Talking With Ex-Co-Workers Is Worse Than Talking With Ex-Lovers – Don’t Get Me Started!

I began a new job when the year began anew this year and while I had been at my previous job for eight years, I really had only kept in touch with the one or two people who I had daily contact with when I was working with them. Incidentally these people had also left the company so there was always much to talk about – new jobs, loves, pets and how thankful we were to be out of the previous job. However recently an ex-co-worker (who still works for the company) called me and as I hung up the following went through my mind – talking with ex-co-workers is worse than talking with ex-lovers – Don’t Get Me Started!

The conversation started out innocently enough, you know, the whole, “Wow, it’s so good to hear your voice. How are you? How are things around the old place?” From there it goes into a very surface discussion about the person who took your place, a couple of minutes reminiscing about that time at the holiday party so and so got so drunk they almost looked attractive, that is until the threw up on the president of the company’s wife and finally a question about whether or not Jenni is still a slut? From there you have NOTHING to talk about. That’s right, although this person may have been your true confidant when you were with the company and you spoke on the phone every day, you now have absolutely nothing to say to one another. The silence is filled with a little sadness and a little awkwardness but mostly it’s filled with thoughts running through your mind such as, “Wow, I’m glad I don’t work at that place any more. Did I really talk to this person everyday? Gee, I need to clip my fingernails. Hmm, what do I want for lunch, what do I want for lunch? Um, yeah, I’m still here – what? John from accounting bought a motorcycle? Ooh, listen that’s my other line. Thanks so much for staying in touch. We need to do lunch or something soon I’m just so crazed at the new job. Tell everyone there I liked that I said, “Howdy” – Uh huh, you too. Bye bye.” Whew – the relief of being off the call is something akin to when they told me I only had pre-pre-cancer and were able to cut it off of my face. Had I stayed on the call longer I would have started cutting myself like a young girl with a bad body image.

So when you finally get off the phone with the person, you start (well, at least I do) start to think about all the other people who have been in your life and traveled away from it to a certain extent that you get back in touch with at some point. I’m not talking about through email via classmates.com or something – which by the way everyone who ever beat me up in high school or I wanted to beat off with seems to have found me and is interested in my life and now becoming my best friend. I began thinking about who else I had awkward “reconnection” phone calls with over the years and I discovered that it was much easier talking to an ex-lover than with an ex-co-worker. Why is this, I wondered? Could it be because you’ve seen this person naked? (True a lot of people have seen their ex-co-workers naked too so that’s out) but there’s more to it, there must be, right?

I think what I finally concluded was that it’s easier to talk to an ex-lover because you shared something that helped you to see yourself better (most of the times once you had been out of the “loving” with the person) and while you hold affection for both the co-worker and the ex-lover, most of the time, the ex-lover made you a better lover to the next person in your life so you have to give the devil his due, right? Also, if you’re a gay man you hope that the ex-lover has gotten really fat and still pining away for you (no matter how happily ever after you’ve moved on) while you don’t really care how fat the ex-co-worker has gotten. So while I’ll pick up the phone when an ex-lover calls, chances are (forgive me Johnny Mathis) when it’s an ex-co-worker, I’ll be screening my calls because talking with ex-co-workers is worse than talking with ex-lovers – Don’t Get Me Started!

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The International Male Catalog Blog I Wrote – Don’t Get Me Started!

Okay so I can’t even really remember when I wrote the blog about “The International Gay, I Mean The International Male Catalog” but it was a while ago – maybe we’re even talking years. Yet on the site www.hubpages.com (where all of my blogs appear) it remains one of the most popular (if not THE most popular) blogs I’ve ever written. I have written a lot of blogs about a lot of different things over the years but it all seems to be about the International Male catalog blog I wrote – Don’t Get Me Started!

For those of you who have no idea what the International Male catalog is, I encourage you to find out a little more about it from my original post (http://hubpages.com/hub/The_International_Gay_I_Mean_International_Male_Catalog ). Back in my youth this catalog was the gayest thing I could have ever gotten my hands on (yes, this was when microwave ovens didn’t exist nor the Internet). I would look through the pages of the “fashions” for men and dream of owning the clothes (or at least the enormous bulges that seemed to be on the underwear pages of the catalog). Not that I ever had a need, body or eventually the taste for a floor length “duster coat” but I wanted one nonetheless.

At any rate, some people have commented on the blog throughout the time it’s been up on the web but this past week someone posted the following comment that had me hysterically laughing when I think I probably shouldn’t have been laughing, but aren’t those the best laughs to have?

Okay, here goes…

I'm trying to locate a past issue to no avail depicting a Black leathr Moto Cross outfit with black suspenders that was stollen from me July 4th I woul appreciate and documentationor bck copy depicting hi item to file my police reprt. Your help is greatlt prcited,

I purchased about 3 years ago a black leather moto cross outfit with black suspenders for about $200.00. I was stolen on July 4th. I you have any information on this product or a past issue I would greatly aid in my police report. I appreciate all your time and effort. I can't find any archived issues.

I purchase a black Moto Cross outfit from you about 3 tears ago for about $200. It was stolen July 4th. Do you have any documentation on his item or an old catalogue, It would help my police report. Thanks for your time and eforrt. Gar Marco

Thanks for yor time and atention.

