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Wednesday, June 27, 2007
CNN Poll Says Gays Are GaysCNN Poll
Says Gays Can’t Change Orientation. Whew, I Feel Better – Don’t Get Me Started! In a CNN poll that was released yesterday,
for the first time in CNN poll world the majority polled believe that gays can’t change their fuchsia stripes. That’s
right, people are finally catching on that we gays are…um, I don’t know…well…GAY! (Shhh, don’t
tell Anne Heche – they can have her, we don’t want her anyway) I have to say that most of us should be delighted
to find out that people (straight ones) are finally coming around to what those of us who are gay have known all along. However,
if you look at the poll a little closer you’ll discover that it’s not time to break out the Cristal just yet.
CNN poll says gays can’t change orientation. Whew, I feel better – Don’t Get Me Started! I get it, we’re supposed to be
all fired up and excited any time that a poll or study comes out that says that there are more people out in the world who
are accepting of us and I’m not negating the fact that it is nice to know that people’s tolerance (and I mean
their ability to “put up with”) us gays is getting better. But it’s still a little like cancer, have pity
for anyone else’s family who has it but hope you don’t get it in yours. (Which at this point is nearly impossible
on both fronts – gays and cancer) The thing is that the poll was taken on a Friday through Sunday by telephone. Now we know that most of the people
they interviewed had to be straight because the boys are out on Friday and Saturday night and on Sunday all the old queens
go antiquing. (Stop cringing, they’re only stereotypes, kids) Let’s go to the tote board (without Ed McMahon or a “timpani”)
56% said they do not feel that gays can change their orientation (up from 45% in 2001 and 36% in 1998). 79% said we should
be allowed to go into the military and the marriage battle wages on with 43% not supporting gay’s
rights to marriage, 24% support the gays getting married (as long as they plan it, of course) and 27% support civil unions.
Yes, we have a lot to be thankful for and we are definitely making strides. I think all of this is encouraging and
something to take great Pride in. I also think that some of it is just really funny. While it’s great that the public
is getting educated that you can’t be gay, go into rehab and come out free of the gay, meth, massage therapist/hooker
and go back to the pulpit…well, not immediately anyway (Read that blog here…Gays Can Be Happy Again Now That Haggard Is Not! ) they still really aren’t all that excited about having us
at their country clubs or swimming in their pools (social or public). Frankly, I think that we’ve benefited because
some have just thrown their hands up in exasperation going, “What are you going to do with these gays? Ach, let them
be gay all ready, I’m too tired to fight it any more and they do my hair so nice.” We’ve
either worn them down or they became hooked on Will and Grace now that it’s on Lifetime (television for women and gays)
and have decided we’re fun to laugh with as well as at. As my grandmother used to say in the 70’s, “You
know those gays, they’re everywhere.” And we are. Let’s face it, not too many people are all that excited or supportive
about the war so I think it’s a little hard to determine if people don’t care about gays in the military or just
feel as though whoever signs up at this point as long as it’s not them, God bless. I think the marriage question is going
to be a deal breaker for a long time to come but mostly because of the word, “marriage” as traditionalists cling
to tradition better than a…a…Fiddler On The Roof (“sounds crazy, no?”). I hate the whole “civil
unions” title as it sounds like a business partnership that while very civil doesn’t have a lot of sex involved
in it (ooh, sounds like a lot of my straight married friends). The point is that most people are finding out that the gays aren’t
quite as scary as they originally thought and that’s a really good thing. It’s good that they’re doing these
polls, it’s good that we’re coming out on top for a change and it will be interesting to see where things go from
here. CNN poll says gays can’t change orientation. Whew, I feel better – Don’t Get Me Started!
Comment on this blog at... http://hubpages.com/hub/CNN_Poll_Shows_Gays_Cant_Change_Their_Orientation
8:33 pm pdt
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
"My husband...some hotshot...ancient Chinese secret" I believe my fortune cookie!I Believe
My Fortune Cookie, Dammit! – Don’t Get Me Started! Here I am in LA, the land of dreams and sometimes you have to allow yourself
to be open to divine intervention. True, for some this happens by humming with a bunch of people they don’t know in
Sedona, Arizona but for me it happened in a much simpler, humbler way in a Chinese restaurant in Burbank. I was out at dinner
with a pal and at the end of the meal the waiter brought the clarity I’d been looking for over the years but had always
proved elusive to me. Yes, in that oddly folded cookie was the fortune I’ve waited for all my life and although some
would say that it is just superstitious to believe in the power of a fortune cookie, I say, “Oh ye, of little faith!”
