5 Things You Should Do When You’re In Line At An Airport – Don’t Get Me Started!

I knew leaving Las Vegas on a Sunday for a nine day business trip was not a good idea. But what are you supposed to do when you have meetings starting at 8:30am on a Monday morning you go the day before, right? The airport was a mess, filled with hung over people who had alcohol pouring out of every pore, what a perfect day to be sardined in among the smelly, the sweaty, the underbelly pod people from Dubuque as they made their way home to their normal lives. Now when the Vegas airport (or any airport for that matter) is this crowded you have few choices. I would suggest a few deep breaths but the contact high you’d get might kill you so I’ll just say you need to breathe slowly, strap yourself in and get in line with everyone else. Oh, that everyone could get to that Zen place but such was not the case and there was more shoving and pushing than a good mud wrestling competition. So here they are the five things you should do when you’re in line at an airport – Don’t Get Me Started!

From the minute you get dropped off curbside, you know you’re in trouble. People are staking their claims, their portion of the sidewalk with their eighteen bags for three people and dressed as if everything came out of a small backpack. (What the hell IS in those bags? Bodies?) Maneuvering around these people I went right in for e-ticket check-in with my one bag. Let me stop here for a minute and tell you about my fabulous red hard-sided luggage. It’s fabulous but it’s also a little heavy and I started to worry about the weight of my bag before I even left home. In a feeble lightening effort I removed one long sleeved t-shirt, one sweatshirt and a cashmere sweater. I know, I had to laugh at myself thinking that removing those three items were going to make a huge weight difference but as I shlepped my big fabulous red luggage onto the scale at the counter, my choices had paid off. There’s a 50 pound bag limit and what was the weight of mine you ask? That’s right, 46.5 pounds! (And yes, I was thinking, “Damn, I could have had the cashmere sweater with me!”)

Now at this point let me say that I have as little patience as every other red-blooded American but once again, I was getting in touch with my inner airport self. That was until I went upstairs and rounded the corner to see the line to get to security was a good half a mile long. You could hear the collective groans as we all filed into the long line. In case you’re wondering, I have no pity for the people who are in the Vegas airport and have only left themselves ten minutes to get through security. Yet somehow they think due to their inability to manage their own time that they are so much more important than the rest of us rule-followers who left enough time to get through security and maybe even get a little something to eat. Right away these people start “bloosing” (this is a word my grandmother used to use for people who are doing that whole blowing air out of their mouths and making noise with their flapping lips in an effort to let you know they are disgusted). They look at their watches, they call people on the phone and loudly bitch about the long lines and as if that’s not enough then they ask you if they can go in front of you because they’re going to miss their flight. What moving up one or two people in a line of 650 is going to do for you I don’t know but I always let them go because it gets them away from me. Sometimes I even offer before they ask which throws them completely off base.

So at some point we’re supposed to get into four lines, or at least that’s what the security (I use the term loosely) guy is yelling at all of us as we move akin to what I think must have happened to my Jewish ancestors when they came off the boats in hoards at Ellis Island. Just like steerage except cute ringtones going off instead of mooing and much like Disneyland, just when we think that we’re getting closer, we enter the “maze” portion of the line (except there will be no Matterhorn to ride at the end of it). This is when the cows, oops, I mean, people start the pushing. They’re jumping back and forth from line to line (as if it will make a difference) and just when they move to that line the other line starts moving faster. Once they’ve checked your ID with your boarding pass, the four lines move to one line again. Now everyone is really getting antsy…must get ahead of those people at any cost. You can feel the anxiety as they hit the back of your legs with their carry on roller bags. By the time you actually get to the security checkpoint you’re more than happy to take off all your clothes and put them in the gray bins so that you might be able to get the sweaty guy screaming on his phone behind you off your ass finally.

The thing is, standing there with your shoes in your hand and your laptop under one arm while trying to juggle your briefcase and your coat you realize that the people next to you are the same people you started out with at the start of the line. All their zigging, zagging and asking to get ahead of you made them move maybe one to two people in front of you, period. My point to all of this is that as long as we’re all trying to get somewhere where other people want to get too, there’s going to be a line. Whether it’s at a popular movie, club or an airport so if you know there is going to be a line going in why are you so surprised and why do you think you should get a pass to not have to wait like the rest of us? Moreover what’s with all the bloosing and disgust? Do you really think I want to smell your sixteen gin and tonics from the night before? Do you really think I want to hear your kid screaming? Do you really think I want to keep getting hit by your luggage? Or hear you bitch on your phone? Well, let me set the record straight. I do not. I don’t expect you to have patience in everything you do because I myself lose it once a day or more but when you’re in a place where there’s a line and you become a part of that line here’s the rules:

1.      Remain calm

2.      Pay attention and move when the line moves

3.      Don’t talk on your cell phone and annoy others

4.      Don’t reek of alcohol

5.      Stay put because all your maneuvering isn’t going to get you much further than anyone else anyway

I’ll admit waiting in line (or “on line” as the New Yorkers say) isn’t my favorite thing in the world but you people (and you know who you are) are making it a hell of a lot worse. So get to your inner airport self and remember the five things you should do when you’re in line at an airport – Don’t Get Me Started!

Comment on this blog at...
http://hubpages.com/hub/5-Things-You-Should-Do-When-Youre-In-Line-At-The-Airport-and-Im-in-the-line-with-you 

To Sir With A Little Less Than Love – Don’t Get Me Started!