Gary Marco

Gry Marc

Alright, now those of you who read my blogs know that I could hardly contain myself and while I mean no disrespect to Gary (or his English teacher) I have to say I was rolling on the floor laughing at this one for oh so many reasons. First, if you know the International Male catalog at all, you’ll know that the black leather outfit with the black suspenders was probably something they called a “Moto Cross” outfit but in actuality it had padding in the ass as well as in the crotch to make you more “motorific” for the leather daddy of your dreams. The next thing is who in the world would steal someone’s black leather (with suspenders) outfit that was two years old and no doubt from Gary’s need to find it, it was very valuable to him and most likely “worn in” (wink, wink)? And finally I adore that he called it an “outfit” – not enough people realize that they only wear “outfits” – these are those articles of clothing that are only ever worn together because it’s how they appeared on a mannequin in a store somewhere or were pictured that way in a catalog. On the whole we are creatures of habit and will rely on someone else’s taste much faster than our own. (Not always the smart choice, kids)

The worst part of the whole thing is that Gary obviously thinks that I AM International Male (and while that WAS a childhood fantasy of mine) I’m sorry (and sort of glad to say) that I have nothing to do with the catalog. However, it did not stop my Jewish guilt from gnawing at me that Gary didn’t leave me his email or any information to let him know that I wasn’t the International Male catalog. Oh Gary, here’s a little prayer going to the Fashion Gods that you DON’T get the Moto Cross outfit back. The International Male catalog blog I wrote – Don’t Get Me Started!

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A Straight Man Educates Me On Their Repulsion To Gay Sex – Don’t Get Me Started!

Okay, I admit it. While I read every comment posted to my blogs I don’t respond to all of them. I do however try to respond to emails that people send me. I don’t know if it’s my Jewish guilt at work or what but I feel that if someone takes the time to write in the least I can do is respond.

Well, below is an email that was sent to me when I posted a recent video blog titled, “Tell Me Again Who My Gayness Is Hurting?” (You can watch it here http://hubpages.com/hub/Tell-Me-Again-Who-My-Gayness-Is-Hurting-Forty-Something-Gay--ep37 )

As you can see, I felt compelled to respond. I’ll say no more as I think that people should be presented with the facts and make decisions for themselves…

I don't know if you're just making a statement or genuinely asking and wanting to know why people object to "gays". I have never put myself in dialogue with a gay man for the purpose of debating the issue of homosexuality but if you want to discuss it with me I will. To the point - of course you are not hurting anybody by being gay. You express dismay at being so misunderstood and despised. This makes me wonder if you fail to see into the minds of straights just as much as they fail to see into your mind. Let me tell you in all honesty as a strictly heterosexual male, I am glad of every progress that is made in the furtherance of civil liberties and I remain hopeful that the rights of all men and women find their way to a strong and stable presence in an ever more enlightened and tolerant society. I am glad of every success that the struggle of gay rights achieves for the betterment of those who best benefit from these achievements. However, I personally find the actual concept of male to male sexuality repulsive. So what's going on here? I believe in truth and justice and must vote with my reason in accordance with what I know to be right. Yet were I to vote with my emotions I would outlaw what seems overwhelmingly obvious to me to be utterly abhorrent. One of my aspects is clearly wrong and equally as clearly it is my emotional reaction to the imagery of male to male sexuality. What I am trying to say to you is that those who hate and persecute homosexuals do so (in my opinion) in response to their feelings first and foremost. For heterosexual men, male to male sexuality is as repulsive a thing as can be imagined. Now, we all empathise with what we see in the world. When we see laughter, anger, sadness etc. depicted in the movies we feel those emotions because we automatically put ourselves in the situation depicted. Therefore when we see 'Brokeback Mountain' we involuntarily empathise with the characters and find ourselves so thoroughly abhorred that it feels like (and really sort of is) a personal assault. It is against this personal assault that the homophobes react when they perpetrate their acts of hatred against the gay community. It isn't you in your gayness that is guilty, it is we in our revulsion and intolerance who are guilty. We could indeed be tolerant of you but first we would have to bear the burden of our own insufferable revulsion at the concept of male to male sexuality. I submit that this is not a reasonable ask. If you are inclined I would like to hear back from you about what I have said here.

Mark.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Mark,

Well first allow me to thank you for your thoughtful and truly interesting take on the subject. I don't know if when I originally posted this video I thought of it being strictly rhetorical but I must tell you that your comments have certainly make me consider it as an honest question.

I never really thought about the whole what I'll call the "ick" factor (strictly because the word "repulsive", well repulses me). But may I suggest that as you state in your well thought out email that the whole sleeping with men thing is only one part of me (or any homosexual as a person)? I get that it's easy to get hung up on it but I have to ask if you really see your parents as sexual beings or say your grandmother? No disrespect to any of your family but I don't see my friends as sexual beings and believe me when I tell you that most I don't even want to begin to imagine them having sex. So why is it so easy to use the repulsive behavior as the easy out?

Some homosexuals actually find it an insult to be called "homosexual" because of this very reason. They feel it reduces them to no longer being seen as a complete person but as someone who strictly has sex with the same sex. I don't know if I'd take it that far but I do believe that there's something to be said for their argument as well.

And although the thought of two men repulses you I wonder how you feel about two women having sex? Is that "hot" or okay because it's two women and not two men?

I don't have an easy (or for one even a glib) answer for you. I think you're most likely right that it's that repulsion some straight men (and some women) feel that causes them to continually fight to keep our rights at a minimum.

What I am grateful for are people like you who articulate their point of view and don't attack or judge but simply share your point of view. So thank you again for your response and I will continue to think on it.

Scott

P.S.