I believe my fortune cookie, dammit! - Don’t Get Me Started! Sure, I could find inspiration on a bumper
sticker (“Hate Is NOT A Family Value”) or the mini van I saw recently that had so many “fish” symbols
on the back of it that I think even Jesus would be impressed. But no, those are inspiration for the uneducated, the uninformed
the pedestrian dreamers, if you will. If you’ve read any of my blogs you know I’m a dreamer, a lover of life (stop
rolling your eyes) and this fortune just confirmed everything I always knew about myself but was afraid to say out loud. As I opened the fortune
cookie, I admit that I almost choked on the less than flavorful orangey colored crunchy dough and I think I inhaled some of
the cookie dust like some cheap and less than exotic cocaine – there was no rush just a sneeze and a lump in my throat
(brought on by the cookie, not emotion). And does anyone really LIKE these cookies or is it all about the fortune? But enough
of this, back to what you’ve been waiting for…in between two smiley faces was the truth that few have seen or
understood about me that somehow someone in a fortune cookie factory saw and understood. The phrase on that tiny slip of paper
you ask? It was, “You are never bitter, deceptive or petty.” Do you need a minute? I know…I needed one too. Yes, though some have
accused me of being “bitchy” or a “queen” from reading my blogs they don’t get me at all. Not
like the fortune cookie people. Immediately I was thinking, this is my next t-shirt and then I thought of a person that was
somewhat in my life who had made negative remarks about me. She had talked to someone about being afraid of me because of
things that I had said. Things that I don’t even remember saying and so I said to my dinner companion, “I’m
getting this blown up and framed for Marie.” After all, the fortune knew what I never did, that I wasn’t bitter,
deceptive or petty…to me that was a “get out of jail free” card. I could pretty much do anything and yet
never be considered being any of those nasty things above. If anyone said anything different I could always just pull out
my fortune and go, “Ah…excuse me, did you say I was being petty??? I think not and I have it in writing. See?” So here’s what
I suggest. I suggest you all go out for Chinese food immediately and whatever you do (you’re going to be hungry all
over again a few hours later so make sure that you take some home with you) but eat that meal and get to the cookie and whatever
the fortune is that you get, have it blown up and live by it. True, my pal’s fortune was something about being a nice
and sunny person (which he is and who cares?) but mine was the real gem and all I hope is that there is one out there for
you too. I believe my fortune cookie, dammit! - Don’t Get Me Started! Comment on this blog at... http://hubpages.com/hub/Fortune_Cookie_Speak_Truth
10:03 pm pdt
Monday, June 25, 2007
Over Forty And Sleeveless - Not So Much... Just Say, “No” To Sleeveless! – Don’t Get Me Started! In
talking with a friend recently who is about my age, she was telling me about this dinner party she went to and how everyone
there was telling her how pretty she looked. She was thrilled as she knew she was carrying extra weight but alas, she thought
that the camouflage she had draped herself in had managed to fool the public. When she excused herself and went into the bathroom,
there was the dreaded full length mirror. Taking a glance and then a real look, she saw what they saw and it wasn’t
pretty at all. In fact, she thinks that they were giving her the “you look so pretty” pity party instead of honest
comments. When I asked her what she was wearing, she began with, “Well it is sleeveless.” I stopped her right
there. Just say, “NO” to sleeveless! – Don’t Get Me Started! No
one over forty (male or female) should wear sleeveless and let me tell you why. Even if you have the most buff arms in the
world, a sleeveless shirt on a forty or older just translates as a desperate cry to the world that you think you’re
still in your twenties. I’m here to tell you that you aren’t and you need to stop it. The worst part is that often
these shirts (in the case of women but yes, I’ve seen men do it too) are often partnered up with a pair of Capri pants.
Now unless you’re going to be digging for clams you need not wear these either...ever. I get that your whole life you’ve
lived to look like Mary Tyler Moore on the Dick Van Dyke show but come on people, look at yourself in these outfits in a full
length mirror and I defy you to not see yourself for the dumpy creature you’ve made yourself by dressing this way. I
get it that some of you are going to say, “You’re only as old as you feel.” But sometimes you have to act
(or in this case) dress your age. I’m not saying you have to wear something that is completely polyester or without
style at all but I am saying that it’s about time to retire the overall shorts, kids. You also need to realize that
just because the “kids” are all wearing something doesn’t mean that you should wear it too. Yes, to some
of us, all of this seems so obvious and has no need to be repeated but look around the next time you’re in a grocery
store or at a mall and I’m telling you right now these words will come back to you and you’ll see that I was right,
that it needed to be said. Here’s
a little help for you to figure out if what you’re about to wear out should be seen worn by you or not. Put the whole
thing together, pants, socks, underwear (for those that wear it), shirt and whatever accessories you’re going to put
on and stand in front of the mirror. Do you have a knit cap on with a skull and cross bones? Remove it immediately. Do you
have a shirt on with some “cool” phrase like, “Jimmy’s lube shop?” Take it off. Are your pants
Capri length or so baggy that they look as if they were featured in a rap video? Get those off too. Now take a good long,
scary look at yourself. Unless you are Jack LaLanne or Jackie Warner from Bravo’s show, Work Out, most likely you’re
going to want to cover up but what to put on? Go back in the closet (albeit briefly) and pull out something that fits and
looks good on you – no, not the shirt you let the twenty year old at Hollister talk you into (you thought you were doing
great with him while he was thinking about his commission on an $80 t-shirt) or the pants with the “whiskering”
you think makes your crotch look bigger. Somewhere in there are clothes that make you look good and are appropriate for your
age, find them. I’m thrilled that 40 is
the new 60 or that 50 is the new 30 or whatever the crap they tell us to buy more supplements and work out. I’m glad
that we can all look so young and healthy but let’s also be realistic. Sometimes you just have to spend some real quality
time with yourself and determine if you want to be someone that people look at for the right reasons or because they can’t
believe someone your age still thinks they can pull off a tank top. Just say, “NO” to sleeveless! – Don’t
Get Me Started! Comment on this blog at... http://hubpages.com/hub/Do_Not_Go_Sleeveless_After_Forty_Just_Trust_Me_On_This_One
9:10 pm pdt
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Ask A Gay On Outzonetv.com Needs To Go AwayAsk A Gay
(Stereotype that is) Needs To Go Away! – Don’t Get Me Started! For those of you who don’t know, William Sled
is a twenty-three year old manager of The Gap in Kentucky who with his best friend Stephanie, have created videos on YouTube,
called “Ask A Gay.” Well, recently outzonetv.com has “picked them up” to do videos for their website.
