Gay, Gay, Gayer Than
Gay Must See TV...I Mean, Internet...
Hey Look Kids, It's Season 2!!!!!
Tongues are wagging, hearts
are fluttering, and prostates are tingling nationwide: GAY’S
ANATOMY—the cult hit web series about three young urologists who work hard, play harder, and touch your privates for
are living—is back for a second season.
Episode 1 will be released February 16, 2012 on gays-anatomy.com.
So while you
can click on the logo above to get to the "Gay's" website and can click the links below to find Gay's on YouTube
and Facebook, here's a little something about
the creative minds behind the series you'll all be talking about...
Karina Mangu-Ward and Bobby Hodgson, who write, produce,
and direct the series together, began collaborating as undergraduates at Harvard, where they met the future urologists who
are the real-life inspiration for this series. They've been wanting to partner on something painfully gay for a long time. Karina Mangu-Ward
(co-creator, director, writer) is
a media/theater producer working in New York. She is the General Manger for HERE Arts Center and edits video at DCTV. She likes to follow obscure lesbian plot lines
only available in grainy online video and thinks urology is hilariously gay.
Bobby Hodgson (co-creator, writer, "Marc Merriman") is an actor
and writer who once watched an entire episode of According to Jim because it included a gay subplot.
Welcome to Jacks and
Jills, an online lounge devoted to celebrating the dynamic connection between gay men and the women who love them. This is
a space for meaningful dialogues and social progress, comingled with frivolity and the occasional snippet of good-natured
gossip.
I have been
blessed with female friends for my entire life. When I was growing up the world was different and it looked at me as something
different (true, any six year old who is quoting Paul Lynde instead of looking for a Tonka truck probably can’t help
but be seen as different, right?) sometimes the only friends I had in life were female. I didn’t have to pretend to
be anything else but myself when I was in their company. They didn’t expect me to act a certain way or be something
that I wasn’t. It was really liberating and I learned what being accepted felt like, it felt like friendship. And as
I grew into myself in adulthood I realized that I could pay back the years of girls who stood beside me when bullies attacked
me or made their boyfriends stick up for me, I could tell them that they needed to stop wearing their hair the way they wore
it in high school. I could tell them that the loser they were with had worn down their self esteem to the point where they
could no longer see their fabulousness. Without knowing it I had become a Jack worthy of the Jills who had stood by me in
childhood and adolescence.
Excerpts
from a J+J Article...
I honestly don’t remember the moment I met Jodie. I know it had to be
the summer before I entered high school so let’s say 1979...
I think the amazing part of having a friendship that has lasted over 30 years
is that somewhere you stop defining it and it simply becomes part of your DNA. I recently realized that I have more photos
with Jodie than anyone else in my life...
Plain and simple, this is that unconditional love
you hear about. It’s not a fairy tale, not a myth and I’m pleased to say that it can be achieved between a fairy
and a miss (said with a lisp, it sounds like “myth”) we’re living proof.
“I
believe love is for everyone…homosexual and heterosexual” – Nhojj
Last month black gay soul singer,
Nhojj made OUTMusic Award history for his song, “Love” which was voted OUTStanding R&B/Soul Song of the Year
by the Alliance of LGBT Recording Artists and Performers.
It marked the first time an African-American male won an
OMA.
A few days earlier, Nhojj joined Pastor Joseph W. Tolton of the Rebooth Temple in Harlem when he launched
his “Black & Gay Is Beautiful” campaign with a full page ad in Metro New York, a daily newspaper.
Nhojj’s
award winning song, “Love” celebrates love. His music video “Love” sensitively reflects the mutual
attraction of two male college students. Nhojj shares his voice to combat homophobia. He conveys a simple truth – “love
is for everyone…homosexual and heterosexual.”
Nhojj will soon be featured on Logo on their series NewNowNext Poplab on February 23,
2010 but you can check it out by clicking the photo link below...
Sometimes
amazing things happen when you're not even looking for them. I was contacted about putting the movie Starrbooty (released
on DVD October 30, 2007) on my web site.
Often
I'm contacted about putting a movie or album on my site but this time when I asked for an interview (albeit via email) RuPaul
was generous enough to grant it to me.
