supposed to be hand-sewn?   Party Day – the designers and their Paris models head out to meet Catherine for judging part one which turns out to be a little like running the Barricade in the scene from Les Miz when Michael’s dress gets bombed with an egg. As the designers talk with Catherine, Vincent wins the award for more sucking up than ever seen before (this season). While the designers love Paris on a yacht when it’s hot, they’re spreading the news, they’re leaving today, they want to be a part of it, New York, New York!   Runway Day - “Broadway, Broadway, how great you are. We’ll leave Paree and saying Oui, to get back to New York!” Judges – Michael, Nina and Richard Tyler. The Winner - Jeffrey who gets his wish of being the first designer in Runway history to win while having immunity. And while the judges are impressed with Uli’s “grown-up” look, the rest of the designers are in by a thread. Squeaking by are Michael, Kayne and eventually Laura. The auf’d one – Vincent, if everyone was happy about Angela last week you have to be in a medicated state (much like Vincent – allegedly) over the auf of Vincent. Anyone else going to miss him “getting turned on” by his stuff? I didn’t think so.  Episode 8 Something’s Afoot! Like a good who-dunnit, this episode was filled with suspense and mystery. First to the untimely death, I mean auf, of two models due to no models last week. The designers had to choose from scratch but all stayed with their current model. You could see the disgust from the other models when the last one “in” was Amanda.   Meanwhile, back on the tension filled runway, Heidi announces…The Challenge – Design an outfit for a hip international jet setter. She also hinted there were benefits to be revealed later - Thank God, Heidi didn’t self-destruct after delivering the cryptic message. Details filled in by Tim were that the designers would design for themselves and be their own models.   Jeffrey eggs Angela on over last week’s events and you can tell there is no love lost here but it’s what I call a “Jimmy Cracked Corn” issue – I DON’T CARE – and besides, it was soo last week! As they all feverishly sketch for 15 minutes you can see that Angela is way out of her league. For her, “jet setting” is “jet setting on the plane waiting for the free peanuts, ma’am.”   Tim, talking to Angela gets My Quote Of The Week – This looks so Junior, don’t you think? Doesn’t this kind of look like Holly Hobbie?” Almost better is Angela’s response of “No, I like Holly Hobbie”   On the roof at Atlas, Michael coaches Kayne on his runway walk and Kayne comes close to my quote of the week when he says to Michael, “Easier for you when you’re from the ghetto, I’m from white trash!”   Runway Day – The Judges – Michael, Nina and Francisco Costa, Creative Director from Calvin Klein. The Jet Set – Jeffrey who finally gets to live his dream as a rock star, Laura going to cocktails and Michael doing his seersucker salute to hip hop. The Flight Crew - Kayne channeling Elvis and Liberace at the same time, Uli’s back to Prints on Parade which is wearing on the judges and Vincent who we’re just glad to see wearing something other than his boxers. But wait there’s too much time left on my Tivo…could be, who knows, there’s something due Heidi says, we will know right away, soon as they show…after the judge’s questions the bomb is dropped that the designers have one hour to pack and get to the airport for a jet set adventure in their new threads.   Holy Merde – they’re off to Paree! The designers fly first class with Tim and arrive at Parsons Paris where they discover Designer Catherine Malandrino who will provide the final points to their score after seeing how their outfits traveled and one person will be headed right back to the US. The auf’d one – Angela for what Ms. Malandrino said, “You are just come in from another world and you are not a jet setter.” She has saved us from having to see any more of the Angela La Vie en rosette!! Viva La France!     Episode 7 Oh what a beautiful morning at Atlas! Although Jeffrey is still shaken by Alison’s auf (a lot of us are), Michael excited about winning again says, “I actually grinned myself a headache.” The smiles and tears of joy continue as the designers discover their mothers and sisters are coming out on the runway as their models for this week. I got a bit choked up too, then again, I cry every year at the commercial where the kid comes home from school and makes coffee for his family at Christmas too!   The Challenge – Create an outfit for the everyday woman. The catch – designers can’t pick their relative as their model. Angela is visibly shaken that her mom was chosen last.   