I’m not sure if it comes naturally to me because my ancestors built the pyramids from the ground up (with nothing but some straw and mud and they’re still standing, thank you very much) but I do seem to excel at making a mountain out of any molehill, as the saying goes. I have written more than one blog in my lifetime regarding bad guest service (Read one here… When Bad Customer Service Happens...Gotta Get A Gay!), I know I should just be thankful for the decent service I received but be that as it may, I’m still going to kvetch. So I go into my Starbucks this morning and other than the manager it’s a completely new crew there. Fine, no problem there but as my drink was handed to me by one of the new guys behind the counter he looked at me a millisecond longer and then said, “Here you go, sir.” Sir? To sir with less than love – Don’t Get Me Started!

I know, I know, I should be thankful that the kid was respectful, made eye contact and called me sir. (Especially when I’ve so often been mistaken for a woman! Read one of those blogs here… http://www.somelikeitscott.com/2006.10.01_arch.html#1160773419868 ) And perhaps it’s just my delusional thought process that allows me to keep telling myself I’m Peter Pan when I’ve really reached the age of say, Mr. Darling but I don’t want to be a sir. Is that so wrong?

Blame our youth oriented culture or the gay ideal of being ever-young and having washboard abs for the rest of your life, whatever it is, I just thought I was still in the “guy” or even “dude” phase and hadn’t really reached the “sir” level quite yet. The thing is that in my rational mind I understand that in a lot of regions in this country, the term “sir” and “ma’am” are done solely out of respect for anyone older than you but it doesn’t sting any less I’m afraid. (And if you’ve read any of my other blogs, I don’t know that I could be considered one of the most rational people in the world anyway.) Let’s face it, the only way I want to be a “sir” is if the queen of England is knighting me.

It’s time for me to face the music (of apparently another, older generation) I do know that when I got my hair cut this week and I started looking in the mirror there was much more gray then brown on the top of my head. I guess I can’t just keep telling myself I’ve gone “pre-maturely” gray like say, Anderson Cooper. The long couple of white hairs on my chest and other areas on my body help confirm that too. No, I’m just a, dare I say it, a MAN now. Ugh. My boyish days are officially over. And this young kid calling me “sir” was just a little like someone ringing a bell in a championship fight. Now don’t think I’m giving up the fight entirely and won’t continue to moisturize myself until I’m as creamy as the center of a Milky Way candy bar but this round is over and the winner is definitely Father Time.

I’ve been called a lot worse in my day and one “sir” isn’t going to set me back too much. But this morning as I hopped out of my Mini Cooper, full of pep in my step, the Starbucks kid calling me “sir” definitely flattened my tires just a bit. To sir with less than love – Don’t Get Me Started!

Comment on this blog here...
http://hubpages.com/hub/But-Im-Too-Young-To-Be-A-Sir 

“That’s So Gay” – Don’t Get Me Started!

So I’m listening to the radio this morning on my way into work and the “morning zoo” DJs are talking about whether or not “guys are down with wearing themed matching costumes with their girlfriends for Halloween.” The examples they were giving were like prison matron and prisoner, etc. They asked guys to call in and let them know whether or not they would wear a themed matching costume or not. And so this guy calls in and says that he could be “down” with matching costumes if it was something cool but not if it were something like M&Ms because, “that’s so gay” – Don’t Get Me Started!

Now I get it, that people are way too sensitive about words on the whole anymore but since we’re all going there with the “N” word and the “F” word (another thing I hate, you can read that blog here… http://hubpages.com/hub/Are_Hate_Words_Really_Better_As_A_Single_Letter_in_Quotes ) I was wondering why I was flinching every time this guy (and he repeated it many times talking about different costumes) would say, “that’s so gay” and I decided that it was just yet another way that mainstream society shows us gays by their actions that we’re something bad, something to be ridiculed or something that is just well, unacceptable. And you know what? I’ve had it with this kind of crap. The DJs didn’t say anything to the guy as they were throwing costumes ideas out to him and he continually voiced his opinion saying certain costumes were “so gay” while others were “acceptable” but when the DJ repeated what the guy had to say about the M&M costumes, he was smart enough not to repeat what the caller said but to say, “that would be bad” instead of “gay.” So if the DJ knew enough to not repeat the word “gay” where were his balls to tell the caller not to use the word? Or better yet, where was the producer that screened the call? I guess the message here is that it’s okay if the radio personality doesn’t say the word but those of us who have any sense know that by NOT saying anything he’s condoning the use of the word in this way and the negativity toward homosexuals.

Now I can all ready hear some people reading this, begging me to get the hell off my soap box but honestly, when will enough be enough? It’s not like there aren’t words out there to describe something you don’t like so why do you have to go to the whole gay thing? I’ll tell you why, because no one stands up and says it’s not right. Well, I’m saying it and I just wish that the radio gang had some conviction of conscious. They seemed to know not to repeat it to keep their jobs. (Thank you Mr. Imus) Yet they did nothing. Now being a Jew as well as a homosexual, I could go into the whole thing about all of the people who did nothing as the holocaust was going on but having just written that last line I don’t have to go into a whole thing because by the magical powers of Jewish guilt I made you think about it without having to actually “go there” as they say.