What I discovered was something that I think we've all suspected about RuPaul...he is an intelligent, fascinating
creature that dazzles the eye and in this interview stirred my heart. I can't thank him enough for this interview, his kindness
and candor. Thanks
Ru, Scott
I like to say that I myself am an acquired taste, you know like Tab cola
but you seemed to have appealed to the masses right away. (And yes, I’m jealous) Why do you think you were the first
ever mainstream drag queen that had the other drag queens delighted as well as the family with 2.5 children living in Iowa?
Or was the acceptance not as quick as it looked to those of us on the outside? The fact that I became America's #1 Drag Queen Sweetheart has more to do with timing than my unique
ability to convert Betty and Joe Beercan. The window that allowed me to step into the consciousness of the American
family was open for a relatively short amount of time. That window closed after a few short years. The whole issue relates
to our culture's primitive views toward gender. Doing drag in a patriarchal society is akin to an act of treason.
With all the celebrity
bashing from tmz.com to mainstream television, you never hear a bad word about you. How have you managed to escape all of
this? The mainstream press is not interested
in the personal life of an out gay man. They're interested in the parts of my personal life that would support their condemnation
of my lifestyle but nothing else. You never hear about the personal life of out gay men because it would force the public
to see them as human beings instead of hired help whose sole purpose, in their opinion, is to coif and style straight
people. If you saw me as a human being, you would then have to love me. That would force you to deconstruct your belief
system which is flimsy at best and nobody wants to hold their belief system up to the light of day.
Reality television seems to be a genre that just won’t go away, any thoughts on a reality show
you’d like to do, what would it be called? And would there be makeup and hair challenges? You know, Project RuPaul or
something? Well it's all been soooo done
before. The only unique thing I could bring to that genre is my personality.
Now onto some questions about
your film, Starrbooty which is about to be released on DVD… (at your favorite retailer on October 30, 2007)
The film has lots of action in it and looks a lot
like a film I read in one of your previous interviews was one of your favorite films, Cleopatra Jones. Intentional? Absolutely. After I saw Cleopatra Jones the first time, I wrote
it's star the first and only fan letter I've ever written in my entire life.
Due
to the fight scenes, approximately how many nails were broken for this film? It seems we were gluing my acrylic dragon nails on every 5 minutes and not just for the fight scenes.
I know I should be asking if you did your own stunts but what people really
want to know is if you did your own hair and makeup? The term shoe-string budget sounds generous when describing our film. Yes, I did my own hair and make-up.
And now some burning questions
for the Some Like It Scott website subscribers…
Weave
or Lace-front wig, what should the best-dressed drag queens be wearing this season?
Always a lace-front wig, even if she has a full head
of hair.
With so many celebrities being caught without panties, everyone wants
to know if you’ve ever gone out without them? They don't call me Tuck Everlasting for nothing.
Why haven’t
you brought your act to Vegas? Celine Dion is leaving and Joey Arias has been doing Zumanity forever now, when are we going
to see the RuPaul Show hit Vegas? Extended
runs make me stir crazy.
I read in a Liz Smith interview with you that you
wanted to do a remake of Auntie Mame (one of my favorite top three films ever) but maybe call it Uncle Ru and develop it for
television. I think that would be brilliant but besides Auntie Mame, is there any other classic Hollywood movie you’d
like to re-make and what role would you play in it? I'd love to do My Fair Lady and call is My Fair Lady Boy set in the Thailand, of course.
So, the given is that you are an icon and now that you are a recording artist, author, television
and radio personality, film star as well as an actual doll what could possibly be next for you to conquer? I want a child. (That's a joke; I hate children.)
RuPaul and hunky Starrbooty director Mike Ruiz
Click below to watch the Starrbooty movie trailer
Click the pic below to watch the Starrbooty music video
Click below to watch webisode one from the making of Starrbooty - see more webisodes
by clicking on the Starrbooty logo to the right to be transported to the Starrbooty official site!
Shhh...I Miss The Gay Stereotype!
I
know I shouldn’t admit it, more importantly I shouldn’t even say it but say it I must. Shhh – I miss the
gay stereotype. Now before you all get your panties in a bunch, hear me out. It’s not that I miss everything about the
swishy gestures and lisping, it’s just the flouncy, bouncy – fun, fun, fun, fun I tend to miss.