Outzonetv is owned by Bravo so I’m traipsing on dangerous ground considering Bravo gave me the opportunity to be the
Ultimate Fan Blogger for season 3 of Project Runway (and would like to be for season 4) and they have listed my site on the
outzonetv.com blogroll. But I’m sorry; this recent move has just made me crazy. Ask A Gay (Stereotype that is) needs
to go away! – Don’t Get Me Started! You see, as with most of these video blogs out now, the people look into their Apple iBook and let the camera roll.
Most of these people (Yes, I’m talking to Rosie now too) seem to spend most of their time looking at themselves talking
into the camera. I don’t have an iBook so I wouldn’t know but from looking at some video blogs, it appears as
if they can see themselves. It’s a little like watching a five year old on Leno who is more enamored by the monitor
that they can see themselves in on the stage than in the show that is happening, that they are supposed to be a part of at
the same moment. Tell me again about the guy who drowned looking at his own reflection? The reason this latest move by outzonetv.com
makes me crazy is that the whole idea of “Ask A Gay” needs to be handled by someone who actually knows something.
The videos should really be named, “Ask a Gay Stereotype” as in the video I watched William goes on and on about
his devotion for the color pink (okay, didn’t get past the first minute) and he and Stephanie were going to bake wedding
cakes. There they sat in their veils while William continually played with his hair and looked at his image sucking in his
cheeks and pouting doing bad Zoolander looks, while asking if anyone would really want a pink wedding cake. Thank you outzonetv.com
for once again confirming to the world that gays only come in one variety – pink loving, wedding cake making, veiled,
primping, prisses who have about as much depth as the shallow end of a kid’s blow up pool. As I told my twenty-something cousin
when he was telling me about how he was helping another cousin of ours come out (Read the blog here…Relatively Speaking My Family Is Full Up With The
Gays) “I’m the Gaytriarch in this family and all gayness must
go through me!” The point is that I hate to say it but if you’re going to be a gay the first thing you should
learn is to be yourself, not a stereotype that will garner you attention but in most cases, the wrong kind of attention. No
one can make me believe that the image that this kid William is putting out there is his real self and not some made up persona
that he thinks is what being gay is all about. He’s wrong, dead wrong. So who is at fault here? While I would love to blame the religious right
or the government, I’m afraid that the real enemy is us gays. “The fault, Dear Bravo, is not in our stars, but
in ourselves that we are underlings.” (From Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar, kind of) Bravo and its sister site are
full up with the gay executives so you would think that they would have the common decency to want to portray the gays with
some sense in their head. Such is not the case. Kudos Bravo for Queer Eye – the show that showed us gays know how to
cook, do hair, throw throw pillows and dress people (we’re still not sure what Jai did – other than bring in an
ethnic into the mix). Or the one to three gays they put on each of their competition shows. (Notice that most are like the
twitching and clutching pearls Dave from Top Chef.) Wow, there’s something to feel Prideful about, isn’t it? Sure
there are the Tim Gunn’s of Bravo but they are too few and far between. To those who would label me a “Bitchy Queen” and reserve me
a table under the name, “Bitter” table for one, let me say that you are wrong. I’m glad the kid is getting
his fifteen minutes, honestly I am but at what cost to the rest of us? Lighthearted entertainment is great (have you read
most of my blog entries) but at some point, can’t there be some substance represented amongst the fluff? And in some
part, if all that is seen is the stereotypical image of gays doesn’t it keep us relegated as the court jester of straight
society? I don’t know about the rest of you but I’m tired of being the monkey with the tin cup dancing every time
the straight organ grinder turns on “I Will Survive” – perhaps at some point soon we need to make it our
“Last Dance” and I say, let’s start with “Ask A Gay.” Ask A Gay (Stereotype that is) needs to
go away! – Don’t Get Me Started! Comment on this blog at... http://hubpages.com/hub/Ask_A_Gay_Needs_To_Go_Away
9:35 pm pdt
Friday, June 22, 2007
Why am I always in the minority group that's involved in a scandal?Why Is
It Always A Minority Group That I’m In That Is In Trouble?! – Don’t Get Me Started! So I’m sure by
now you’ve all heard about the Jew that tried to bomb the gay Pride parade in Jerusalem. I can’t help it, every
time I see a headline that has “Gay” or “Jew” or “Teacher Has Affair With Student” I start
to cringe. (And no, I’ve never been a teacher who had an affair with a student) Why is it always a minority group that
I’m in that is in trouble?! – Don’t Get Me Started! So apparently the story goes that a 32-year old Orthodox Jew was caught
with a bomb that he had made to throw at the marching gays. God love Israel’s police (cause you know that they don’t
fuck around). They apprehended him and no one missed a step of the march. The Orthodox Jews are mighty upset about the gays
marching on what they consider a holy place, Jerusalem. I get it and understand they’re all fired up but come on people,
stop with the holy ground and start living holy lives before you get all holier than thou. The point is that if you’re like
me, the minute you read the headline, you’re sick to your stomach. “Jewish bomber seized before Jerusalem gay
parade” – it just kills me. I know that it’s accurate but I start to cringe and I can’t help myself
because I’m like, “Oh here we go, another thing for the religious right to go off on us Jews and gays about.”