Here’s my idea, anyone who is reading this just have the conviction to say something when someone calls someone the “F” word or says, “that’s so gay” in a negative connotation. Say something like, “You know what? I don’t understand how that makes whatever you’re talking about gay? Are you saying gay like it’s a bad thing? Because I read this gay guy’s blog and it’s pretty freakin’ great. So grow up and try picking a word that actually says what you mean, can I get you a dictionary or can you come up with one on your own?”

I’m the last person to think I’m the gay Oprah but I do believe (yes, from my recent experience at the dry cleaner…watch that Vblog here… http://hubpages.com/hub/Why_I_Broke_Up_With_My_Dry_Cleaner ) that we all really can do a lot when we each do a little. So go out there and take care of your fellow humans and let them know gay is a good thing, a compliment in fact. It’s fabulous. “Fabulous…that’s so gay” (in a good way) – Don’t Get Me Started!

Comment on this blog at...
http://hubpages.com/hub/Thats-So-Gay---Dont-Get-Me-Started 

Now I Just Feel Sorry For Chris Crocker And All Of Us Gays – Don’t Get Me Started!

When the video first broke of the fried blonde boy from Tennessee screaming and crying over the public’s treatment of Britney Spears’ performance at the MTV Video Music Awards, I watched and laughed with everyone. Then I watched as the media frenzy began and the headlines went crazy over the effeminate boy and his supposedly not acted performance on YouTube. But then I read an article on him and after seeing his appearance on the Jimmy Kimmel show last night, I honestly have to say that now I just feel sorry for Chris Crocker and all of us gays – Don’t Get Me Started!

The local Vegas paper (The Las Vegas Review-Journal) carried a story last Saturday that started me thinking that perhaps Chris Crocker wasn’t all eyeliner and hair flipping. In the article, while he talks briefly about his development deal for a new reality show, the makeup seems a bit thinner than usual as he tells of his teen parents not being able to raise him, living with his grandparents and saying that his grandparents can no longer attend church in their small town due to the media frenzy he’s created (he refuses to name the town where he lives for fear of I guess even more media swooping down on him which is in direct conflict to his seemingly endless need for attention by his video blogs). So after reading this article, I started to feel a little sorry for this kid who is obviously one of those kids who is effeminate and “different” from his peers so out of self-preservation, he takes it to the extreme to show to the world and himself that he’s the one making fun of him so no one can hurt him.

Enter the Jimmy Kimmel performance last night. Filled with innuendo (to the acted supposed uncomfortable squirming of the show’s host) Chris Crocker continually flipping his hair and adjusting his bikini bra top to show off I don’t know what and the more this kid flounced and tried to be funny the sadder I got. Sad that here this kid thinks he’s got the world by its tail and really he’s in for a ten to fifteen minute media ride that will no doubt end in a tailspin of him being barely a footnote to celebrity life. Let’s face it, this kid is not a stand up comedian, he’s not really an actor, he’s just a wounded gay kid who I suspect was looking for acceptance in his small town, couldn’t find it so decided to become this pseudo woman in his bedroom, posting on YouTube because it made his three female friends (presumably wall flowers and a bit overweight) laugh and made him feel more than accepted, it made him feel better than everyone else. Now while all of this is me presuming, I think most of us gays go through something similar. You have a choice to either try to fit in by going unnoticed, walking with your head down, not making eye contact or you can be one of us that wear a green satin OZ jacket, use the word, “fabulous” a little too much and hug people in the halls of your high school with air kisses to each cheek. (Oops, my teen years are showing) The world may have changed some since I was in high school but I’m not so sure that it’s gotten better for the kids like Chris Crocker.

Sure, they now have the Internet to broadcast themselves and to see a broader picture of the world from their computer monitor but as we all find out (some of us when we become forty-something gays) you can’t avoid your true self no matter how much eyeliner you put on. Now, I’m not agreeing with the anti-gays who say that every gay is created by a tragic past but in Chris Crocker, I do see some tragedy. The biggest tragedy of course is that it plays right into the hands of all the people in our society who would like for gays to only be seen as freakishly scary effeminate creatures that solicit sex in bathrooms and want to dress like women. Why? Because it’s funnier if the kid seems like a gay whack job, a court jester to the world of straight people, something to be mocked and feed into the stereotype that “those people” are somehow less than the rest of the legally allowed to marry world. And so us “garden variety gays’” (as I call us) jobs just got harder.

I hope Chris Crocker gets the fame he’s looking for but more importantly I hope that at some point in his life he figures out that there is a person behind all that makeup and dyed hair that people would like and would even love without the costume. I hope he learns to truly accept his own beauty as a person before that funny, bitchy veneer turns to bitter old queen. Being sarcastic has it’s place (just read all my blog entries) but Chris, for your sake as well as for all of us, know that there’s more to you than just some quick one liners punctuated with a flounce of the hair. We grown up gays will be waiting for you and hoping you make the transition but for now I just feel sorry for Chris Crocker and all of us gays – Don’t Get Me Started!

Comment on this blog at...
http://hubpages.com/hub/Now-I-Just-Feel-Sorry-For-Chris-Crocker-And-All-Of-Us-Gays

When Are Too Many Jews Not A Good Thing? When They’re Waiting To Get Into A Buffet To Break Their Yom Kippur Fast! – Don’t Get Me Started!