One
of the things that I think has always made Jews great comedians is that they see the humor not only in the world around them
but in themselves. I’m sure it’s some sort of self preservation but I think even in the death camps (that Hitler
owned) there was some laughter, if only as a way to stay sane. Let’s face it, we’ve all had really bad days and
I’ve always found it best to laugh or to at least try to find a way to laugh at the situation.
I read gay sites,
magazines, give to gay charities and so I feel as though I’m a responsible gay man in this day and age but there’s
a real part of me that just wants to go back to the times when all you had to do was rush home to see Paul Lynde in that center
square to know that you were not alone in the world. No matter what the friends, historians and apparently Mr. Lynde said,
the world knew he was gay and while the housewives enjoyed him in spite of his gayness, others of us enjoyed him because we
knew his “secret” and knew ours was just about as thinly veiled of a veneer as the one he wore. His pursed lips
and head bob with an always stinging remark made us laugh and I’m not so ashamed to say that they still make me laugh.
You see, like Mr. Lynde, when I was in high school I thought I was convincing everyone I was straight. Imagine my surprise
when I had more than one person (in fact, several people) come up to me at my twenty year high school reunion and tell me
how brave they always thought I was for just “being myself” through high school. True, it was a little disheartening
to know that I wasn’t as good of an actor as I’d thought or wanted to be but it was amazing to have even guys
who beat me up or called me names apologize and tell me how brave they thought that I was during those four years.
I know
I’m supposed to be running around picking out color choices for the flowers at my guy to guy wedding (no, I’m
not getting married any time soon) and fighting to get the “right” candidate in the White House who will maybe
allow us gays a few crumbs off the political table but sometimes I just want to laugh. That’s right. We gays have become
too serious, too dare I say it? Like the counterparts we once were proud to be different from. I guess we’re trying
so hard to seem like our straight counterparts so that they won’t be so afraid of us when we want to adopt children
or get married but I also don’t want to see us lose our Joie de Vivre.
There are a lot of things I’ll do to get the right
to visit my mate in a hospital or get tax breaks but I won’t (no, it’s not won’t so much as I can’t)
become straight for the privileges that I should have just like anyone else just for being a human being and an American.
I still laugh at Paul Lynde, Charles Nelson Riley and “Jack” from Will and Grace when an episode is on and I’m
not ashamed of it a bit.
Believe me when I say that I get it when my gay counterparts turn up their nose at the swishy gays who say,
“Girl” a little too loudly in a crowded area to get attention. That’s not me either but isn’t it nice
that we aren’t all exactly the same? Isn’t that difference (and all differences) we’re supposed to be celebrating
and teaching our children to celebrate? And isn’t it about time that we let gays know that they can bulk up their bodies
as much as they want to but it’s not going to make them less gay? Sure, it may give them the illusion of the stereotype
of masculinity but masculinity and being a man are two different things and don’t always live in the same body. Yet
good for them if that’s what they need to make them happy.
Look, I don’t expect everyone to be accepting of everyone
else immediately. (I still find it difficult to think of thugs who breed pit bulls for dog fights and to prove their masculinity
as anything but sub-humans) Yet by the way, when most people vote they actually give these people more rights than me because
they’ll take their dog home to someone of the opposite sex.
I didn’t mean to get on a soapbox here. Actually I
started out to talk about the fun that seems to be passing us by in our never ending need to pass as “normal.”
But you see perhaps I’m at a disadvantage as I’ve known I wasn’t normal for a long time. I never wanted
to be a fireman or a cowboy, I wanted to be a performer and before the days of reality television shows, let me tell you that
it made me very different from most of the people I went to school with every day. So I grew up embracing the fact that I
was different instead of thinking it was wrong. In fact, I couldn’t figure out why anyone would want to be anything
else but on television – and now, some thirty years later I find out everyone DOES want to be on television.