This is the story they’ll jump on. First we’re going to hell because we’re Jews and rounding second we’re
making bombs, coming up to third base it’s in Jerusalem and sliding home for the kill, the gays caused it by marching.
Home Run! And that my friends, is what we call a born again Christian Grand Slam. (And I don’t even like parades, dammit!) It’s like when
you see the headlines about the teachers who have had sex with a student. I can’t help it, I read the headline and then
I say a little prayer. “Oh dear God, please, please, I am begging you. Make it some white blonde chick with a football
player. Don’t make it the boys’ swim coach with the team or the girls’ soccer coach with her goalie. Please,
please, I beg of you.” I know it’s wrong but I can’t help myself. I know for some of you you’re going
to leave my site and go scouting around for porn with the above scenarios immediately (and what you do on your own time is
your business) but when it comes to public scandal, I always hope it’s a male teacher who has had sex with a girl student
instead of with a boy. Why? You know why, because if it’s a male teacher and a male student then we have to listen to
the Rush Limbaughs of the world go off about the gays trying to “recruit” and “bring young boys into the
gay fold” (Let’s face it, when it comes to folds, most young gay boys are more interested in folding jeans at
the Gap than joining Mr. Murphy from Science class in an anatomy lesson over the bunson burner!). No matter what, I can’t seem
to escape being in the minority that has done something so egregious that it makes my Jewish guilt sensors go off the charts.
Suddenly I want to go around saying to complete strangers, “Look at me, I’m Jewish and gay but I’m in a
long term relationship, I rescued two stray cats, I vote and I call my mother at least once a day. I’m a good person.
See??? Pay no attention to the Jew bomber or the PE teacher giving physical exams with her tongue on girl students behind
the curtain. I can give you a list of at least ten other gays who are good people too, honest I can.” Perhaps some would say
that I’m too sensitive and that there’s plenty of scandal to go around. I guess that’s why we cheer when
there’s a straight involved in some sort of scandal. We have to bring them down like they do to us but the thing about
doing that is that no one wins. Not the victims, and certainly not the group of people who are associated with the offender,
whether they be men, women, black, white, Jews, gays or one of the Jackson family. And so I’ll continue to open my Google
news or CNN.com with one eye open, saying my little prayer that today will not be the day I see a headline that involves any
group I’m associated with, all the while knowing my prayers won’t be answered. Why is it always a minority group
that I’m in that is in trouble?! – Don’t Get Me Started!
Comment on this blog at... http://hubpages.com/hub/It_Is_Always_A_Minority_I_Am_In_That_Is_Involved_In_A_Scandal_Geez
9:08 am pdt
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Forty-Something Gay Pride (Part Two)Forty-Something
Gay Pride (Part Two) – Don’t Get Me Started! To say that I was shocked by the number of forty-something gays who wrote
in after yesterday’s blog would be an understatement. As I tell a lot of people, when you’re writing a blog it’s
a pretty solitary thing so you never really know if people are reading or not unless they write in. So to those who wrote
in, thank you for reading and writing to me. The common thread in the emails I received was that everyone seemed to be giving
a collective sigh of relief that someone validated their right to stay home from Pride parades and not feel badly about it.
After doing some more looking around the web to see what other people had to say about Pride week I felt validated about my
feelings on the subject. Forty-something gay Pride (Part Two) – Don’t Get Me Started! I guess one of the bigger surprises
from reading everyone’s thoughts about Pride online are the people who feel as though we need to have a Pride month
similar to Black History Month. Now this is really surprising to me when all over people are talking about how they can’t
get people to a parade for one day. Now you want to be Julie McCoy on the Love Boat and try to find a month full of activities?