The workroom – some designers seem completely perplexed that there could be someone out there who is larger than a size 0. Where have these designers been, sick or in Europe? Immediate problems arise with the Angela’s mom and Jeffrey teaming, she holds her ground and Jeffrey dismisses her completely. This drama unfolds throughout the episode with these two but my fave moments were Uli’s mom not being able to understand what in the hell Vincent was saying to her (we know, we can’t understand him either half the time) and then at one point, he actually did that, “you-don’t-speak-my-language-so-I’m-going-to-talk-louder-to-you-and-use-big-gestures” technique which is never effective but sooo fun to watch.   Laura on her pregnancy, announced appropriately on the Mom episode, gets my Quote Of The Week – “I don’t think anyone’s really ready for their sixth child. But 5,6,7 it doesn’t make that big of a difference, I’ll just throw it on the pile with the other ones.” Great line delivery and I laughed out loud!   Runway Day – some of the designer’s designs leave something to be desired by their client’s as you see on their unhappy faces as the relatives take the runway. Judges – Michael, Nina and Joan Kors. The Fashion Leaders – Uli for a print pancho on Kayne’s mom, Vincent for a sleek black dress with peak lapel on Uli’s mom and Michael’s reversible shirt dress. Some misfires are Laura’s Anything Goes look (well, anything goes except for putting a high waisted sailor look on a short waisted woman) – she’s dead in the water but saved by good tailoring. Kayne’s orange lobster bib look on Michael’s Mom and Angela’s bad, baggy, black creation from the lagoon on Laura’s Mom. At the bottom of this same lake is Robert with another boring outfit and Jeffrey’s that made Michael Kors say, “I think it was wacky” – the cheese doesn’t stand alone on that one, Mr. Kors! The winner – Vincent. The auf’d one – Robert. I don’t get it, we all had such high hopes for our Barbie designer but week after week he disappointed…makes you think of the Jackie O dress he did – you know, can’t you just see Jackie O on the yacht saying, “Hey Aristotle, do me a favor and throw me that rope, I need a belt!”     Episode 6 Ultimate Fighting Championship or Project Runway? The gloves (opera length, of course) are coming off this week between the designers! Designers meet Heidi, model Nadia is in, Katie out. Heidi announces things have been easy compared to season two and are about to get tougher.   Waste not want not, here comes the type of challenge that comes once or twice a season that the designers want not…The Challenge – Create an outfit from waste (recycled materials). Thirty minutes, three bins, and fifteen minutes in an art store, the designers go through the mounds of recyclables to choose their materials.   Getting my quote of the week is Vicodin Vincent with, “I let things evolve. I don’t own the future. I don’t go there. You know what I mean? I just let it come.” No Vincent, we have no idea what you mean because we don’t have your medication. Are you taking yours?   The biddies from Music Man (Kayne and Robert) “pick a little, talk a little” trash about Laura. The two southern belles seem like Scarlett’s bitchy sisters, picking cotton while Scarlett wears the drapes!   The deadline approaching, Alison forgoes the striped box skirt for a cream colored pony of a creation. Tim comes reminding her that it looks as if one of her model’s Favorite Things is crisp apple strudel. Alison is worried and Kayne realizes he should be too with his dress that he self-admittedly says looks like a toad exploded all over it.   Runway Day – Designers have two hours to fit and fabulize their models. In this corner, another Laura vs. “the boys” bout when Laura says to Kayne, “I swear to God, I worry about…wonder about your choices so often, sweetheart.” Kayne eating a candy bar with legs crossed and pumping like an oil rig comes back with, “Well, honey, I worry about your character and that’s worse so…I’m not gonna be degraded on camera.” Too late!   Judges – Michael, Nina and Rachel Zoe (Request - back to judges who have something to do with the challenge, please!) Confession, had to go back and watch Nina and Michael’s reactions to Vincent being “turned on” by his dress more than a few times. Loved it! The Fashion Leaders – Jeffrey scores with his arty dress complete with Dick Tracy belt, Laura’s “nutty” sleek dress is perfectly “her” and Michael stuns the judges with his Cling Wrap covered bustier! The Winner – Michael for a two in a row knockout which is nothing like Laura’s knockout of Vincent when she finds out…the auf’d one is gal pal Alison. A bad fit will get you every time and speaking of bad, could there be a Bad Seed emerging? A Wendy from season one back in our midst? She is much classier, prettier, more talented, and has more kids but season three designers seem to hate Laura as much as we all hated Wendy. Well, I love her and want to see her and Michael beat box their way to Fashion Week!     