I would really like your approval to use your comments on my website. I will not mention your name or anything but I really just think what you articulated is so interesting of a point I'd very much like to share it with your permission.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Scott,

It appears to me from your response that you have very probably understood me and i find that very gratifying. I had feared I may have offended you. I believe my point has been satisfactorily made and that you have considered it thoughtfully. Although I think I could have expressed my view more eloquently, upon re-reading it I am satisfied that it is adequately represented.

To answer your questions, I am not at all repulsed by the imagery associated with lesbian sexuality. This may cause you to suppose that homophobia is largely a question of taste and that people like me or people who are repulsed by male to male sexuality are just culturally predisposed or otherwise habituated to a kind of mindset or acquired predilection. I think this is not the case and that is what I was trying to say in my first response to you. It is not so simple, mere or subtle as 'taste'. It runs very deep. I would want you to realise this. I do not forgive or sympathise with the violent or heartless monsters who are so ready to persecute and destroy you. But I am proposing an explanation for this evil. The explanation lay in the sense of revulsion that is very deeply engrained in the hetero male psyche - or so it seems to me.

Some people are genetically phobic of spiders. It would be too much to ask them to overcome their fear as if it were nothing more than a prejudice. Homophobia is not an intellectual aberration or norm, it is an instinctual vestige. Though the fault is entirely mine I could not sit with you in your house and chat comfortably for very long about trivial matters however I can make my way through my instinctual aversions and both recognise and declare that the fault is mine and by no means yours. That, I regret to inform you, is the best I and others like me can do.

I do not object to your quoting me (I don't even think I would object to being identified)

Thank you for your efforts to explain your viewpoint. You cannot get your enemies on side. Most people are completely unwilling to free themselves from the tyranny of their instincts and prejudices. There will always be those who despise you. Take heart if you can that their despise is a function of their small mindedness, their fear and their ignorance. You cannot 'win'. None of us can. Only love will save the day and there are none that will know it but they who love.

Mark.

I did not respond again, didn’t see the need (per my online therapist in Australia). I’ll let all of you reading draw your own conclusions and/or thoughts.

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Getting Picked Up – Well, My Blog Anyway – Don’t Get Me Started!

After close to three years now of writing my blog I have started to get some regular readers (thank you kids) and some regular haters (whatever) and now recently I see where people have been putting my music, blogs and site on their site. Getting picked up, well my blog anyway – Don’t Get Me Started!

Much like the puppy with his nose against the glass back door, I’m delighted to see me appearing around the World Wide Web. I know I should be Barbra Streisand and want complete control of how my image, blogs, etc. are used but for someone with Sally Field Syndrome (“You like me, you really like me”) I have to say for the most part I’m delighted by the blog rolls and whatnot I seem to be appearing on as of late.

The first site that asked and added me was a gay men’s newsletter. I was of course very flattered that not only did I appear on their website but they sent me out in their monthly printed newsletter that had a gay, gay, gayer than gay circulation. However like most of America and its short attention span, this lasted for all of about six months and then I suddenly stopped getting emails other than to let me know there was a new newsletter coming out (in which I didn’t appear). But having been fired from blogging for Project Runway (read that blog here http://hubpages.com/hub/How-I-Got-Aufd-From-Project-Runway-Without-Designing-Anything ) I have to say that being “let go” without any notice from this newsletter (that was just reprinting blogs from my website) was fine with me.

Sure there were a couple of sites that asked me to put a link on my website to theirs for a link to mine in return (some I said okay, others I did not so I guess I’m a little discerning). There are also lot of sites (including people on MySpace and Facebook) who apparently just want my music and I’m flattered by that too. And as any blogger knows, there are some sites that you submit yourself for just to expand your audience base. My example of this would be the fact that I’m a link on www.bestgayblogs.com.

There was also the occasional site that asked me to write a blog entry for them. Most recently this happened with www.datersguide.com – they asked for a blog, I obliged and from the fact that no one commented on it I’ve a feeling I won’t be asked back any time soon. After all, what the hell do I know about dating having been involved with the same man for decades now? (You can read the blog at the link above though if you’re curious)

Then there are some that I have no idea where I appear on the site but I’m getting people coming from their site to mine. Those include places like www.gaypornblog.com (racy site, I must say), www.queeradvantage.blogspot.com and www.queerfilter.com – let’s face it, no one is putting me on the family values website anytime soon.

Like most bloggers, I do this out of love of writing (getting people riled up and also love the comments of praise and hate I receive) and although I don’t know that I’ll ever be of the Rosie blog popularity (damn, that’s wrong, right? I’m supposed to imagine that kind of popularity, right? Isn’t that the “Secret” - the only Secret I know is the antiperspirant) At any rate, I’m thankful to be included on sites and to list them here to help fellow bloggers maybe get some more hits. That’s all part of being picked up, right? Getting picked up, well my blog anyway – Don’t Get Me Started!

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No One Wants To Wait For Their Turn – Don’t Get Me Started!

When I began my new job in January of this year I couldn’t quite put my finger on the behavior of some of my co-workers. Some of them were younger and yet some were my contemporaries (a polite way to say they were as old if not older than me). I first called it, “a sense of entitlement” but the more I was around these people what I discovered was that yes, while it has something to do with them feeling a sense of entitlement, it has more to do with the fact that no one wants to wait their turn – Don’t Get Me Started!