Look, I’m not asking for a pansy hall of fame but there were trailblazers who amazingly enough made careers for themselves
being themselves in a time before Perez Hilton was “outing” everyone or before even Bravo became a network. Well,
at least these people were showing us versions of themselves to make us laugh. I understand this too. You see, I’m not
always raising an eyebrow and trying to make people laugh. In fact there are things I write in these pages that are a character
I created not too different from the character Wayland created, Madame. But I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t
a part (no matter how small) in all of my writing.
It’s time for us to begin to get gay again.
Gay in the sense of the original sense of the word, “happy.” And the way to be happy is to not forget to laugh
at the ridiculousness of life and some people’s reactions to us. I’m proud to be gay but I’m just as proud
to be a fop and while the word “fop” begins with an “f” it doesn’t end in “fag.”
Mandy Steckelberg makes
great videos and I have to say this one is ALMOST as adorable as she is!
The GenerGAYtion Gap
Several
weeks ago my cousin (several years my junior) arrived back in the United States after years abroad. He had left his Washington,
D.C. life after being educated at George Washington University and working in the information technology field to seek new
horizons. He began by teaching English to young children in Asia and from there basically traveled the globe getting certified
in things like teaching scuba diving and eventually ending up in Australia selling strawberries out of a van. He’s a
braver soul than I and I have to say that I lived vicariously through his fearless adventures of life that led him in a very
different direction than my own.
When he was little everyone compared him to me. We’re relatives so we did look a little alike
but I think it was more about his unending energy, wanting everything to happen immediately and what we would all eventually
learn that he was gay like me. When he first came out he was perhaps the most annoying gay on the planet. Everything he had
was gay or gay friendly to the point where I even joked that if he could, he would have gay soap! He reveled in his gayness
in a way that I don’t think I ever could have and to be honest I don’t know that I would have wanted to, it was
all a little off putting if I’m completely honest. You see back in the day when I was coming out (I really hate using
that term for myself because I’ve always been gay, always knew I was gay, anyone who came within four hundred feet of
me knew I was gay so the only “coming out” I went through I guess would be telling others I was gay. But is that
really “coming out?” I don’t know, to me it seems as though it’s a personal thing and it’s more
about coming to terms instead of out. You decide to come to terms that you are different than a lot of other people in the
world including (for most of us) your role models you grew up with, your parents, grandparents and your friends’ families
and telling anyone else should be your choice (are you listening Perez Hilton? And so although it’s a widely term used,
I’m just saying that “coming out” never quite made sense to me personally.) When I did tell my parents and
my friends, I can’t imagine it was any sort of huge shock but I do remember telling my parents that I wasn’t going
to do anything to embarrass them but that it was just a part of me that I needed them to know about me because I loved them
and we never had any major secrets from one another. But when my cousin announced his gayness he seemed to almost take a page
out in the local papers and had everything except a parade (which I’m sure if he could have, he would have had one).
I
was thrilled to have him back in the States and even more excited when he said that he would be coming to Vegas for a visit.
Besides coming back with all the life experiences I would never have he also came back with a fiancé. But like everything
my cousin did he managed to trump me even in the fiancé department. I guess it wasn’t enough that I brought home
a tall black man to spend the rest of my life with, my cousin managed to fall in love with an Englishman. So he came back
to the states to get his Visa in order to become the husband of his love. That’s right, similar to the movie, Green
Card, he would need to get everything in order and prove to the British government that he and his mate had been together
two years and deserved to enter into the state of matrimony and be accepted as a couple in what would become their new home
in England. Well, although we came here from Britain as pilgrims thinking that we would get away from tyranny and create our
own government we are now the ones lagging behind the Brits when it comes to accepting gay marriage. Yes, that’s our
cue as Americans to be more than a little embarrassed that the country we fought against because they were so antiquated has
passed us by like a sports car passes a Yugo.
What I found when I picked my cousin up at the airport was that he no longer used the word, “gay”
as every third word. He had a sense of calm about him, a sense of (for lack of being able to think of a better term) he seemed
comfortable within his skin. His guy arrived a couple of days later and so my guy and I took them out to see some of Vegas.
It wasn’t as some might suspect, a bar hopping, pill popping, sex romp but instead it was simply a typical tourist trip
around the town to show the fiancé who had never been to Vegas, its neon infused energy and opulence.