This is a “Don’t Get Me Started” that is really a second hand story. (Not to be confused with the picture used of me by MikWright on cards and coasters where at the age of seven I was wearing my mother’s wig, glasses and leopard blouse singing along with Barbra Streisand to the song, “Second Hand Rose” – buy that card and coaster here… http://www.somelikeitscott.com/somelikefaves.html ) No this is the kind of second hand story that should really be told by my mother and father who experienced it. But alas, I’m the one with the blog so here goes. When are too many Jews not a good thing? When they’re waiting to get into a buffet to break their Yom Kippur fast! – Don’t Get Me Started!

For those that do not know, one of the traditions in Judaism is that from sundown to sundown, Jew fast for the Yom Kippur holiday. Although there may be some debate about how this started and why it’s still done, I subscribe to the theory I read that the idea is that this day you are to use your mouth only to praise God and since even the worst mother in the world will teach you not to eat with your mouth full, you can imagine that God probably really hates it when people pray or praise him with pastrami in their mouth. So while most Jews spend this all day in shul, others quietly starve and pray in their own homes.

As those of you who read my blogs know, I talk to my mother every day. (Yes, welcome to the world of co-dependence.) And every Sunday, Michael and I go to my parents for dinner. (If you think I’m in the least bit funny, you should meet my parents! Oy!) This dinner usually turns into a laugh fest until we all have indigestion and such was the case last night. On Saturday, my parents had decided to go to one of the local casinos that cater to the Jews on the Jewish holidays by creating an event around the “break fast” of Yom Kippur. (No, it’s not breakfast, it’s breaking the fast that you’ve just been through) So the buffet was supposed to open at 4pm and my parents figured they could outsmart the synagogue Jews by going right at 4pm. Logic would lead you to believe that the synagogue Jews probably wouldn’t get out of shul until around 5pm so the plan on paper looked perfect. I, on the other hand know more than a little bit about how Jews work and knew that this was a bad idea because when it comes to Jews and food there are few absolutes other than it’s always going to make for a good story. So we declined to join them. I mean, come on, it’s a buffet (that most are getting free from the casino as an enticement to get them in the building), it’s filled with every smoked fish imaginable and there’s an actual reason to eat like crazy because you haven’t eaten in twenty-four hours. No, this had disaster written all over it and I wanted no parts of it whatsoever.  

So according to my parents, they get there and the place is mobbed. I don’t mean a line, I mean like the exodus out of Egypt. Apparently it was Jews as far as the eye could see and every one of them apparently as hungry for smoked white fish as our ancestors were for freedom when Moses walked them out of Egypt. No surprise that the crowd was all fapitzed (dressed up in Yiddish) for the event. My mother tried to explain it but it just seemed to confuse me even more. She began to explain what kind of Jews were there and it went something like this, “They were the California and Chicago Jews. You know, not as loud or stereotypical as the New York Jews and yet not as refined as the Philadelphia Jews (where she grew up, by the way). These Jews all had the matching necklaces and earrings and handbags to die for. The men all had on those silk mock turtle necks and all the gold jewelry hanging. And while we’re all standing there in line, they all know each other so they are kibitzing.”

My parents stood in that line for one hour. At one point it all became too much for my mother so she had to get out of the line and just sit on a bench and watch the parade from the sidelines. And as if things weren’t bad enough, apparently the casino had “reserved” some tables (“They had blue table cloths on them and white chairs, you know, for the holiday,” my mother was quick to add) and when the online Jews saw that some were being taken to these reserved tables you can just imagine what took place. No real screaming or disorderly conduct, just a ton of kvetching (or suffering in silence, well almost silence in stage whispers to one another). “Saul, you see them, what are they Golda Meir and Netanyahu getting taken right in and to the reserved tables no less?” “Who did you have to call to reserve the table with that blue cloth Morty? You should have found out. Doris’ second cousin’s son is a slot attendant here, he could have gotten us one of those reserved tables I’ll bet but who knew it was going to be such a scene? Shouldn’t they all still be in synagogue?”

After my parents finally got in the buffet, it was apparently really good and while I’m so glad that I wasn’t there (as I could hear my father who has about three minutes of patience on a good day saying, “Come on, we’re coming the hell out of here!”) He apparently remained calm while in the line and even kibitzed with some of the other line Jews. Something I find very hard to believe but I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt on this one. Oh, there’s a part of me that wishes I was there so I could write from first hand experience what the Jews were like as they waited for an hour to get into that buffet but thank God for my parents and their sense of humor who almost made it better by filling us in after the fact. Still, next year, I just may have to go to this event because like a car accident that you can’t look away from or that famous quote from when the Hindenburg went down, “Oh the humanity!” it sounds as if it was quite the show. When are too many Jews not a good thing? When they’re waiting to get into a buffet to break their Yom Kippur fast! – Don’t Get Me Started!

Comment on this blog at...
http://hubpages.com/hub/When-Are-Too-Many-Jews-Not-A-Good-Thing-When-Theyre-Waiting-To-Get-Into-A-Buffet-To-Break-The-Yom-Kippur-Fast 

In Your Own Words Tim Gunn, “Oh Dear” – Don’t Get Me Started!

Have you tuned into Tim Gunn’s Guide To Style show on Bravo yet? Well, I gave it two weeks and let me just say that I was really thinking this was going to be a great show. After all, I love Mr. Gunn on Project Runway and as we speak I’m looking at the personally autographed (to me) Tim Gunn bobble head they sent me as one of my prizes when I became the Ultimate Fan Blogger for Project Runway Season 3. And so after week one I decided that I would give it another week but now after two weeks of watching I’m sorry Tim but those are two very long hours of my life I’ll never get back. In your own words Tim Gunn, “Oh dear.” – Don’t Get Me Started!