Let me give you an example. I’m an Executive Assistant so my day can consist of getting coffee to actually booking flights to wherever coffee is made to have Juan Valdez show me how they pick the beans so that they are “good enough” for the office elite and guests. In short, every day is a busy day for the most part and while I am willing to assist almost anyone, my job title is to assist the CEO. Well one day was really crazy. I was on hold on the land line phone, was on my cell phone and trying to type an email when I feel this presence next to my desk. It was a bit large and wouldn’t go away (no matter how much the 1% of my brain power I could dedicate to it would allow with everything else in the world going on to try to wish it away). And so I looked up as if to say, “Hello? Can you see I’m busy here you stupid fuck?” Thing is that I barely looked at them and the person immediately upon seeing my head turn in their direction began telling me what they needed done. First let me make this clear, the building wasn’t on fire, no one was dying and no one had invented a cure for cancer so let me say that the task this person was barking at me would probably be very low on anyone’s priority list and it didn’t even make my list at all. As I stared at the person in shock and amazement at their stupidity (while still trying to hold up my end of the conversation on the cell phone, realized that the person on the land line had finally taken me off hold by the annoyed, “Hello? Um, well, hello?” I was hearing in my left ear and trying to backspace all the obscenities I had written into the email as what I can only describe as auto-writing as if I’d been possessed by some spirit of a Rosalind Russell type secretary from a 1930’s movie or something) the person simply walked away. When I finally got off both phones and had hit, “send” on the email this person said, “Well, did you get what I was telling you? Can you get that done right away?” Mind you this was something that this person could have and should have handled on their own but much like taking out the garbage or some other task that isn’t the most glamorous, they chose to pawn it off on me rather than handle it themselves. To make the whole thing even more ridiculous, it wasn’t even what some would call one of my “superiors” it was someone on basically the same level as me. One of their superiors had given them the task and they had pawned it off on me. (well, they tried anyway)

Look, I am on call like a doctor, 24/7 as an assistant. I accepted that as part of the position when I took it but if I have to wipe everyone’s chins for them there simply won’t be enough hours in the day or enough cyanide that I can get my hands on.

Thing is that I discovered that this happens everywhere. There was a time when if you walked into Starbucks and saw a line you had a choice to either wait in the line or leave. Last week when I was in my Starbucks and the line was long, there was a guy behind me (who had no idea about, “my space – your space” and was practically up my ass) he stood there shuffling his feet and sighing every few seconds as if that was going to make the line go faster. And I’m not talking about soft sighing, I’m talking like, “Can you hear me sighing everyone? Can you give me some attention from across the room?” sighing.

I guess my point is that sometimes we all have to wait our turn and because most of the people in my office don’t seem to get it, I’m thinking of installing that system they use at bakeries. When you come to my desk you may grab a number from the big red plastic wheel that contains the numbered tickets. When I’m ready to deal with your issue you’ll see the LED lit sign behind me illuminate with your number and then in as friendly of a voice as I can manage, you’ll hear me say, “Number 32…calling number 32? Your crisis may now be handled at Scott’s desk. 32? You have ten more seconds to respond and then I’m moving on to 33!” No one wants to wait their turn – Don’t Get Me Started!

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“Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” Doesn’t Need To Exist – Don’t Get Me Started!

Mitt Romney (That’s “Guy Smiley” for those of you who read my blogs) will not admit or understand obviously but a recent study conducted by four retired military officers concluded that “allowing gays and lesbians to serve openly is unlikely to pose any significant risk to morale, good order, discipline or cohesion.” Yeah, for most of us we knew that all ready but this study tells us what we all ready know, “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” doesn’t need to exist – Don’t Get Me Started!

Personally I just think everyone’s a little too worried about their own foxhole when it comes to this issue (if you know what I mean, and I know that you do). What you never hear is that not all gay men and women think about sex as much as their straight counterparts would like to think that they do. (I know, disappointing, right?) And more to the point, guess what straightees? Just because you have a dick doesn’t mean I want it in me, near me or even close to my vicinity. What a lot of the guys who have problems with gays think is that we all “want them.” My, my how you flatter yourself with your less than flat stomachs, constant belching and ball scratching. Oh make no mistake about it straightee that makes you really hot (insert eye roll and thought, “to who I’m sure I don’t know but not to me”).

And don’t start with the whole thing about gays being in close quarters with straights causing a problem thing because unlike most adolescent straight men (and the grown men who still act like adolescents), you’re going to have to do a lot more than just be in close proximity of me in order to get me heated up for you.

What never fails to amaze me is why people are so threatened by us. When they call us names like, “pansy” and “fag” it would seem to me that they are painting us the weaker of our sex so you mean to tell me that even if we did make advances that the big, bad straightee couldn’t defend himself? (Although I have to say if the thought process is that gays are some sort of wimps they have it all wrong. Have you ever seen two gays beat the crap out of each other? You’d be amazed how cage fighty it gets in seconds (without the Go Go boots). Perhaps they think like the religious leaders who say that we “recruit” “train” and “hypnotize” people into being gay. Frankly I don’t have the energy to act like some sort of Kreskin Cave Man, clubbing straight men over their heads, planting subconscious suggestions in their minds as I’m dragging them back to my cave to train them to suck my dick. It’s all too much bother if you ask me and in the end a gay man can do it better and clean up afterwards anyway.

I hate to pull the Jew card here but I will – I find it amazing that one of the toughest armies in the world, Israel’s, let’s gays in without so much as a bat of the eye. And one of the world’s most civilized, the British do too but us Americans are once again more hung up on keeping the façade of family life in the 1950’s (which by the way, only existed on television in black and white) rather than looking at the reality of the situation.

