An Email Conversation on Episode 37!
A Straight Man Educates Me On Their Repulsion To Gay Sex – Don’t Get Me Started!
Okay, I admit it. While I read every comment posted to my blogs I don’t respond to all of them. I do
however try to respond to emails that people send me. I don’t know if it’s my Jewish guilt at work or what but
I feel that if someone takes the time to write in the least I can do is respond.
Well,
below is an email that was sent to me when I posted a recent video blog titled, “Tell Me Again Who My Gayness Is Hurting?”
(You can watch it here on the left side of the page)
As you can see, I felt compelled to respond.
I’ll say no more as I think that people should be presented with the facts and make decisions for themselves…
I
don't know if you're just making a statement or genuinely asking and wanting to know why people object to "gays".
I have never put myself in dialogue with a gay man for the purpose of debating the issue of homosexuality but if you want
to discuss it with me I will. To the point - of course you are not hurting anybody by being gay. You express dismay at being
so misunderstood and despised. This makes me wonder if you fail to see into the minds of straights just as much as they fail
to see into your mind. Let me tell you in all honesty as a strictly heterosexual male, I am glad of every progress that is
made in the furtherance of civil liberties and I remain hopeful that the rights of all men and women find their way to a strong
and stable presence in an ever more enlightened and tolerant society. I am glad of every success that the struggle of gay
rights achieves for the betterment of those who best benefit from these achievements. However, I personally find the actual
concept of male to male sexuality repulsive. So what's going on here? I believe in truth and justice and must vote with
my reason in accordance with what I know to be right. Yet were I to vote with my emotions I would outlaw what seems overwhelmingly
obvious to me to be utterly abhorrent. One of my aspects is clearly wrong and equally as clearly it is my emotional reaction
to the imagery of male to male sexuality. What I am trying to say to you is that those who hate and persecute homosexuals
do so (in my opinion) in response to their feelings first and foremost. For heterosexual men, male to male sexuality is as
repulsive a thing as can be imagined. Now, we all empathise with what we see in the world. When we see laughter, anger, sadness
etc. depicted in the movies we feel those emotions because we automatically put ourselves in the situation depicted. Therefore
when we see 'Brokeback Mountain' we involuntarily empathise with the characters and find ourselves so thoroughly abhorred
that it feels like (and really sort of is) a personal assault. It is against this personal assault that the homophobes react
when they perpetrate their acts of hatred against the gay community. It isn't you in your gayness that is guilty, it is
we in our revulsion and intolerance who are guilty. We could indeed be tolerant of you but first we would have to bear the
burden of our own insufferable revulsion at the concept of male to male sexuality. I submit that this is not a reasonable
ask. If you are inclined I would like to hear back from you about what I have said here.
Mark.
____________________________________________________________________________________________
Mark,
Well first allow
me to thank you for your thoughtful and truly interesting take on the subject. I don't know if when I originally posted
this video I thought of it being strictly rhetorical but I must tell you that your comments have certainly make me consider
it as an honest question.
I never
really thought about the whole what I'll call the "ick" factor (strictly because the word "repulsive",
well repulses me). But may I suggest that as you state in your well thought out email that the whole sleeping with men thing
is only one part of me (or any homosexual as a person)? I get that it's easy to get hung up on it but I have to ask if
you really see your parents as sexual beings or say your grandmother? No disrespect to any of your family but I don't
see my friends as sexual beings and believe me when I tell you that most I don't even want to begin to imagine them having
sex. So why is it so easy to use the repulsive behavior as the easy out?
Some homosexuals actually find it an insult to be called "homosexual" because of this very
reason. They feel it reduces them to no longer being seen as a complete person but as someone who strictly has sex with the
same sex. I don't know if I'd take it that far but I do believe that there's something to be said for their argument
as well.
And although the thought
of two men repulses you I wonder how you feel about two women having sex? Is that "hot" or okay because it's
two women and not two men?
I don't have an easy (or for one even a glib)
answer for you. I think you're most likely right that it's that repulsion some straight men (and some women) feel
that causes them to continually fight to keep our rights at a minimum.
What I am grateful for are people like you who articulate their point of view and don't attack
or judge but simply share your point of view. So thank you again for your response and I will continue to think on it.
Scott
P.S.
I would really like your approval to use your comments on my website. I will not mention your name or anything but
I really just think what you articulated is so interesting of a point I'd very much like to share it with your permission.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Scott,
It appears to me from your response that you have very probably understood me and i find
that very gratifying. I had feared I may have offended you. I believe my point has been satisfactorily made and that you have
considered it thoughtfully. Although I think I could have expressed my view more eloquently, upon re-reading it I am satisfied
that it is adequately represented.
To answer your questions, I am not at all repulsed by the imagery associated
with lesbian sexuality. This may cause you to suppose that homophobia is largely a question of taste and that people like
me or people who are repulsed by male to male sexuality are just culturally predisposed or otherwise habituated to a kind
of mindset or acquired predilection. I think this is not the case and that is what I was trying to say in my first response
to you. It is not so simple, mere or subtle as 'taste'. It runs very deep. I would want you to realise this. I do
not forgive or sympathise with the violent or heartless monsters who are so ready to persecute and destroy you. But I am proposing
an explanation for this evil. The explanation lay in the sense of revulsion that is very deeply engrained in the hetero male
psyche - or so it seems to me.
Some people are genetically phobic of spiders. It would be too much to ask them
to overcome their fear as if it were nothing more than a prejudice. Homophobia is not an intellectual aberration or norm,
it is an instinctual vestige. Though the fault is entirely mine I could not sit with you in your house and chat comfortably
for very long about trivial matters however I can make my way through my instinctual aversions and both recognise and declare
that the fault is mine and by no means yours. That, I regret to inform you, is the best I and others like me can do.
I do not object to your quoting me (I don't even think I would object to being identified)
Thank you for
your efforts to explain your viewpoint. You cannot get your enemies on side. Most people are completely unwilling to free
themselves from the tyranny of their instincts and prejudices. There will always be those who despise you. Take heart if you
can that their despise is a function of their small mindedness, their fear and their ignorance. You cannot 'win'.
None of us can. Only love will save the day and there are none that will know it but they who love.
Mark.
I did not respond again, didn’t see the need (per my online
therapist in Australia). I’ll let all of you reading draw your own conclusions and/or thoughts.
Comment
on this blog at...
http://hubpages.com/hub/A-Straight-Man-Educates-Me-On-Their-Repulsion-To-Gay-Sex
Eyes are the window to the soul (or so they say) and on a recent trip to Seattle, I saw into some souls that started
me wondering. After forty, do gay men have more desperation in their eyes than desire? Take that look off your face. I’m
not saying that men over forty are no longer on the prowl or that they don’t posses the ability for the come hither
stare. I’m talking about something different. As I maneuvered through the big city living I once did every day (but
haven’t done in years), going into little cafes for lunch or stores to shop I would see men either by themselves or
with a companion (usually female) and as our eyes met, instead of a look of hubba hubba, I could swear I saw something else;
a look that said, “Are you him?” “Could you be the man I can settle down with and look like the Jeep ads
from the late nineties?” “How fast can we go from first date to life mate?”