Are you crazy? What would those be like? Gay shuffle board (where you push cock rings down the Lido deck)? A Tennessee Williams
play festival (where the entire audience is dressed like Blanche DuBois trying to depend on the kindness of strangers)? Sorry
to say that I just can’t imagine it. From being with a black man for almost nineteen years, I can tell you that Black
History Month is basically an insult to that community. Until we get to the point where we can celebrate diversity 365 days
a year, giving a specific group a month is like creating a Hallmark holiday – you buy the cards but you’re not
really sure why. No, I don’t think a month is the answer and let’s face it, how many times can you cheer, “Two bits,
four bits, suck dicks, a dollar!” at a parade? (Okay, I admit it, I never shouted that in my life nor have I heard anyone
say it, it just came to me and I just thought it was funny) Here’s my new thought, perhaps we need to do something that
will appeal to the gays of a certain age while teaching the gays of tomorrow how “the movement” started? Before
we forget the rest of the chant, “We’re here, we’re queer…um….what was that now….ah…..get
used to it?” I’m suggesting we do historical reenactments, you know like they do of the Civil War battles? We
can all stuff ourselves into 501 jeans (Read that blog here… Bringing 501s Back ), put on big Village People cop mustaches and reenact the Stonewall
riots. Next stop on the hysterical historical tour would be a dinner party in the Hamptons and then board “Spirit”
airlines to fly to Vegas to finish the night at Studio 54, dancing to Donna Summer. Okay, having just read that last paragraph
reminds me of the article I read in The Advocate about a Gay Spring Break that some company had created. It supposedly taught
classes about gay history, financial planning and I guess the proper application of lube. It was supposed to be a chance for
gay youth to not only have fun in the sun but also be accepted and learn. But to do that for your spring break? Come on, think
college kids on mom and dad’s dime…you tell me if gay or straight they’re going to Florida beaches to learn
or get laid? Okay, so perhaps the
Hysterical History tour is out but taking a tip from a Some Like It Scott pal, Grayson, I know what we can do that won’t
depend on getting a city permit, won’t cost us millions of dollars and won’t be in danger of becoming a Hallmark
card…what if we all get off our gay asses and vote for candidates that don’t have to be gay but at least appreciate
our existence? Grayson wrote to me about his frustrations when trying to get some friends to vote recently in Dallas for a
gay mayoral candidate. His pals gave all the clichés, “What will my one vote matter?” or “Rosie was
on that day and my Tivo wasn’t working.” I’m not saying that just because someone is gay they are the perfect
candidate (look at McCreepey, I mean, Mc Greevey from New Jersey – Read that blog here… Jim McGreevey Is A Little McCreepy For This Gay ) but we’ve got to start
getting some representation (and I don’t mean from The William Morris Agency – although if there’s anyone
from that agency reading who’s interested in me, just know, I’m interested in you!). Perhaps the best thing we
can do to show our Pride is to get some people in office who all ready get that we gays contribute a lot to society (all while
being turned down to give blood, being told we can’t be Boy Scout Leaders or serve openly in the military). I hate to
say it, but it seems as if the only way to get some gays to vote is to tell them the polling booths are actually glory holes.
Well whatever it takes but until we get out and vote in leaders who get it, we’re doomed to stay in the shadows of society.
At the end of the day,
I think the real reason that Pride seems to be wavering is that it was turned into a commercial holiday by some enterprising
gays who made a lot of money off their fellow gays (selling rainbow suncatchers and t-shirts with double entendre sayings
like, “Mac’s Lube Shop”). But like Christmas, no one really remembers what it was supposed to be about anymore.
And instead of a Jolly Old Saint Nick character all the Pride parades have are bad drag queens with armpit hair wearing a
badly beaded dress. Let’s face it, Pride has become the Lola character from the Manilow classic, “Copacabana”
– “Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl. But that was thirty years ago, when they used to have a show. Now it’s
a disco, but not for Lola. Still in that dress she used to wear, faded feathers in her hair…” I think it’s
time to put Pride out of its misery or perhaps just create Pride The Next Generation. We’ve had to reinvent ourselves before
and we can do it again. The first thing is to start liking one another again, accepting each other and stop defining ourselves
only by the images the media and advertisers show us. Remember when we took to the streets to educate our community about
HIV before trying to make the ads look “hot” so that us gays would pay attention to them? Let’s show our
Pride by celebrating our history, each other and a direction for our future…of just being the gays next door with our
2.5 kids (or not), white picket fence (or not) and as we’ve always done, being the coolest people on the block to know.
Forty-something gay Pride (Part Two) – Don’t Get Me Started! Comment on this blog at...
http://hubpages.com/hub/Forty_Something_Gay_Pride_Part_Two
9:41 am pdt
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Forty-Something Gay Pride - Where's My Parade?Forty-Something
Gay Pride – Don’t Get Me Started! Well, it’s Pride week for the gays and good for us…I guess. I know that I should be ripping my shirt
off (though many would beg for me to put it back on) don a rainbow colored afro wig, sling back pumps and march in a parade
but alas, unlike Dolly Levy in Hello Dolly – that parade has passed me by and I’m not all that concerned about
it to tell you the truth. Forty-something Gay Pride – Don’t Get Me Started! What do you do when you see all the images
of a group that you’re supposed to be associated with and don’t see yourself anywhere? I can imagine this is how
the fat girls feel when they look at a Vogue or how black people have felt for years before they were represented in the media.