When
I looked at my cousin looking at his fiancé I could see the love in his eyes (and vice versa). They had an easy sense
about being with one another and while they weren’t “all over” one another (like some white trash heterosexuals
I’ve seen) they did occasionally grasp hands or go in for a quick kiss. Nothing major, just two kids in love. Two fiancés
who had gotten all of their paperwork approved and were getting ready to begin their lives together. They would spend about
a week here in the states (which would include an engagement party thrown by my cousin’s parents) and then it was off
to England to get married and begin their lives together. Their plan was to marry, live there for a year and then live in
the States for a year. They aren’t rich, they haven’t been afforded an easy path but they’re in love and
they are not unlike many young couples starting out.
What amazed me more than anything was their comfort in what they were undertaking. The word “gay”
never came into the picture. They were just a young couple starting their lives together. I don’t know if I ever felt
that, well not exactly. You see when my guy and I started dating, that’s all we thought it was because there was no
talk about gays actually being able to get married or anything back then. (Well, at least nothing that I was aware of anyway)
You just sort of lived together and everyone gave you a knowing nod that they knew they were living next to a gay couple.
But here some twenty years later and my cousin and his fiancé were in love and marriage was one of the first things
on their mind after committing to one another. So I began to wonder about this whole “genergaytion” gap and wondered
how it made me feel?
Unlike your typical generation gap, I obviously don’t think they’re going to ruin civilization
with their “crazy marriage” ideas but I do think they listen to crap music. So where does that put us? Or more
importantly, where does it put my contemporary “gays of a certain age” compared to this new breed of gays that
are just living their lives, getting married and in some ways not even aware of the struggles of their forefathers? Is it
important that they know about the struggles that gays have been through (not that there aren’t struggles now but let’s
face it, on the whole society believe it or not IS more accepting now than they were twenty years ago)? Is it important to
as the Jews say in their sleep “Never Forget, Never Again” about the Holocaust? Or African Americans who have
come along way baby but still struggle with the struggles they had and have? Is it as profound as those two examples? To be
honest, I don’t know myself.
I know that while it may not have been the greatest experience being “a gay” back in
the day, I don’t think it was quite as horrible as the civil rights movement or holocaust (at least not for me personally).
You see, I was always in theatre so when people outside my “artsy folk” made jokes or comments I really just looked
at them as being not as evolved as myself. The marriage thing has thrown me for a loop. Not because I don’t want all
the rights of married people but because I don’t want to call my mate of twenty years “my husband” because
that seems to be a term for straight people. And as I’ve said before the straights can have their precious word, “Marriage”
I just want the rights and benefits (all of them) that come with committing to being committed to another person.
I’m
glad that my cousin and his fiancé saw their union as one that can legally be blessed by the powers that be (in this
case England) as well as their hearts. I’m glad that they won’t have all the struggles that I had (although many
of them are here to stay – bullying, being the brunt of really bad jokes, being stereotyped as having fabulous taste
– well that last one we don’t mind) because let’s face it, no matter what generation you’re in, growing
up gay is never easy. So maybe there’s less of a genergaytion gap than I originally thought.
The Gay, Gay, Gayer Than
Gay, Gay Guy Engaged To The Girl In The Next Booth!
I
was shocked. Okay, not so much shocked maybe as just stunned that in this day and age people are still unwilling or unknowing
about their sexuality and the many options open to them (and aren’t open about it for whatever reason). There we sat
in a diner in a small college town in Delaware, me and my pal Betsy (whom I’d done theatre with for years and years).
Behind Betsy sat this girl and then a couple came in (male and female). Within seconds of them sitting down we knew a few
things from their very loud conversation and the proximity of everything in this tiny diner. The one girl was obviously in
town just for the holidays visiting as we heard her say, “I can’t believe I haven’t been back all semester
to see you guys.” This was not difficult to pick up or hear. Just as audible was the fact that the couple began talking
excitedly about the Broadway musicals they had seen recently. To say they were gushing is an understatement and all that we
could be sure of was that these kids were indeed musical theatre majors and as the male in the couple had used the words,
“fabulous” followed up with “I’m telling you, I was absolutely dying!” and a few other very
“s” ridden sentences (putting “S’s” in words that don’t even have an “S” in
them) made it clear we had a gay sitting in this booth behind us.