I sat on the edge of my seat along with everyone else when there were rumors circulating that Tim Gunn might possibly not come back to Runway for season four. “Say it isn’t so” was all I could muster until I finally read that there were some contract issues but they had been resolved and he would indeed be back for the new season. Now I think I know what the problem was with the contract negotiations. I have a feeling that Tim wanted Bravo to develop his own show too and perhaps for once the Bravo execs were showing some sense (unlike when they wear dress pants without socks). At any rate I was excited about the show. However I became a bit suspicious from the get go when I saw that his cohort in crime would be fashion model Veronica Webb. Oh she’s pretty enough but does wearing clothes make you an expert or even give you what it takes to help others when your barometer has to be way off with the haute couture fashions that she no doubt sported from runway to runway? Okay, open mind here, it’s still Tim Gunn and she is pretty and gay thin.

I don’t know how you take a makeover show and make it this dull but voila they’ve managed to do the impossible. By about ten minutes in, Tim has made the makee cry just by wanting her to commit to the difficult times ahead in facing her fashion faux pas past and learning how to correct them. (Now I cry at coffee commercials and can no longer watch any of the Extreme Makeover shows for fear of becoming dehydrated from all the sobbing I do but let me say, no chance of me shedding the slightest tear over this show) The show goes on from there as Tim and Veronica look at each piece of clothing the woman has and then as we start to try and look around hoping there’s an animal or something moving in the apartment or home where the makee lives to try and give the show some life, Tim looks over his glasses and gives a trademark, “Dreadful” while Veronica is usually looking off into space perhaps thinking about her runway days or something equally fascinating like whether or not she picked up her dry cleaning today.

The show is like that girls’ book, Sarah Plain and Tall except it’s Tim Plain and Tall (with a black model). Unfortunately for Mr. Gunn, without the designers’ energy to feed off like on Project Runway, the whole thing comes off like two smug fashionistas who are so bored that they make you bored watching it until there’s no longer a need for Ambien or Tylenol PM in your life. This show will put you to sleep as sure as you’re bored.

My suggestion to help this show out (not sure it can be saved) would first to be to get rid of Veronica Webb. Let’s face it no woman really wants some glamorous, size negative four fashion model telling her she looks like crap and giving her advice. To give the show some much needed life I propose that each week Tim have a different co-host. The co-host would be a notable (and energetic) fashion designer. Week one could be Betsey Johnson, I mean come on having her around makes anyone smile. Her energy would be the much needed caffeine enema Tim seems to need. Week two they could bring in Isaac Mizrahi. He’d be singing show tunes and dressing that woman like she’d never been dressed before. If there was someone with a bigger personality it would help Tim enormously. Sorry Tim, you’re good as a secondary lead not leading man material. You’re the (pardon the expression) straight man but as it stands right now you have no comic to add energy and excitement so you’re doomed, I’m afraid. It’s not effective when you look over your glasses for every statement you make and then Veronica Webb moves one of the muscles she can still move on her botoxed face in agreement with you. 

Tim Gunn, I like you and I want to like your show but dear God man you make everything that Kathy Griffin says about fashion people true. In one of her stand up routines she says, “Oh yeah, those people over at Vogue are a real riot.” Same goes for you and Veronica Webb. Good luck Mr. Gunn and I’ll tough it out and watch a few more episodes to see if you can “Make it work” but right now, in your own words Tim Gunn, “Oh dear.” – Don’t Get Me Started!

Comment on this blog at...
http://hubpages.com/hub/Tim-Gunns-Guide-To-Style-and-boredom- 

You Scream, I Scream We All Scream For Chris Crocker To Stop It – Don’t Get Me Started!

Well, to no one’s surprise apparently the nineteen year old Tennessee kid who posted the now famous screaming and crying YouTube video in defense of Britney Spears VMA performance has supposedly inked a deal to get his own reality show. You scream, I scream, we all scream for Chris Crocker to stop it – Don’t Get Me Started!

Also no surprise is that rumor has it that Bravo (the network that recently put William Sledd, the twenty-something Gap manager who broadcasts episodes of his “Ask A Gay Man” from his home in Kentucky on YouTube on their sister site outzonetv.com) is interested in Chris’ show, whatever it may be, whenever it gets developed and if by the time all that happens anyone will care about the bleached blonde teen who once held a sheet up while screaming and crying in defense of Britney Spears from his room at his grandparent’s house where he lives.

Now let me say that I get why the initial video has had something like 8 million hits. I watched it myself and I laughed. But some things (like this video) are meant to be passed via email between work pals and friends, everyone watches it, laughs and then moves on to the next one of these types of videos. I just don’t get what he’s going to do that will make a fascinating television show (when I could barely get through the whole six minutes of his famous video) but maybe it’s just me and the fact that I can’t help but feel that once again, an effeminate teen becomes the face of gays, Tennesseans and bleached blondes at the hands of gay executives.