Episode 5 Lighting candles and chanting must have worked because this week we got us Michael squared! We got Michael at work, play and on the phone with his Mother and come judging time, Hello Michael, it’s so nice to have you back where you belong.   We finally got to meet a few models. The shake up was the models choosing the designer they wanted to work with this week. Unfortunately, two models were auf’d but to quote Tim, “Somebody had to go.”   The Challenge – Modernize the look of a fashion icon. In the workroom there were ten photos of icons and the models, like they were running for the last diuretic, destroyed the display choosing the right icon for themselves and their designer. I’m almost Strong Enough to deal with Cher being chosen last!   Jeffrey, Alison and Bradley gang up on Andrea. I’m ashamed to admit that my qualifications for this next statement are pretty much that of Dolly Parton’s, “Dr. Shirley” in Straight Talk (or am I more ashamed having just admitted that I know this particular movie?). But could the fight Jeffrey picked with Angela have anything to do with his bitterness from losing to her last week? According to everyone who text messaged in during the show, Jeffrey was right about the fight and who am I to disagree with the same people who clicked to give me this blog? Jeffrey does quack his way into my quote of the week with this classic, “I got one word for Bradley’s top – SupercalifragilisticexpialiCRAZY!”   Day Two - Tim and Top Tresemme designer announce the winner of the challenge; their model and look will be featured in an Elle magazine Tresemme ad. Designers are moving fast and furious (some of their icons would be furious with what they’re doing). Michael changes his mini dress to hot pants, Kayne sells Tim on an added ruffle for his Marilyn creation and Robert steals the words from Tim’s mind by saying about his Jackie O h No! creation, “incredibly plain”.   Runway Day – Robert is smart enough to know his outfit isn’t smart enough. To the runway they go with Heidi “Super Hero” Klum in those boots. Judges – Michael Kors, Nina Garcia and Diane Von Furstenberg. It’s getting easy to see the designers that are good enough to continue on, the ones who did something fabulous and the ones who need to go bye bye. The Fashion Leaders – Angela’s Hepburnesque rosette fantasy, Michael’s Pam Grier inspired hot pink, hot pants ensemble and Kayne’s leather gown of sheer elegance for an updated Marilyn look. The Winner – Michael, which you know I’m delighted about but a bit surprised as I have to admit Kayne’s would do Travilla proud. The auf’d one – Bradley for his as Heidi put it, “old Halloween costume from the mall” for Cher. They finally put him out of our misery and although Bradley’s outfit looked as though it could Turn Back Time, it was not something that said, Take Me Home!     Episode 4 Talk about Mishigas (Yiddish for craziness) this episode has got tons of it.   The Challenge – Design a 3-piece outfit for Macy’s INC line that will be sold in their larger stores.   Model change up on the runway and then to the workroom to meet Mr. Macy’s Sportswear. The designers pitch to Mr. Tangoren and Vincent’s pitch includes this classic, “Gray I feel is very important, I hear it’s going to take the place of brown.” Well, not in my box of Crayolas! The pros (Robert, Keith and Bonnie) feel confident and become team leaders while the shock is Andrea becoming a team leader too.  The teams are chosen and Andrea, choosing Michael and Laura, may be smarter than we thought.   Keith working the Mood staff gets a discount but little does he know…Kayne is working on finding a way to get rid of able Keith. Like the beat up kid on the playground, Kayne rallies underground support from Vincent and Robert and then it’s off to the producers to become Project Runway’s first tattletale creating its first auf by rule breaking. A sullen Tim enters and tells Keith he’s out for possessing pattern books and going missing for a few hours. Kayne, trying for that spot on Inside The Actors Studio someday sits on his bed delighted at the proceedings but desperately tries to act nonchalant. Keith packs up his troubles in his old kit bag, apologizes to the boys and they kick him while he’s down. Who knew we’d feel badly for Keith? We do.   