But then my stomach went into knots as I noticed
the girl in the couple wearing an engagement ring. At first I thought that perhaps she wasn’t engaged to the gay boy
she was sitting next to but then it all came out (even if he wasn’t going to) that they wouldn’t be able to visit
the friend wherever it was that she lived because they were saving for their wedding. He put an uncomfortable arm around her
shoulders and there you have it, the gay, gay, gayer than gay guy was engaged to the girl in the next booth! We sat there
rolling our eyes as if we were going into some psychic trance. Now let me say that these kids were loud (come on, have you
ever been around musical theatre majors?) and the diner was small so there was no way we were not going to hear the whole
thing going on. (Not that we both aren’t up for some good table eavesdropping on occasion.)
Now what you
need to know is that my pal Betsy is what I have lovingly called, “The Gay Magnet” because in the twenty-something
years we’ve known one another she has never ceased to amaze me with her unconscious ability to have the gay or gays
in a cast of a show or just your garden variety gays (whether they are in or out of the closet) immediately attach themselves
to her. It’s some strange power that can only be explained like when you were a kid and you would spend hours being
amazed at the iron filings jumping onto a magnet. Thus the term, “gay magnet” was born and believe me when I say
she is one.
I found the scene of the gay boy and his bride-to-be sad but Betsy was visibly torn over the whole
thing. As her back was to the couple and I could see them plainly it may have made a bit of a difference as she was just hearing
this boy squeal at the talk of clothes, the plans for the wedding and the musical Grease like a radio show from the 1940’s.
We had gone to have breakfast and catch up but all we could do was listen and shake our heads in disbelief. We barely even
noticed when our Taye Diggs look-alike waiter came to the table with our eggs that took over forty minutes to make (no doubt
they had been delayed because either he had to wait for the chickens to lay the eggs or he was doing a fashion shoot in the
kitchen). Finally Betsy says, “I think I have to tell her.” Now we had talked a little bit about her family, my
family and mutual friends but I knew that this comment had nothing to do with any of those people and everything to do with
the girl in the next booth with the tiny engagement ring and the big gay guy she was engaged to marry. Betsy went on to say
how much pain and suffering she could save the girl. I mean, come on, there’s no way that this is going to have a happy
ending. Sure it may take a year or two before the ugliness happens but there’s no doubt that at some point this girl
is going to be sat down and told by her husband that his friend Steven is more than just a friend. How can you not feel badly
for the girl? (And for the boy if he’s in complete denial about the situation?) Let alone how badly I feel for the girl’s
parents who are no doubt going to lay down a chunk of money on a wedding that is clearly going to be the start and finish
of their little girl.
And so we sat there, eating our eggs and wondering if we told this girl what was to befall her if
she would even listen. We came to the conclusion that she would never listen to complete strangers. Perhaps that was our get
out of guilt free card, deciding that no matter what we said, we were going to just be two strangers telling her that her
boyfriend was gay and surely she would not believe us. I did think for awhile that perhaps we could go into some sort of social
work as between Betsy’s magical magnetic gay powers and my own years of field experience (as they say) we can tell a
gay from two miles away on a foggy night. Perhaps we needed to start a service for the poor unfortunate girls who should know
better but don’t for some reason. The one thing was clear to us and that was that we couldn’t say anything to
this girl even though we were simply dying to, more than you’ll ever know. We didn’t want to crush her, we wanted
to save her but alas, we knew it was not to be.
I think what amazed me more than anything was that in this day and age there are still people out
there unable to be true to themselves and live their genuine lives (I read that term in an article based on a self help book
once – have no idea what it means but sounds so great, right?) I mean, we’re in the day and age where you can’t
pick up a paper or even look at news online where there isn’t at least one story each day in the news about the gays.
I don’t care if it’s about gays in the military, gays trying to get the rights to get married or some loon protesting
about gays telling us that we’re responsible for everything from the September 11th attacks to the end of
the world (which is apparently right around the corner and will be done in a light lilac color – you know how the gays
love anything lilac colored!) My point is that I always like to think that us forty-something gays have made it easier on
the next generation of gays. (As well as the women who fall in love with them) But I guess as long as there are gays and girls
who want to believe they can either “turn” them or just fall so head over heels that they don’t see their
fiancé is wearing their heels this unfortunate tradition is going to continue.