You can stop yawning now, I know that I go on about this a lot but I think (and I have no degree from Harvard or a grant to do the research) but the more of these overly stereotypical gay images they put in front of the public the harder it will become for us to get marriage rights or just equal rights in general. The more we look like a group of people that revel in being seen and heard only when lisping, the less serious we get taken. It kind of reminds me of the start of the women’s movement but I don’t think that there’s anyone out there who is going to do say what Gloria Steinem did in the seventies, going undercover as a Playboy bunny and writing a complete expose about it. In Steinem you had an intelligent woman who was very clear about what she was doing and the message she was sending out to wake us up about the very unequal rights of women but who can we look to to do this for us gays? The Gap manager who talks about the skinny jean, the teen who screams and cries over Britney Spears? Lance Bass? I don’t think any of them are smart enough or really care about the overarching damage that’s being done as this stereotype is not only applauded but goaded to make their “performances” bigger and more over the top with each webcast. Of course as a forty-something gay I could do it but let’s face it and be really honest, no one’s asking me (yet).

But suddenly I find myself reflecting on my posts and position on all of this and can’t help wondering if perhaps I’m not gay…enough. To use Shakespeare’s words from Macbeth, “I am a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more: it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.” After all, I haven’t received 8 million hits in a year of creating and daily updating my website and this kid hits that mark in three days. Should I don we now our gay apparel? Wigs, pumps a little rouge or at the least mascara and lip gloss? Or do I stay true to myself and the reasons I started all of this blogging in the first place?

• The “Don’t Get Me Started” blog was motivated by all the silly things that have happened to me (Like the DMV making me a woman on my driver’s license and then balking at changing it back http://www.somelikeitscott.com/id2.html )
• The Gay, Gay, Gayer Than Gay page on my site was inspired by things that make me laugh about gay culture and recognizing that sometimes things are too gay even for me (http://www.somelikeitscott.com/somelikegay.html )
• My BroadwaYouTube page obviously inspired by Broadway and the love of the fact that we can watch these performances thanks to YouTube (http://www.somelikeitscott.com/somelikebroadwayoutube.html )
• The Project Runway blogs came when I won the contest to be the Ultimate Fan Blogger for season 3 of the show on bravotv.com (http://www.somelikeitscott.com/somelikerunway.html)
• My favorite things page was to share things that I found that I thought were fun and interesting (http://www.somelikeitscott.com/somelikefaves.html )
• Finally my latest page featuring the VBlogs that everyone told me I needed to “push my site over the edge” (http://www.somelikeitscott.com/40sogay.html )

I guess at the end of the day we bloggers are basically like the people Che and Eva sing about from Evita “hoping our lover (in this case the Internet reading and watching public and television executives) will help them or keep them, support them, promote them don’t blame them, you’re the same.” So I guess good for you Chris Crocker and good luck with your reality show. While the rest of us are waiting for our fifteen minutes, we’ll be watching yours and wondering if when Andy Warhol first told us that everyone would get fifteen minutes of fame he was thinking about the Internet, reality television and just how painful those fifteen minutes would be for the rest of us to watch? You scream, I scream, we all scream for Chris Crocker to stop it – Don’t Get Me Started!

Watch the Chris Crocker video - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZAr9E8i3ng

Comment on this blog at...
http://hubpages.com/hub/Chris-Crocker-Screams-For-Britney-And-Gets-Development-Deal

Mitt Romney Using Gays To Get People To Pull His Lever – Don’t Get Me Started!

It was bound to happen, any of us who have lived long enough to see even one election (and its campaigning) knows that when candidates get desperate they parade us gays out in front of the “Christian” majority as a way to get votes. And so when I read online today that Mitt Romney is producing radio spots asking for a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage it came as no surprise. According to an article in the Associated Press (by Mike Glover) in the radio ad Romney says, “As Republicans we must oppose discrimination and defend traditional marriage: one man, one woman…” I don’t know about you but that statement seems to be discriminating to me and not in a “wow, this guy has really discriminating taste” kind of way. Mitt Romney using gays to get people to pull his lever – Don’t Get Me Started!

These tactics aren’t anything new and believe me when I say that at this point it’s getting to the point of being cliché. True, the Democrats are doing nothing but spending most of their time on the fence (sitting side saddle) about such issues so of course, a Republican who wants to be noticed is going to come out in a big way against us gays getting hitched. What is it they say about even bad publicity being good publicity because after all, it’s publicity? That’s exactly what this stunt is, a way to get people to notice him for something other than being the living and breathing version of Guy Smiley from The Muppets! (Look at the picture and tell me that I’m not right about that one!) And he’s not only trying to show us Democrats a thing or too but he’s using it as a way to chastise his fellow Republicans with comments in the ad like, “Not all Republican candidates agree but defending marriage is the right thing to do…” Says you, Mr. Smiley and just whom are you defending marriage for and from?

Now as I’ve said before, I don’t really know if I want to be married but as time passes I think that’s mostly because I grew up during a period of time where it wasn’t ever considered an option so I never had to really think about it. I don’t want to go register for a gravy boat by Noritake and I don’t want to wear matching tuxedos as a lispy tenor sings, “Perhaps Love.” But what I want and resent not having are the rights of married people after being with the same man for nineteen years in a monogamous committed relationship. We should “oppose discrimination” Guy Smiley, well what the hell do you think you’re doing?