LAK (Life After Keith) – Tim announces Keith’s dismissal (come on, like they weren’t in each other’s rooms like sorority girls all night talking about it). Alison cries but carries on with Jeffrey, vowing to complete Keith’s vision. Robert’s is looking flight attendantish, Andrea (aka Kathie Lee Gifford) makes rosettes while Laura and Michael sweat in the shop to reshape and give taste to her vision, saving themselves and Kathie, um Andrea, from herself. While Bonnie’s design seems more than questionable. Back at Atlas Kayne holds court with his blah, blah sisterhood.   Runway Day – Judges – Vera Wang, Nina Garcia and Mehmet Tangoren. Where is our Michael Kors to cross a leg, put a hand up, purse his lips and utter, “I have to say, I’m underwhelmed”? Come back, little Michael. Immediately you see Andrea and Keith’s designs pulling away but it isn’t hard with Robert’s outback coat that leaves the model’s back business district out thanks to the slit and Bonnie’s vision of sportswear 1975. The two leading teams are told the winner will appear in the Macy’s Herald Square store window tomorrow morning. The auf’d one is Bonnie for the cowl neck maxi tunic and Robert is shamed when Nina says, “Yours was a total bore.” In my mind, Michael and Laura, the class behind the ass, sing ”Give our regards to Broadway for our team won Herald Square, tell all the gang at 42nd street that Andrea should not be there!”   Episode 3 What a way to start an episode, Kayne in bed, with no shirt on, excited about immunity. Quoting Valerie Cherish, “I don’t want to see that!”   To the runway to auf a model but between the model’s name and Heidi’s accent who knows who this girl is or her name? Never mind she’s out. Heidi tells the designers they’ll get their challenge based on fashion’s hottest accessory tomorrow. Just like Annie said it would, tomorrow being only a day away, comes and they hoof it over to Central Park. Coming over the hill like a canine Maria Von Trapp, comes Tim with dogs for each of the designers! The Challenge – design a dress and dog outfit with a story to match in two days.   As the designers scramble to choose their doggy muse, Laura does her best Cruella de Ville/Miss Gulch, taking the last dog not chosen and quickly putting it in her tote, less she have to touch it.   As the designers pick out fabric, Laura gets the quote of the week after viewing Robert and Kayne’s fabrics, “God, mine’s so tasteful compared to you guys.” Quick retort Robert hits back with, “Ah Laura, always mistaking taste and style” Now here’s the clever repartee we’ve been looking for all season. Kayne stands there silent then looks away  - sorry, back to the small bus for homosexuals who aren’t quick or clever enough, Kayne!   The Workroom - Katherine wants to prove herself but looks like the girl who woke up in an unknown dorm the morning after a serious party. Bradley, God love him, looking like a sound guy from a Seattle grunge band seems clueless and his frailty touches everyone including Keith who desperately tries to help him. It’s Bradley’s birthday the next day and he tells Keith that he may not show anything.   Runway Day – Thank goodness for Laura and Keith mixing it up a bit over Michael (fun to watch but not as exciting as that just sounded). Tim gives his usual pre-judge insight, which either makes him truly simpatico with the judges or someone who works the phones at Dionne Warwick’s Psychic Network in the evenings. When looking at Bradley’s ode to The Great Pumpkin top, Tim utters, “If it’s not pretty it doesn’t matter.” Bradley starts stitching.   Judges – Vera Wang, Nina Garcia and Ivanka Trump. The Fashion Leaders - Alison’s stunning white ensemble, Uli’s pattern palooza print fantasy, Keith’s dress and again Michael – the judges stay true to form and ignore him again this week. Nina gets into it with Keith about nothing on the dog (doing his best Ray Charles impression, weaving his head and looking skyward while lying poorly) he is no match for Nina. The auf’d one – Katherine, dull dress with bad execution (the hems will get you every time kids). The Winner – Uli, great dress and story the gal judges could embrace. Alison looked surprised she didn’t win. Guess no one wanted to buy from her Asian fashion buyer.   Episode Two It’s morning at Atlas and everyone loves themselves. Moving to the runway the designers choose models and Candice (whoever she is) is sent home. The Challenge: Design an evening gown for Miss USA to wear at Miss Universe. Kayne, the pageant dress designer for a living (Not sure when he left the touring production of Cats with that hair and the jury is still out as to whether or not those cheeks are implants or so much blush that there’s none left in North America for anyone else) is beside himself. Designers to the workroom where Tim announces they have 30 minutes to sketch and then pitch their ideas to Tara Conner, Miss USA. Angela spends more time up Kayne’s rear then sketching and delighted me with her stupidity when she goes in to pitch her ideas to Tara sans sketch and says, “I don’t sketch.” Followed by, “What do you think of an empire waist? I was thinking gloves.”  