Look I know I’m not saying anything here that anyone doesn’t already know but let’s face it, the only reason for this blog was so that I could print the line, “everyone’s worried about their own foxhole” – it makes me smile (a devilish smile). “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” doesn’t need to exist – Don’t Get Me Started!

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When Gays Get Handy – Don’t Get Me Started!

Okay, from the title of this I can all ready hear some of your minds racing faster than a white trash couple popping beers on their couch watching NASCAR with all the dirty possibilities. I assure you that much like me, the intent of those words above are pure (wait for sparkle on teeth like a toothpaste commercial, halo to appear above my head, then slip down around my neck and strangle me). What I’m trying to tell you is that for once I went into one of those huge super warehouse home stores that sell everything from lumber to appliances and actually found what I needed. More important than the fact that I found what I needed, I actually installed it and as if all that wasn’t enough, it actually worked! When gays get handy – Don’t Get Me Started!

I am not one of those gays who feels he can be “The Next Design Star” in fact I don’t know that I have any of the proclivity I’m supposed to have as to knowing what color to paint the one wall in my dining room to make it look larger, how to choose “to die for” accents for the room or where to throw throw pillows. That’s right I’m admitting it, I don’t cook all that great and I’m not all that educated or “fabulous” when it comes to decorating. I don’t even think (wait for the gasp from the last admissions to subside) I would even cut hair well. (I know, I wonder all the time how they let me keep my gay membership card at all)

I know that I’m supposed to know my way around a fabric store and as the years go on, I am now supposed to know my way around a Home Depot (the new fabric store for gays) but I’m really okay with admitting such is not the case. You see, it all intimidates me. Sort of like having to go to gym class which has now turned into the gym. My breathing sort of gets stilted as I walk into these stores. Even if I’m going for something simple like a light bulb (which was the case with my recent adventure) I know that I’m going to endlessly walk the oversized aisles looking up at things that could kill me if they fell on me and never find what I came in there for in the first place. I see the people in their bright orange vests who are supposed to be helpful but let’s face it, they’re just like those people who work in health food stores (who are all so healthy they look like death warmed over) who know in an instant that I’m not one of them. They look at me as if to say, “Poser – I know your colon is full of rotting meat. As if you really deserve the “Not Dogs” (imitation hot dogs – yes, they really make them) that you’re looking at, meaty!”) The same can be said for the vested helpers who are not invested in helping me at all. They know by scent or something that saw dust and caulk do not run through my veins (nor has either of these things ever been underneath my fingernails). So for the most part I try to stay as far away from these stores as possible however when several specialty bulbs from the chandelier in our office (designed by a white woman who is very thin but not a gay man who would then be considered gay thin) I had no choice but to go to one of these stores to find the bulb I needed. And so I walked in and finally found a woman with the orange vest on who did not seem as though she ate gays like me for breakfast nor did she seem so feeble that she wouldn’t know where things were in the vast location. As I held up the tiny bulb with two prongs on it she barely looked at it before telling me, “Aisle twelve in the drawers.” And without laying a finger aside of her nose but giving a nod up the aisle she rose.

I found the drawers containing the bulbs and although it looked the same as the one in my hand and had the same kind of markings (sort of like tagging wildlife or gays – read that blog here http://hubpages.com/hub/The-Gay-Tag-And-Release-Program--Dont-Get-Me-Started ) I knew that it wouldn’t be right. Why did I know this? Because I have never gone into one of these stores and walked out with something that was right or fit. But perhaps the gay angels that wear tool belts were looking down on me smiling instead of throwing a wrench at me because lo and behold they indeed fit. And as I climbed up onto the conference table to unscrew the glass orbs and replace the bulbs there was a true sense of accomplishment. Dare I name it as “gay pride?” Drunk with the excitement of this conquest I’m going home right now to throw some pillows! When gays get handy – Don’t Get Me Started!

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When Hateful Comments Are Posted To Your Blog – Don’t Get Me Started!

Let’s face it for the most part we all want to be liked. Now it’s true that some of us (like me) have turned it into such a sport that we sometimes lose sight of ourselves for trying to get everyone to like us. I think it’s a little like perfectionists. We all know we’re human and can’t ever be perfect but try telling that to a perfectionist. The same thing applies, knowing that not everyone is going to like you is a given, right? Not so right when it comes to being me. I don’t know if it’s my age or what but I do think I’m getting better and the way that I know this is when hateful comments are posted to your blog – Don’t Get Me Started!

When I first started the blogging process, the moment a negative comment would come in I would delete it, erase it, do whatever it took to get rid of it as quickly as possible so as to convince the world and myself that it never existed. I thought if I could get rid of it fast enough it wouldn’t stick (or would seem as if it never existed at all) but much like Mrs. Macbeth, I found myself mentally not being able to remove the comment from my brain no matter how many times I screamed, “Out damn spot!”

In the reverse, when comments came in that were positive I read and re-read them, sometimes I felt like Sally Field in her Oscar acceptance speech, “You like me, you really, really like me.” And for someone who was always the last picked on the playground of life, this validation was very important. Don’t get me wrong, I still love when people write in and say they laughed so hard I made coffee go through their nose or tell me that they were feeling the same thing about a certain topic. We all need some validation in our lives, yes? But I don’t think I crave it as much. I just enjoy that there are people who read me regularly, get me and enjoy what I have to say. Or the people who haven’t read me regularly but write in (I found this article by sheer accident. It's roughly 8:15 in the morning, i'm drinking my first cup of coffee because i need the caffein and then i start reading this article. Well, let me tell you, i could not stop laughing, i had the whole visual picture in my mind. Sadly, everything he said was true, we all have so much stress in our lives that we look for someone to give us clarity especially with our own money. We have all been in this situation at one time or another, maybe not with 401k but money that belongs to us and can't touch even in a moment of desperation. Scott, I just loved your writing, your article MADE MY DAY. I will look at your other articles.)

