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Est. 1964, re-imagined on the regular.

Let’s Get Off Our Imaginary Soapboxes, Shall We?

12/6/2016

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For lo, these many years, I’ll admit I’ve been no better than that crazy person on the street corner with the sign proclaiming the world is ending if you don’t take Jesus as your savior into your heart and to Pinkberry. It made me feel as if I was doing “something” by screaming at the world from my Internet soapbox. But in this day and age, it’s time for a new tact, people.

I can no longer look at your forwarding of some poll, study, “news” article that supposedly proves your point that Trump will be the end of us, will be our savior or won’t change anything. I get it, at times it seems like an old joke, “How many white supremacists can one President-elect, elect? Or does it take to screw in a lightbulb, screw the country or can closeted Republicans screw who are voting against LGBT rights?” (By the way, the answer is that it doesn’t matter how many it takes, everyone gets screwed. That’s the pain we ALL feel in our asses.)

The time has come for all of us to stop posting these memes and stories and start moving. Do you believe the new Head of Education is really going to put more Jesus in the classroom from that forwarded news story that your “friend” you haven’t seen since third grade posted? If so, don’t post it on your timeline as if it’s the gospel and you’ve really done something, go to your kid’s classroom, meet with their teacher and ask what they need from you to help them better educate your kid and all their kids in their overcrowded classrooms. Become involved where it will matter, with the teacher who is feeling just as lost as you as to why they’re no longer getting support from the government or the community when they’re devoting their lives to shaping young lives that will eventually lead this country. For those of us who don’t have kids, let’s send some supplies to teachers instead of saying, “Well, I don’t have kids so it’s not MY problem cause YOUR kids are already getting my tax dollars.”

If nothing else, this election has taught us all to not be so much paranoid (as is our tendency) but realize that we’ve turned our society into a “reality” based television show. For those of you who don’t know, reality television is scripted, rehearsed and has re-takes to make “good” television. And it’s coming to the White House and our Congress this January.

Back when the world was young and news programming was not considered a money maker for networks, we had news anchors who would never dream of letting us know how they “felt” about the news, they simply reported it. But now the stakes are higher, they have to get ratings, advertising dollars and so they have to become a reality star too. It’s supply and demand. We’ve demanded it with our blood lust to see people we think are bigger idiots or fatter than us to make us feel better about ourselves even on the nightly news, if only for a half hour (so why all the 2 hour Biggest Loser episodes, I’m sure I don’t know why, when a ½ hour of watching fatties will make me feel thinner and not make me fatter by making me spend more time on my couch...ah, that’s what they want, it’s a conspiracy to make me fatter, slower, dumber...it’s working). So you really want to be outraged that Brian Williams said he was on the chopper that got shot instead of the chopper behind the chopper that was shot? I appreciate your mock concern and outrage but we created this when we made Anna Navarro a star for screaming, “pussy” and put Anderson Cooper on the spot to tell us his sexuality instead of just reporting the news. None of us have clean hands so stop making Kellyanne Conway Lady Macbeth, “Out damn, spot.” We all have blood on our hands.

And while I’m going all Shakespearean on your asses, you’ll pardon me Bill, but many of us believe, “Now is the Spring of our discontent made global warming by this son of Television.” Trump may or may not make our country worse but sitting on the sidelines screaming at it like an uncontrollable soccer parent hardly seems to be the way to go anymore. Sure, it’s easy and cozy, just hitting that “share” button but it just seems to me we need to make better choices. Sure we could choose to not watch the trainwreck that is Mariah Carey or Trump’s White House on our, “all reality television, all the time, on all networks” but that won’t affect change. If you want comfort from your computer, sign the petitions or send money but if you really want to hit Trump’s Whitest White House Party Ever where it lives, question everything. Make your Representatives question everything. Not in some lame attempt to block Trump like the Republicans have done to President Obama but to say, “We’ve got our eyes on your mother fuckers so you’d better step up to the demands of We the God Damned People you represent!” And if that fails, just know that Trump’s reality show won’t last enough seasons to go into reruns...we hope. <steps off soapbox>

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    "Like Tab Cola, I understand I'm an acquired taste." ​
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