Look, I’ve
had friends who were married to women and when the whole thing crumbled the ex-wife wanted so much nothing to do with the
guy and who could blame her right? But on some level don’t you think that these girls/women know somewhere deep down
that they are married to a gay? (Yes, I’m including Mrs. McGreevey ex-first lady of New Jersey) Trust me when I say
I’m more than aware just how powerful denial can be. I mean some days when I look in the mirror and see that gray haired
man staring back at me from the mirror all I can think is that it must be some sort of trick mirror. After all, I’m
Peter Pan, dammit!
But as easy as it was for us to come to the conclusion that this kid was gay in the next booth, even
if the girl with the stars in her eyes couldn’t see it does she not have any friends or family who are telling her she
needs to re-think this whole thing? Maybe they have tried, maybe they’ve suggested a longer engagement in hopes one
of them will come clean. But there’s a part of me that is saying that come summer there’s a gonna be a wedding
complete with sponge cake and spiked punch and that the best man and the groom are going to come out of their waiting room
a little disheveled looking having just done something in the church rectory to one another in a personal area that begins
with the letters, “rec”. I hope not for all their sakes but I gotta tell you that every alarm went off even for
the short time we were sitting next to these kids. Let’s face it, something age does give you is a pair of x-ray glasses
(like the ones that used to be advertised in the back of the comic books we read) when it come to certain things. And this
is one of them. But here’s to shoes and rice and the gay, gay, gayer than gay guy engaged to the girl in the booth sitting
next to us!
As
my grandmother used to say without too much judgment, “You know the gays…they’re everywhere.”
She
would sit watching the Mike Douglas Show on television, watching Johnny Mathis perform and remark, “Hmmm, he’s
so attractive and he’s at least thirty, never been married…do you think?” She never finished the sentence
but we all knew what she was trying to say (especially me who had a major crush on Mr. Mathis!)
Now I’m not one of those gays who thinks that everyone else in the world I gay or that they should be so there
are times when I find myself in a world that I can only describe as “Gay, Gay, Gayer Than Gay!”
Are you craving more Some
Like It Scott Gay, Gay, Gayer Than Gay stories and more?
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The Gay, Gay, Gayer Than Gay Gift Giving Guide
(Or
how to shop for your gay friends and relations)
Are
you worried about that gift you need to buy for the gay in your life? Do you wonder if it’s the right color for this
season? Are you asking yourself if brown really is the new black? Are you not sure if it’s fabulous enough? Do you think
it has to be gay themed or made by someone who is gay for them to like it? Or are you just completely stumped? Well, as someone
whose grandmother never went to someone’s house for dinner where she didn’t pick up the china to see who made
it (the same thing with gifts), let me help you through these pink, prickly waters to pick the perfect present! (Don’t
you just love alliteration?)
While I know it’s hard to believe there are some gays out there who don’t love musical
theatre. I know, I know, I don’t trust these gays (and I have to believe that they have a closet full of old soundtracks
from The Rink and the Tommy Tune version of Bye, Bye Birdie) but I must acknowledge that they are out there…and lying.
So the first thing you should cross off your list are Broadway soundtracks and there are two reasons for doing this, 1) the
gay probably all ready has it and 2) this is the stocking stuffer or little present the boyfriend always gets for the gay
because 1) he knows what’s missing in the collection and 2) it doubles his own Broadway collection without having to
say he’s buying it for himself. Now buying Broadway tickets is another story though you have to deal with dates and
where they like to sit, okay, I take it back, don’t buy tickets.
On a budget? Childhood gifts always hit the right
note. While some gays may not have had a wonderful childhood, most remember the games of youth fondly so a retro gift of either
Kerplunk, Lite Brite or the new deluxe edition of Clue is always a safe and good bet. (They also are the easiest thing in
the world to re-gift – you never have to worry if it’s outdated like that gift basket from Hickory Farms you got
last year and you’re desperately trying to see a date on the cheese log without unwrapping it so you can give it to
someone this year.) While these types of gifts may seem kitchy, they’re always a hit and solicit so many “oohs”
and “ahhs” when opened because everyone in the room has a different memory of these games. While Cousin Mary is
thinking about when she lost the block Kerplunk championship, your gay recipient is thinking about that time when next door
neighbor Timmy dressed up like Miss Scarlett and had him in the dining room with his lead pipe!