Recently I’ve gotten some negative comments from people. Mostly it’s on my Vblogs on YouTube (See them all here at http://www.youtube.com/somelikeitscott ). But what I find extraordinary is that most of the negative comments are from people who have watched more than one of my videos. If you hate me that much why are you “tuning” in for more than one episode – change the channel for God Sakes! Sure, I could use the old gay cliché – “me thinks you doth protest too much” (that is a gay cliché isn’t it?) and say that it was some closeted queen writing to vent his own frustration about being gay, but I don’t really think that to be true. What does amaze me is what they say (and how they can’t spell). Here are a couple of the comments from a recent viewer of a couple of my Vblogs. The first is from my first Vblog I ever did where I talk about coming into your home each week via video blog - “I don’t want you in my home because u might butt fuck me. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the next Michel Jackson” The same person then commented on my vblog about my federal stimulus check – “Wow gay people should be killed, you were not born that way you just got fucked up the ass to many times asshole.” To be honest, I did delete these comments but not because like a cat after he pees I was scratching to try to cover it up but because I didn’t see any point in leaving nonsensical comments like this on my vblog. What’s to be gained?

The thing is that as I grow older I tend to live more clichés than I had intended when I was younger. I learn to take these comments with a grain of salt, as they say. You see, what I’ve learned is that when people take the time to spew hate, there’s really something wrong with them, not me. What is that other cliché about when you point at someone, three fingers are pointing back at you? (I have a million of ‘em) Look, the point is that I want to make people laugh, think and ultimately accept not only me but the many more of me that are out there. There are so many gay people still living their lives in fear of being exposed or growing older than 35 (as that seems to be the gay shelf life in the media). So if there are a few bumps and bruises along the way it’s okay, I can take it. Because in spite of what the hateful people say, I’m a man, a gay man, a gay Jewish man, a gay Jewish man who has the love of a gay black man, his cats and his family and that’s the validation that’s really important to me.
 
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Now They Stole The Starbucks Tip Cup! – Don’t Get Me Started!

Don’t tell me that we’re not getting more and more desperate here in America. I don’t know if it’s the gas prices, people losing jobs or just that America’s Got Talent (supposedly) is back for another season but the natives are getting restless and desperate. That’s right, as if Americans weren’t stressed out enough, all of the above factors and more are turning us into a band of pirates who would eat the parrot right off our captain’s shoulder. And as if you needed any more evidence, now they stole the Starbucks tip cup – Don’t Get Me Started!

It was a typical Sunday morning and I stumbled out of bed and went to the kitchen (to grab my keys to go to Starbucks for a “cup of ambition” – yes, in my world you need to know Dolly Parton AND the movie/song Nine To Five). As I arrived at my Starbucks by my home (my weekend Starbucks location) there were a few baristas that I hadn’t seen in a while and it was like a big reunion. One of them heard the commotion and came from the back saying, “What’s going on here?” And then upon seeing me said, “Oh, it’s you, Scott. You’re a celebrity around here.” Which of course made me feel really swell, so swell in fact that there was going to be a larger than usual tip from me. And so after paying for my liquid crack, I looked down to place the change (and then some) into the square plastic container that usually contained tips. It wasn’t there but the one at the other register was there so I place the money in that one, asking the cashier what happened to their tip cup? She looked at me a little confused but we all went on talking until the shift supervisor seemed to hear us in a delayed universe and went straight for where the tip container had once been. She knew in an instant that someone had taken it. One of the baristas said, “I can’t believe someone would do this with all five of us here on the bar this morning. I think I’m going to cry.” True, she may have been a little melodramatic but in a way can you blame her for feeling as though someone had violated her? They had, they had taken away part of her income for the day. The shift supervisor sent one of the kids out to the parking lot to see if the thief had at least left the actual tip cup on their way from the scene of the crime. It was not to be found. Come on kids, haven’t the Starbucks kids been through enough lately with the closing of 600 locations looming?

Stealing the change cup at a Starbucks is bad and although I’m talking about it in what is hopefully an amusing way, I have to tell you that I think we’re going to start seeing more and more of this type of behavior. My family has all ready been attacked by desperation when my father’s old Suburban had the gas siphoned out of it. That’s right, sitting right in their driveway someone sucked the gas out of my Dad’s car! And so my father bought the locking gas cap but I’ve heard that people are actually not even screwing with unscrewing the gas cap and are splitting the gas line to drain cars of their gas. It’s all too shocking. I’m shocked that anyone knows how to even do that but I guess that desperate times call for desperate measures. Or does it?

At the end of it all, we all have to co-exist, right? So let’s not get all “Alive” (the book about the people who went down in a plane somewhere I think in the Andes Mountains and ended up having to eat one another to survive) on one another, shall we? I get it, that the government doesn’t seem to be listening and the price of everything is going up while people are losing their jobs but come on kids, let’s at least try to be decent to one another, shall we? After all, do you really think that the baristas at Starbucks are like the executives getting richer and richer at the oil companies? And aren’t you hurting yourself and our society on some level when you knock down or steal from your fellow man who by the way, just happens to be in the same situation as you (or worse?).