You could almost see the “Who is this chick and when will she go away?” thought bubble above Tara’s head! The team leaders chosen by Miss USA choose their partners. (For once the gays are the first picked for a team!) And Angela lo and behold is the last one standing with Vincent calling her Alison as he says he’s delighted to work with her – Oops! Vincent and Angela are the main focus of this episode with their fighting back and forth culminating in the quote of the week by Vincent to Angela, “You have to move three feet away from me.” Angela agrees to split the difference with him and we’re all bored with the two of them. Vincent continues to design. He’s like the head scratching TV detective Columbo except I can’t imagine him solving the crime, just committing them against fashion and he’s moments away from being committed too! Runway Day: Most are looking good, Vincent and Angela continue the feud and Malan, with his half-mast eyes and that fake accent, where is he from? Gaypanastan? Tells the story of going sketches in hand to his mother at 13 and her throwing them to the ground telling him never to do this again, when you see what he’s making you wonder if his mother wasn’t right. His teammate Katherine agrees with his mother and keeps telling him he’ll defend it on the runway, not her. Meanwhile, the dress is too short for the model! The Judges: Vera Wang, Nina Garcia and Tara Conner. Most overlooked (again) are Laura and Michael with a classic and elegant dress. The Fashion Leaders: Uli’s diaphanous creation, Kayne’s crystal and purple pageant extravaganza and Vincent’s green elegance with Judy Jetson sleeves. The Auf’d One: Malan for his wooded creature bunched up top, too short bottom mess dress. The Winner: Kayne but if a pageant designer can’t win the pageant gown competition with Robert, as his boy wonder beside him who’s gonna win, riddle me that Batman?   Episode One This season’s designers made it clear in the “Road To The Runway” that we have a lot more Eva Perons this go round – established designers looking for marketing and publicity, stealing from the musical Evita (paraphrased of course), “They’re hoping the Project will help them or keep them, support them, promote them, don’t blame them, you’re the same.” First we have a look at the designers and let me say first impressions, lasting or not; this bunch gave us an eyeful! A cocktail party on the roof at Atlas found Heidi and Tim looking gorgeous announcing the first challenge would begin immediately. The Challenge: Take materials from their stunning new digs and create dresses. The boys screamed, the girls screamed and before long the fashion locusts had left nothing in the apartments save the beds! Away the designers flew to their workshop to begin. Immediately Stacey was in trouble due to the fact she didn’t know how to use a sewing machine. When Tim used his piercing glance of silence on her dress she had the quote of the week when talking about some piece of embellishment she kept moving trying to gain his approval, “that could be quite neat too or that’s quite special”! Keith stated he had never made a dress in his life but from the looks of things he was either lying or had worn enough to know his way around a hemline. After an evening of sewing, the designers returned to Atlas to discover the place still in shambles, poor things. Runway Day: More sewing and the designers meet their models. The models are all thin and tall, that’s about all you can say for them at this point. Vincent is thrilled with his idea to put an upside down basket on his model’s head while his model seems more delighted she’s wearing dark glasses hoping they’ll make her invisible. The Judges: Michael Kors, Nina Garcia and Kate Spade. The designers are seated, falling in love with themselves as their dress comes down the runway. At seeing his creation Bradley wants to cry, I want to cry that he thinks a gray comforter with armholes is a dress! Most overlooked is Michael’s adorable coffee filter dress – no one talks about it so I am – thought it was brilliant, fun and meets the challenge perfectly. The Fashion Leaders: Keith’s blue bed sheet fantasy, Robert’s “I Feel Pretty” Maria from West Side Story dress and Laura’s stunner of a coat that is fit for the musical Mame. The Auf’d One – Stacey – no surprise here. The Winner: Keith but I wasn’t impressed I mean come on, it’s a sheet so it’s just material like it came off the bolt…what about Robert, Laura and Michael’s ingenuity? Guess Michael Kors was won over by the impish Keith’s soliloquy about Gone With The Wind but frankly my dears, I don’t give a damn!