But there’s something more to it. I’ve known for years that the gay community that preaches acceptance has done little to accept everyone. The
perfect picture of a gay man is the portrait of Dorian Gray. Always young, handsome enough to be called pretty yet something
just a bit off. (You know, like a portrait in the backroom that is doing all the aging.) No surprise that the story was written
by a gay man. We do it to ourselves, every time. Being ever youthful seems to be the gay ideal and as I never really worried
all that much about getting older…again another piece of the rainbow jigsaw puzzle just doesn’t fit for me. This all struck me when
I read an article on www.queerty.com yesterday about this twenty-three year old kid who has been broadcasting
his own show on YouTube, “Ask A Gay.” He was picked up by www.outzonetv.com (where Some Like It Scott appears on the blogroll) to do reporting
for them on Pride festivities in New York and be a regular correspondent on their site. This is a twenty-three year old kid
who is a manager of a Gap store and talks about such important things as who should wear the “skinny jean” and
who shouldn’t. (The boy is as flouncy as they come) Kudos to him for getting a regular gig but as the article on Queerty
suggested, I wouldn’t ask that particular gay for any advice and who is Bravo (the parent company for outzonetv) doing
any favors by continuing the stereotypical image of gays? Didn’t they all ready do enough with Queer Eye? And yet, does
that make me less than accepting too? It just might. My point is that I’m not young enough to be picked up by Bravo or MTV, not old enough to be living in Palm
Springs and I don’t qualify to be a David Geffen gay (all the money and power in the known universe). So where pray
tell am I, a forty-something gay who has been with the same man for almost nineteen years, living a simple life and secretly
wishing for fame, fortune or at the very least recognition in the community that is supposed to represent me supposed to take
my act? That’s right, there’s no place like home for me apparently unless I start swishing, taking steroids to
pump up or someone in my family dies and leaves me millions. PlanetOut, the parent company for magazines like The Advocate, Out and almost
every other glossy magazine for gays is in financial trouble. It doesn’t surprise me as the magazines all seem identical
at this point with the exception of the cover. (Read that blog here… PlanetOut Really Down And Out? ) But could it be that there are more gays like me out there somewhere?
Gays who just aren’t buying what our gay media wants to sell us? Triangle pink diamond partner rings, real estate in
Key West and believe it or not, not everyone wants to be sailing to Cancun with the five shirtless guys with great abs sipping
umbrella drinks in the ad either (sorry, just can’t imagine floating around on some barge while no one on the ship can
get past the “S.S.S.S.” part of the name of the ship. Perhaps it’s because I was Cleopatra in a former life
– been there done that?). I used to tell myself that I could still be one of the crowd I saw at parades and in magazines but the more I look
around it’s not about becoming a certain age that pushes me out of the “running of the gays”, it’s
that I was never part of that crowd in the first place. I don’t have a leather harness in the back of my closet, I don’t
have a healed scar from the nipple ring from my impetuous youth, and I don’t have pictures of me on a float in drag.
Dare I say it, with
all my passion for life, the humor I find in it and my man, I’m just one of the dreaded <look right, look left, whisper>
normal gays. And there seems to be increasingly less and less representation of us in the world. If we don’t look like
the gay that dumped Lance Bass or we don’t have the money of the gay mafia, we’re in no gay man’s land.
We’re not “gay enough” for TV and not rich enough to buy the $25,000 tables at an AIDS benefit, so we are
non-existent. Don’t get me wrong,
I have plenty of Pride but the question would be why gay websites, the media and other gay men don’t appear to have
any pride that I’m one of them? I’m not the wall flower at the dance but I’ll also never be voted Homecoming
King/Queen. So for those of you reading this who also fall into the category that I do, I just want you to know that although
no one may ever ask you to be in an ad without your shirt on for gay furniture and you don’t have a rainbow flag hanging
from your garage, you’re a gay too. An important part of the gay community and I celebrate you. Us regular garden variety
gays need to stick together and perhaps when publishers like PlanetOut and television figure out there’s more of us
than them and they’ll get smart and market to us. What I really want is for all you forty-something gays who aren’t
afraid of being forty (trying to still pass for 29 and dating a twenty-one year old who thinks you’re 26) to throw your
Advocate magazines in the trash, flip the channel when there’s another Pride parade being mocked by the evening news
showing only the drag queens, go to your window and scream, “I’m gay as hell too and I’m not going to take
it anymore!” Forty-something Gay Pride – Don’t Get Me Started!
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9:32 am pdt
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
I'm Offended Us Gays Are Offended By Hallmark Of All PeopleI’m
Offended You’re Offended By Hallmark For This – Don’t Get Me Started! So supposedly, Hallmark pulled a card
that some gays found to be offensive. The card, designed for Father’s Day read “Dad how about a Father’s
Day picnic?” on the front of it and the phrase, “Too queer? Yeah, I thought so too” on the inside. Have
we really gotten to this point where even Hallmark, the maker upper of holidays that have no true value other than to sell
cards, has found a way to offend us? I’m offended you’re offended by Hallmark For This – Don’t Get
Me Started! Come on people, they’ve
put in a line of cards by Maya Angelou, they’ve put cards in Spanish, they’ve even put in a few more Jewish holiday
cards (although they’re always smaller than Christmas cards, not boxed and on the bottom shelf). How can you be mad
at a company that helped put “sweetest day” on the map? A holiday, incidentally, that was created by candy companies
to sell candy but somehow is supposed to celebrate those you love while reminding you to also think of the sick, aged and
orphaned all on one day. Um...wouldn’t that be everyone? Well, start hoarding your candy as the holiday is the third
Saturday in October each year. My point is that all you have to do is walk into a Hallmark store to see what it’s all
about. Have you ever been in one? Let me walk you through it. The employees are (now don’t anyone get offended) predominantly white
women of a certain age from another era. An era where Tupperware parties still reign supreme and the most important things
in their day is straightening the resin statues with biblical phrases on them and wondering what they’re going to feed
their “men” when they get home at night. These women have been lost in time, completely. They blush when the cards
came in with the male stripper on the front exposing, dare I say it, his nipples <blush> and wearing nothing but a Speedo.