(Get ready for the subversive homosexual agenda in me to raise its ugly head in the next sentence). Shouldn’t we be worrying more about our economy, people’s jobs, healthcare and where we’re going to get our next oil fix instead of spending all our time worrying about “the gays” getting married and adopting children? Couldn’t we take all the money, time and effort being spent to pass laws against the homosexuals and use those resources to find solutions to real problems affecting all of us? Just a thought. Hey, I know that people aren’t going to stop trying to stop us gays from having rights but anywhere I can say I think it’s wrong, I’m going to say so.

There are a lot of things wrong out there but let’s do something right, okay? Let’s at least let the baristas have their tips as they may not have their jobs soon and as I asked in a previous blog, what will happen to the baristas? This new breed of people that Starbucks created. Will they become extinct or will they just end up buying their own espresso machines, standing out on corners like the people who sell fruit and the Sunday paper – selling their coffee curbside?

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Tight Clothes Are Never The Answer – Don’t Get Me Started!

I can’t help it, it’s just something I know to be true and I don’t care if people think I’m mean. When you have bulges in places that shouldn’t have bulges, it’s important to dress appropriately and what you must know is that tight clothes are never the answer – Don’t Get Me Started!

This morning as I walked out of my Starbucks there was a man and woman seemingly in their late forties who seemed as though they were married. The gentleman was wearing your typical short sleeved polo shirt and some jeans. Although you could see the fabric of the shirt being stretched around his bulding stomach, it wasn’t stretched to its limits. His wife on the other hand was a completely different story. She was not enormously overweight but from her choice of clothing, she looked HUGE! She had on stretch denim pants that were so tight that you could see that she had “large curd” cottage cheese in her behind. As if that wasn’t bad enough, she had this miniscule white shirt on that was riding up above her Buddha belly, which was spilling over the top of her jean crop/short/ugos. If there’s one way to show people you’re completely crazy, it’s parading around in an outfit like this one. Never mind that it was hardly age appropriate, it was too damn tight!

I myself have not been blessed with a taught stomach but I was taught to cover it up and to at least play to the few attribute strengths I’ve got when it comes to my physical appearance. I don’t think you have to be a fashionista, I think you just have to look at yourself in the mirror. And tell me just when did it become okay to be showing your fleshy stomach or let your ass hang so far out of your shorts so that small children could play connect the dots with your cellulite from your ankle to your ass (which is at the back of your knee) to draw the shape of a brontosaurus or is that a crazy person?

Look, I’m not advocating that everyone go back to the 1930’s where to show an ankle would be daring but it just seems to me that along the way somewhere we’ve lost our internal barometers that tell us what we should and shouldn’t be wearing. Or perhaps it’s just that Jiminy Cricket is dead. We no longer have anyone on our shoulder telling us to have our conscience be our guide because the collective consciousness is to wear whatever the hell you want – no matter what sticks out because after all, everyone else is doing it at their obese size so people think, “Why the hell not?”

I’ll tell you why the hell not…because I don’t want to look at your fat ass poured in to clothes that you stole from your daughter you had when you were twelve and she’s now eight. It’s not cute to see you forty-something women poured into clothes from the “Juniors” department or articles of clothing you still have from when you were in high school, it’s just a little sad and a lot ugly.

Forget about all this crap about going “green” if we really want to help the environment we all live in- let’s just get people covered up because the eye pollution is about to kill me. And I’m not talking in a burka or “Go Amish” kind of way, I’m just talking clothes that fit properly for the body they are on. Tight clothes are never the answer – Don’t Get Me Started!

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The Leather Air Freshener In My Car - Don’t Get Me Started!

I’ve always declined the “scent” when asked at the car wash. I don’t think it’s cool or funny to see the standard pine tree cardboard freshener hanging from your rear view mirror nor the variety that was a crown that sat on your dashboard that seemed very popular a few years back (I mean what happened? Did your dashboard eat Imperial margarine and the crown just suddenly appeared?) At any rate, I have avoided the car air freshener as much as possible however with the weather being well into the 100 degree marks here in Vegas and me keeping the windows locked up tight and air conditioner on, I decided it was time for a car scent (as it were). So when I was in one of those mega house wares store recently I decided to purchase a three pack of different scents for my car and the first one I tried almost killed me. The leather air freshener in my car – Don’t Get Me Started!

I won’t say the name of the company that makes the freshener directly (as I don’t think legally you’re supposed to, even on a blog that only one in 700 billion read) but let’s just say if you put “Doodle Dandy” after it, you’ll know what company I’m talking about. This company does the full line of scented candles, room sprays, electronic things you push into the wall to make it smelly in your dwelling and just about everything else you can think of that might be smelleriffic. I’ve had some of their products before and I’ve always liked them so I figured this was the safest bet when choosing a car fragrance (okay, even writing that makes me feel gross – like you’d have to go to some counter in a department store and have a very thin gay man dressed in all black – who plucked his eyebrows within an inch of their lives – spray a sample of the fragrance on a small slip of paper and then try to make you smell coffee beans to “cleanse your nose palate” before giving you the next “fragrance to smell”).

At any rate, the three smells in the package were “leather” “something piney” and “moonlight madness” or something like that – don’t you love how people make up names for scents? I mean who comes up with “moonlight madness” and thinks that we’ll have any idea what that might smell like? They need to get over themselves and call them what they are or at least give us some indication of what they smell like, don’t you think? Or perhaps that’s their way of making money, by putting these farchacta names on things so that you buy it, get it home and when it smells like Pine Sol that was poorly applied over cat urine, you throw it out and buy something else. (Per usual I digress to the point I almost forget that I had a point when I began writing.)

