Originally posted on November 11, 2008
Growing up in a Jewish home every meal was a delightful color, beige (or shades there of…pot roast and potatoes an occasional cooked carrot that had lost most of its orange color and had gone to a deep rust). I’ve written about it before but the honest to God truth is that the vegetables we had with our nightly home cooked dinners (when we weren’t going out to a restaurant) consisted of French cut green beans, creamed corn and on occasion the infamous LeSueur canned peas. My guy likes to say that I didn’t know about green vegetables until I met him. In honesty, it’s not far from the truth. And so it began with broccoli and now I’m even up to spinach salads but the question I have is that if spinach is so great for me, why does it get stuck in my teeth? – Don’t Get Me Started!
I mean, if something is good for me then I don’t understand how it could be so socially detrimental. And let me just say it doesn’t stop with the spinach. That’s right, eat broccoli and you’re a half an hour away from gas of such epic proportions that it’s bound to make any date or social event into a story about you trying to subtly find a way to stick your ass out a window in order to not embarrass yourself. (Let’s face it there’s really no subtle way to be at an event and stick your ass out a window.) Asparagus will betray you too.
So maybe my Jewish mother knew right after all? I don’t recall ever having bad gas after eating that T-bone steak my father grilled and the creamed corn. Health shmealth who needs it, more important to be popular, right?
The thing is that I adore spinach in any form now and I especially love me a spinach salad. The thing is that no matter when or how I eat one there’s always the dreaded piece or two between one or two of my teeth. And the completely insidious part about spinach is that it’s almost impossible to get it out of your teeth in one try. Do yourself a favor and go for the big gun by using dental floss and dig, dig, dig until you get it out of your teeth. If you’re at work take yourself to the restroom because there’s no subtle way to do this task. And don’t rely on the feel of your tongue to discover where all that spinach is taking root in your mouth, you need to get into that mirror, pull those lips back and really go tooth by tooth.
Now most of you don’t care about any of what you’ve just read as much as you’re dying to know if I’ve ever had an embarrassing spinach moment. Well yes, of course I have had exactly that my friends. It was at a cocktail party where I knew next to no one and I was pouring it on with all the overly gay excited energy that usually turns people off or makes you the true life of the party. How I bobbed and weaved among the party-goers with people saying things like, “Can we do lunch at some point? You’re just so funny.” Yes, I felt popular squared. After martinis and many appetizers (that were passed) I went to the restroom. My eyes were a little bleary but after looking through the medicine cabinet of the person who was throwing the party I looked into the mirror to ensure the hair was in perfect place only to find that the first appetizer I ate when the evening began (a spinach and cheese on a crostini). That’s right they thought I was funny all right. (Funny like Lucy Ricardo trying to get rid of the cheese on the train in Europe.) So use this as a cautionary tale and don’t you have to wonder if spinach is so great for me, why does it get stuck in my teeth? – Don’t Get Me Started!