Let’s face it I don’t think the good old supposed Christian white boys who run Washington are going to let a Mormon in so there’s really little to worry about. It’s just I’m really bored with candidates pulling this out of their closets every election like a pair of bad tasseled loafers. Will you think that I am trying to deflect the gay hate arrows when I say I think the fact that we have a war going on that no one can tell us why we’re fighting, no real health care for our citizens and more foreclosures on houses than ever before as bigger problems than whether or not I can get married?

I just can’t wait for this field to be narrowed down because at this point there are just way too many people “running” and not enough people standing still long enough for us to get an idea of what the hell they stand for or what they’ll be doing if they get to sit in the big white house for reals.

So go ahead Guy Smiley, I mean Mitt Romney (and what the hell kind of name is Mitt anyway? Sounds like one of the few things I know of that are used for sports besides a jock strap!). Go ahead and not discriminate against us gays but give us no rights whatsoever I’m sure we can all be fine with that while you stand around feeling superior to us. But just who is going to dye that hair of yours for you and keep your wife Ann in highlights if not us gays? And believe me when I say that you won’t need us in just this stereotypical way. For as my grandmother used to say, “The gays, you know they’re everywhere.” She was right and you’re wrong but don’t let that stop you from spewing your socially acceptable brand of hate and prejudice Mr. Romney in your attempt to get elected. Mitt Romney using gays to get people to pull his lever – Don’t Get Me Started!

Comment on this blog at...
http://hubpages.com/hub/Mitt_Romney_Using_Gays_To_Get_People_To_Pull_His_Lever 

Does Britney Need To Apologize? I Don’t Think So – Don’t Get Me Started!

Okay, so much talk of Britney that I’m way over it but here are some final thoughts on the gal, the VMAs and the news that Us magazine reported to tmz.com that Britney has been offered the opportunity to go on the Emmy award show, not to perform but apparently to apologize for her VMA performance. Does Britney need to apologize? I don’t think so – Don’t Get Me Started!

Haven’t we all had enough on this topic all ready? So if we have, you may be wondering why I’m writing about it? Because I can’t get over how long everyone has managed to keep this at the top of the gossip news, truly a dull week in celebrity news caused this phenomenon. I was shocked when there was a huge thing on the news even yesterday about the fact that Britney had airbrushed on a tan to give her abs the appearance of having their once legendary definition still in tact. First of all, a lot of celebrities employ make up (whether just on their face or on their body) to make themselves look, shall we say different from how they really do? So who is surprised by the fact that Britney had abs painted on? Unlike trying to shade in your cheekbones, the problem is that when you turn sideways in the choreography, there’s no getting around the jutting out of the stomach so any sort of camouflage makeup techniques you may have been employing lose their magical powers. Let’s face it, Britney wasn’t fat as much as it was that she wasn’t in the shape that we’ve seen her in during past appearances and that being the case, she should not have insisted on wearing the bikini. (She obviously has a lack of full length mirrors or people around her who will tell her the truth) But what really got me is that the news report stated that they had an “expert” review the tape of the performance and that they were able to confirm the ab shading. Okay, who the hell is this expert, how much were they paid and what type of CSI forensics testing did they do to come up with this conclusion? My bet would be “the expert” just re-wound his Tivo like the rest of us but the difference is he was paid to do it.

Next up are all the fervent Britney fans who are writing to comment on web pages as fast as their Cheeto stained fingers will type to defend “Brit” – everything from blaming the paparazzi to people claiming she’s a working mother of two who no doubt is exhausted from her motherly duties. I don’t know about either but I do know that while every performer has at least one, Britney’s bad performance looked as if the real reason was the lack of rehearsal time she put into the number. If we are to believe the dancers who claim that Britney showed up late for rehearsal and wouldn’t put down her frozen margarita for the entire rehearsal then I would have to say the paparazzi and motherhood defenses need to be thrown out at this point. But once again, do we really need all of this investigation regarding Britney’s performance?  

Britney’s performance was bad, plain and simple but not so newsworthy that we should all should still be talking about it. As I said before, she just needs to go away for a while and come back once she’s had some of the crazy medicated out of her. I know I may be the only gay man in the world to be able to say this but I don’t own one of her CDs so it’s really working no major hardship on me whether or not she ever comes back. I don’t feel sorry for Britney (or any other celebrity for that matter) and perhaps as Simon Cowell offered, Britney was the big winner of the night. Cowell suggests that good or bad, Britney was THE performance of the night because of the fact that people were still pretty much only talking about that performance from the VMAs 48 hours later. (No matter how much Kanye West whined) So as this week comes to a close, I hope that we can all put this devastating performance behind us and move on with our own lives. And just in case anyone is asking… Does Britney need to apologize? I don’t think so – Don’t Get Me Started!

Comment on this blog at...
http://hubpages.com/hub/Britney_Spears_Doesnt_Need_To_Apologize_To_Me_For_Her_VMA_Performance

Celebrities: Do We Really Build Them Up Just To Knock Them Down? – Don’t Get Me Started!

With the recent debauchery of Britney Spears performance at the MTV VMA award show and all of the front page news celebrities and their troubles are making on a daily basis, I’ve begun to wonder if we as the public (aided by the media) are really playing some strange sort of karmic game of dominoes with celebrities. We love to set them all up, look at them and then with a flick of our finger we love to listen to the clacking of the tumbling dominoes until ashes, ashes, they all fall down. Do we end up hurting ourselves by taking such fun and pride in the downfall of celebrities? Is there some sort of human kindness we should be showing instead? And are we inviting similar or worse tragedies into our own lives by being a bunch of “stupid gay bitchy” queens? (See comments from previous blog below) What is it about us that loves to see celebrities rise and then relish in their fall? Celebrities: Do we really build them up just to knock them down? – Don’t Get Me Started!