And so I chose the “leather” smell to give my car that smell that only Ricardo Montalban could describe as “Corinthian Leather” from the old car commercials. Now remember kids that it’s well over 100 degrees here so as your car bakes in the sun like that horrible cake batter from your Easy Bake Oven from the 1970’s, the smell really gets going in your vehicle. And with a Mini Cooper like I drive even cracking the slightest corner of the packaging, creates so much scent you have no idea. And so I “installed” the scent and then went into work. So I get out of work and I open the door to my car. Nothing had every prepared me for what I was about to smell.

Oh sure, it smelled like leather but really cheap leather and it was so smelly that I began to wonder if a cow hadn’t crawled under one of my seats and died. Now when I say it was that cheap leather smell, I want you all to remember back to those stores in malls that sold nothing but leather goods. (No, not the ones that sold restraints and harnesses, sillies) I’m talking about the ones that sold leather jackets for like $99 or something. Do you remember those? How you’d walk in and think that it smelled pretty good but by the time you walked all the way through the store – to the back wall where all the leather trench coats were – all you could smell was that stench of what can only be described as cheap leather that was wrapped in plastic that was shipped in a box all the way from Taiwan, sat out in the heat and then had just been opened. It was so heady that you didn’t know if your eyes were going to tear up or you were going to puke. Now you know how my Mini smelled.

Needless to say, the air freshener was thrown out immediately. And although it only spent a few hours in my car, apparently they make these things like that cheap old perfume called, “Windsong” – you know how they used to sing about it in that commercial, “That Windsong stays on his mind.” And although two days later it has finally started to dissipate I don’t mind telling you I’m a bit scared to open another one of those plastic envelopes containing the smelly cardboard card (or Anthrax – same smell, I’m thinking). Sure I want my car to smell nice but I’m thinking that “Moonlight Madness” may be just as maddening as the “leather” smell. Screw gas prices, Starbucks closing locations, what’s really important is how my car smells – and doesn’t smell! The leather air freshener in my car – Don’t Get Me Started!

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McCain and Romney Oh Yeah, That’s What We Need – Don’t Get Me Started!

I’ve tried to stay away from blogging about matters that seem to be here today and gone tomorrow. The main reason for this of course is that news, celebrities, etc. change faster than I change my hair so if you put it out there on the worldwide web, no doubt some yahoo will email you three years later telling you that you’re wrong (and in most cases by then they’ve discovered that Lance Bass really is interesting or something). At any rate, this is why I’m trying to temper my temper tantrums with timeless things like how long it takes to get a cup of coffee at a Starbucks, etc. However, with all that said I find that I cannot hold my tongue on the matter of McCain and Romney oh yeah, that’s what we need – Don’t Get Me Started!

I saw something online that said Romney was a strong candidate to be McCain’s Vice Presidential candidate. Well, I’ve been over Romney since he wanted to be president. To me he looks way too much like Guy Smiley from Sesame Street, you know the game show host – and can we really trust Muppets to run the country? I think not. Meanwhile, he’s Mormon. Yes, I’ve known plenty a Mormon in my day and to use the cliché – some of them were even close friends but come on, with the government’s inability to separate church from state as it is, do we really want a guy in office who wants to send our youth door to door in white shirts and black ties, tithe 10% to the church and fill the White House pantry as if it was a panic room? Let me speak for me – no, I don’t.

Meanwhile I’ve had trouble looking at Bush for all these years, do you really expect me to look at the new comb over version of him in McCain? Come on, say what you want but let’s face it – McCain looks like one of those hairless cats – he’s all one color. He’s a combination of that and when Danny Devito played “Penguin” in the Batman movie. Am I saying that politicians need to be attractive? You bet your ass! Because as Marilyn Monroe says in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, “You don’t marry her just because she’s pretty but my goodness, doesn’t it help?” Time and time again history has shown that the pretty people get more – more money at their job, more of people’s attention and I’m sure even more than any of us not so pretty people will ever know. So when it comes to the President, pretty counts.

I know some are appalled by what they just read and are going to tell me how he was a prisoner, etc. and all I have to say to that is that we’ve all been prisoners too…for eight years. Come on look at this war that we’re spending a zillion dollars on and getting nothing in return – no oil, no respect and no help for the kids fighting it once they get home. Great job everyone. When will we get wise?

And while I’m at it – everyone needs to lay off Michelle Obama. I’m sorry that she isn’t a mealy mouthed wannabe Stepford wife several years younger than her husband like that McCain blonde dudshell. I’m sorry that it frightens people that there may be an educated woman in the White House (and yes, that includes the tons of women in this country who just don’t seem to get it). Oh sure, women can be educated  as long as they stay out of politics and are like Oprah, funding projects (that incidentally the government should be doing – like her New Orleans work) and having a book club.

Well, as I’m writing this I know that there are a lot of people who are going to go into those voting booths and vote for McCain because let’s face it, no one likes change and with McCain you know you’re getting a typical white guy politician which is what we’re all used to at this point. But come on kids, is this working for us? And is what McCain’s offering all that different from Bush? And most importantly, do you think that Romney is going to somehow make McCain more attractive by association? I think not. Nope the Mormon and the hairless George W. are not for me and they shouldn’t be for you either. McCain and Romney oh yeah, that’s what we need – Don’t Get Me Started!

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