These women are six minutes away from creating a bake sale at any given moment. And this my friends, is why we’ve seen
Hallmark card stores dying out like the dinosaur they are, having only slightly changed with the times. So no wonder they
would produce a card that has a queer joke in it. Look at their employees and consumers and the whole story reveals itself.
Here’s what I think the “ladies” at Hallmark would say about all the fuss. “After all Helen, I don’t
see what all the fuss is about, those gays have that television show about five “queer” boys who “fix up”
real men on the television. Of course I didn’t watch the actual show but I did see an advertisement for it while I was
watching something on the Food Network. Oh it was a yummy looking casserole that had tuna and get ready for this…some
sherry in it, if you can believe that. Can you think of anything so daring? Oh wait, no it wasn’t on the Food Network,
I think one of those queers was on the television selling pants suits on QVC right after the brooch hour. I got the most stunning
bumble bee pin made of painted enamel in 24 carat plated gold and two Diamonique stones for the eyes. No, I didn’t watch
the queer boy. After all, I had to get John’s dinner ready.” The thing that is so funny about all of this is that all you have to do
is look at the Hallmark offerings online to see that they have a completely different sensibility online. Have you looked
and listened to any of the Hoops&YoYo cards? They were obviously written and voiced by either some gays or people who’ve
done a lot of hanging out with the gays. How Hallmark has managed to live this dual life this long without them crashing into
one another is pretty amazing actually. (Maybe Jim McGreevey is running this company!) Let’s just call it functionally
dysfunctional. (But don’t most of us fit into that category?) I get why some gays were offended by the cards but aren’t we all tired
of being so offended by everything and everyone else? I don’t know about you but for me it’s simply exhausting.
Should I be offended that there’s so much to get offended about or is it offensive that I’ve lost my barometer
on what’s offensive due to the fact that everything I read is telling me to be offended by everything else? We shouldn’t be
offended at Hallmark, they are what they are and we should accept them for their choice to have no grip on reality. Their’s
is a reality of butterflies with glitter on the front of cards with things like, “To Someone Nice To Know” on
them. They should leave the humor to people who can better handle it, the online Hallmark consumers who send e-cards like
Hoops&YoYo and people who buy cards from MikWright (Love them – www.mikwright.com ) and close all the Hallmark stores. Or do you find that offensive?
If so, I’m offended you’re offended by Hallmark For This – Don’t Get Me Started!
Comment on this
blog at... http://hubpages.com/hub/I_Am_Offended_You_Are_Offended_By_Hallmark
10:21 am pdt
Monday, June 18, 2007
Dina McGreevey has low book sales and I don't careEx-Mrs.
McCreepy (Sorry, McGreevey) Has Slow Book Sales – Don’t Get Me Started! As you know from my previous post, I was one of
the few homosexuals who was not all that fired up about the coming out of the governor of New Jersey as he stepped down from
office. Why you may ask? Because to me, Jim McGreevey has always seemed a little McCreepy. (Read the blog here…Jim McGreevey Is A Little McCreepy For This Gay) And even after I saw him on Oprah there was something that just
seemed a bit suspect to me. Well, not to be out done by her ex, the soon to be divorced Mrs. McGreevey has been published
too. Ex-Mrs. McCreepy (sorry, McGreevey) has slow book sales – Don’t Get Me Started!
Blaming her ex-husband for the slow book
sales of her book about her long suffering experiences of finding out her hubby was gay, Jim and Dina McGreevey rate right
up there for me with the Buttafucos and Amy Fisher. Remember their story? Remember now how you don’t care about it?
<True story time – my parents were at some event in New York that the Buttafucos attended too. My mother, never one
to be at a loss for words, when introduced to Mary Jo (Buttafuco’s wife) made the usual small talk and then came out
with this classic gem, “How’s your face?” – yet another reason I love my mother!>
My point for both McGreeveys
is that someone needs to let you know that your fifteen minutes of fame have definitely expired. You’ve both been on
Oprah and couldn’t even manage to make a best selling book out of the appearance so all ready you’ve got to know
that you’re both really dull (even with ghost writers). If you want the public to care about you, read your books or
even possibly buy them, you’re going to have to put some more money in the media meter. Jim, you’ll have to leave
the rich Australian billionaire that you’ve created Southfork New Jersey with and start dating Lance Bass. Dina, you’ll
have to start your own talk show titled, “So you think your husband is gay?” The problem is that neither of you
are interesting enough to pull either of those off.
And have you seen Jim McGreevey at his Southfork New Jersey? Oh my God, he and his luvah have managed to get
every gay cliché picture perfect. They have this sprawling mansion where they lounge on their wood Adirondack chairs
looking at the big mansion while the dogs run around in the yard. The thing is that you get the very distinct impression that
you wouldn’t want to be in either’s company for a long period of time and since all you got to see of the house
on the Oprah show was a fussy early American living room; the feeling I got was that they have doilies all over God creation,
looking as though they took the house from some ninety year old grandmother and just loved everything about it so didn’t
change a thing. Who doesn’t love a spinning wheel in the center of a room next to the Betsy Ross inspired rocker? It
just makes you go, “Hmmm. I thought the gays had better taste than this….well, I know I do (read my Queerty.com
essay http://www.queerty.com/art/the-style-issue-designing-for-two-20070613/ …hmmm…the straights can have Jim back, effective immediately.”