My recent post about Britney’s performance at the VMAs received the following comment…

http://hubpages.com/hub/Britneys_VMA_Performance_DOA

From a reader known only to me (and the world probably) as “Dancing Queen”

way too harsh,give the girl a fuckin break,like,im no major britney fan myself,but the girl is in complete dire straits at the moment.she married some scumbag bastard an had 2 kids that are now gonna b probably taken away from her.like who the fuck are you to make any type of judgement on her,u have absolutely no idea wat that girl is going through an wat she has to face everyday,with all that tabloid bullshit an people just assuming they kno wat kind of person she is.do me a favour an try get over your stupid gay bitchy bullshit an actually get a clue

Here was my response…

dancing queen, a quick prescription - 2 weeks in anger management classes and an entire semester of beginners English - to include spelling and grammar usage. Britney has all the advantages in the world and unfortunately for her she appears to have eaten most of them. Obviously during birth she lost a lot of fluids and her talent. And by the way, I elevated "stupid gay bitchy bullshit" into an art form! 

Having grown up doing theatre, I learned early on that it’s best to feel good about positive feedback but really investigate when you get some sort of negative criticism. Step back and take another look at yourself and determine if the comment that was made was valid and how you should possibly change what you’re doing. As far as “Dancing Queen’s” comments, I think he (and yes, I have a feeling he is a “he” and a “queen”) has a little too much concern for Britney. Even at the most generous that you could possibly be, we all need to recognize that the performance given by Spears was way below the standards of someone who has all of those resources and is a so-called professional performer. It was like watching someone who has only performed in their bedroom singing into their hairbrush and then they suddenly go to American Idol auditions to find backup singers and dancers with a music track. That performance would not have garnered her a “golden ticket” to Hollywood nor would it even make her as popular as William Hung who is now a millionaire based on his delusional feeling that he was a singer and American Idol exploiting him. (Although let me just say, if the outcome was the same, they could exploit me tomorrow. What time is good for you?)

But dare I get serious for a moment? The thing is that it seems to be more about the fact that we expect our celebrities now to drive drunk, punch photographers and have a porn tape on the Internet somewhere as some sort of mark that they have “arrived” in the industry. Similar to rappers who need to be shot to seem as if they are the real deal, what are we really creating here and why do we crave it so much? I read somewhere that someone did a survey and 70% of tweens, teens and twenty-somethings believe they will be famous in their lifetime. Now I don’t know if they asked them what they thought they would be famous for but it would seem to me that no one really needs to have a goal of say being an actor and then receiving recognition for it when all you have to do is be on one reality TV show and bang, you’re famous. Just ask the Flavor of Love girls who are now doing red carpets and mall openings.

It just really seems to me that the world is starting to break down into two categories you’re either one of the “famous people” or you’re one of the “sycophants” – you know, the celebrity hanger oners (this includes the ones who visit tmz.com every hour to see the latest celebrity news and read the Enquirer at the checkout at the market). And the sycophants are a volatile group because while they love them the celebrities, there’s also an underlying craving for fame themselves and like a good night club, they figure there’s not room for everyone to be famous so no one is getting into the fame circle until we take one out of the golden circle. So whether it be a drunken escapade or a banged up Escalade, we’ll take ‘em down any way we can. For fame is becoming the “ring” from Lord of the Rings, “my pretty, my precious” when you have it you seem to only be worried about losing it, yet you seem to feel unworthy having it so you end up fucking it up on your own and then it passes to one of the sycophants and then they become the same twisted creature trying to hold onto this fake brass ring. When you look at it in this light; who came blame Owen Wilson for being suicidal? (Owen, roll over and make room for me)

But the point I’m trying to make is that I have to wonder if when we build up and/or tear down a celebrity if we aren’t on some level tearing ourselves down. Are we telling ourselves that we’re innocent bystanders as we watch the rape happen and don’t call the police or are we the person that gets involved and ends up getting hit by a stray bullet for even getting involved? Or is there a higher plan and purpose for us, do we help one another and instead of having tragedy befall us become a hero to ourselves for not just sitting at our computers being “bitchy queens” (Are you listening Perez Hilton) but start sending out some positive messages instead? It’s easy to say that the public is only interested in “dirt” but could it be because we never give them another option besides “dirt” and Oprah? I know I’m still going to be critical because I know how critical I am of myself but maybe, just maybe, I’ll try to send some positive waves out there, similar to a celebrity who was asked to dish about Britney’s performance at the VMAs on a late night talk show, “I think her perfume smells really good.” Celebrities: Do we really build them up just to knock them down? – Don’t Get Me Started!

Comment on this blog at...
http://hubpages.com/hub/Celebrities_Do_We_Build_Them_Up_Just_To_Knock_Them_Down 

Don’t Worry Miss South Carolina, I Never Got The Blue Piece Of Pie In Trivial Pursuit For Geography Either! – Don’t Get Me Started!

Yes, I waited until most of the hoopla regarding Miss Teen South Carolina’s answer about why Americans can’t find America on a map had died down a bit before I admitted my own shame. I’ll admit it, when it comes to geography or directions; I’m strictly a left and right kind o