If it looks expensive
but it’s not, it’s good gift giving (not Chiffon, the old butter substitute). Though chiffon material is usually
used for this article of clothing for women, a good scarf can go a long way. That’s right you don’t have to worry
about wool or acrylic. As long as it is soft, has a nice pattern and comes in a nicely wrapped box your worries are over.
The reason a scarf is so good to gift is that they look more expensive than they usually are (go for the cashmeresque one
– feels like cashmere but no cashmeres lost their lives to make it – imagine how “green” you’ll
seem for that choice?) you don’t have to worry about the size as it’s one size fits all, it’s the girlyest
men’s accessory that’s acceptable to wear and nine times out of ten the gay will put it on immediately, jauntily
throwing one end over the opposite shoulder and while his hand is up on his shoulder and his face turned in profile, it always
makes for the perfect holiday photo of a gay. Be warned, if after opening the box they take the scarf out and kvell more over
the box than the scarf itself, it’s going to an ex-boyfriend in a different box by the end of the week. (This way he
rarely has to see it and at the same time it forces the ex to wear it every time they see one another because he still feels
guilty for the indiscretion that ended the relationship…the night the gay came home one night to find the ex with a
go go boy who was wearing nothing but the gay’s underwear screaming, “Ugh, these are really your boyfriend’s?
I’m swimming in them like they’re grandma panties! I didn’t know you were a chubby chaser! What the hell
are you doing with me? I’m as gay thin as they come! Hey let’s see if we can both fit in them at the same time!”)
Finally,
don’t go for the overtly gay cliché gifts. You know which ones I’m talking about. As we speak I have a
box filled with the naked man ironing board cover, the “his and his” towel set and a gay marriage bar of soap
that has two plastic guys in tuxedos in it that is a bit like the old owl in the tootsie pop commercial – “How
many licks does it take to get to the center? One, <slurp>, two <slurp>, three <drop> - THREE, three slurps
til you drop the soap and someone gets to your center” (or at least it feels that way). No, find the clever gifts that
are more worthy of “wink, wink, nudge, nudge status” those always raise an eyebrow and a chuckle. When it comes
to these gifts, no one does it better than my pals Phyllis and Tim at MikWright ( www.mikwright.com )! Whether it be a mug that has the photo of a guy
with his foot up and the boat behind him largely displaying the word, “Queen” with the phrase under it “say
no more.” Or a coaster with little ol’ me on it in drag when I was six with the phrase “morty, it’s
time to have a word with your son…again.” Everyone loves these types of gifts and no one has to feel uncomfortable
when they’re opened in mixed company. Because those who know will get it and those who don’t teach, I mean preach,
I mean…well, they’ll just smile and nod and go along with the crowd!
The most
important thing to remember when gifting for gays is that not all gays are considered equal (and not just in the eyes of the
law). That’s right, although they may be gay, feel no pressure that they may be more critical than straights because
as we all know, gays are easily distracted and attracted to shiny objects (how else do you explain Christopher Radko ornaments?).
And remember that some things are cliché because they’re true. If you give a Swiss army knife to a gay they’ll
always be the most impressed by the tiny nail file. If you give them cake or food they’ll never eat it because they’re
trying to become or stay gay thin. But if you give them any of the above they’ll love you forever because good gift
giving means never having to put a gift receipt in the box!
Look, I’m not asking for a pansy hall of fame but there were trailblazers who amazingly enough made careers for themselves
being themselves in a time before Perez Hilton was “outing” everyone or before even Bravo became a network. Well,
at least these people were showing us versions of themselves to make us laugh. I understand this too. You see, I’m not
always raising an eyebrow and trying to make people laugh. In fact there are things I write in these pages that are a character
I created not too different from the character Wayland created, Madame. But I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t
a part (no matter how small) in all of my writing. 