I have had gay
friends who have been married to women and while I understand that the guys think they’re being all butch and covering
it, I have to say that the only way a woman could not know that they were gay is because they didn’t want to know that
they were gay. These women, who look at a man as if he may be the “one” are really just looking for the white
dress and picket fence no matter what the cost to them personally. And in the case of Dina McGreevey, if you don’t think
for a minute she didn’t have her eyes on being First Lady instead of Jim’s crotch you’re mistaken. Of course,
in the cruelest twist of fate, Jim became First Lady and Dina became, well…someone who can’t sell books.
Times have changed
and there is no reason for gay men to try to “fit” in with straight society by marrying women, ruining unsuspecting
women’s lives and yet there are millions in that position right now. The thing is, with Oprah’s “down low”
or “DL” show and with all the media that the gay celebs get when they come out, you would think that at the very
least Mrs. McGreevey could sell some books with her topic, right? I haven’t read her or her husband’s book (and
I won’t) but perhaps she took the wrong approach.
Instead of writing about her long suffering (building her own cross and dragging it on the lawn of the governor’s
mansion) perhaps she should have really been writing about all the tell-tale signs that she claims she never saw in her husband
or their relationship? Seems to me that an approach like that would truly assist women in the same situation rather than claiming
ignorance for four hundred pages, causing everyone to wonder how she could have deluded herself for so long. She should tell
stories (even if they were made up) of how Jim would tell her that indeed what she had put on to wear to the cocktail party
DID make her look fat. He would make her change blouses over and over again until he liked what she had on before photo ops
with the press. Now this is the kind of stuff we would be interested in, right? Then we might have some sympathy for her or
even read her book. But unfortunately, such is not the case. And while I agree that she was married under false pretenses
and I feel a bit sorry for her, I don’t feel sorry for her that she managed to take an interesting topic and make it
so dull no one cares about it. Ex-Mrs. McCreepy (sorry, McGreevey) has slow book sales – Don’t Get Me Started!
Comment on this blog at... http://hubpages.com/hub/Mrs_McGreevey_Has_Slow_Book_Sales_Who_Cares
9:18 am pdt
Friday, June 15, 2007
Web Searches - Just Who Are These People?Web Searches
– Who Are These People? – Don’t Get Me Started! Like most websites, mine can tell me who has clicked over from another site
that has a link to mine (an example would be the “blogroll” my site is included on at www.outzonetv.com ), it can tell me how many people are visiting the site and the average
amount of times people are visiting my site. Now before you get all creeped out, thinking it’s all too, “Big Brother
is watching” for you (Yes, I’m talking directly to my pal Betsy with that comment) it does not provide me with
any personal information about you specifically. (But why ARE you wearing that pair of pants while you’re reading this?
You know it makes your ass look huge. Oh, going out to find a date and you WANT your ass to look huge…well, mission
accomplished!) And there’s a lot of data the site gives me that I have no idea what the hell it means however, I recently
looked to see the “searches” people have put into Internet search engines (like Google) that brought them to my
site. Web searches – who are these people? – Don’t Get Me Started! Okay, now some of the following I get but a lot
I just don’t understand. Not to mention the fact that I’m sure whoever these people are, some were astonished
to find me at the end of their rainbow…I mean, search. There’s no need to comment on these really, just read
them and then tell me you don’t think some are as hysterical as I do! gayer than jokes | tb
plane | laura s zest | listen le jazz hot
victor/victoria | mummenshantz | dreamgirls coffee
table | gayer than gay | the kids classic
my favorite things list by maria | out of business three little bakers | gay
boys wearing plastic pants | favorite things quote | gayer
than the day is long | sally field photos brother and sisters boniva too | dreamgirls
coffe | doggy door | dreamgirls youtube | gay
sits | project runway couture challenge winner | oprah
gayle hairstyle | using lotion as a lube crusty | tb
airplane passenger | gay guys in overalls stories | olsen
twins devil costume | dreamgirls curtis character | here
are a few of my favorite thing | tonner effie | www.men
shoes with tassel shoe strings | don t make me get the flying monkeys saying from wizard
of oz | sign don t make me break out my flying monkeys | pretty
sure you re gayer than this guy | who is james early supposed to be in dreamgirls? | dixie
carter hair loss | mame i didn t know you were literate | chippendale
dancers crotch bulge huge | somelikeitscott | who
is gayer than haven? | mikwright calendar quotes | mikwright
e-cards | fred astaire singing dancing in the dark youtube | gays
dressed in satin | internationalmale | logonetwork | do
scorpios like cards | the wedding singer broadway clip | upper
thigh tattoo fag | feline leukemia can human get tit from cats | dreamgirls
live interviews oprah youtube | runway model shaniqua in arizona | true
story about dreamgirls | these are just some of my favorite thing | the
three little bakers dinner theatre closing its doors | the story behind dreamgirls
the movie | project runway finale olympics fashion week show soundtrack | bert
and ernie don t ask don t tell t-shirts | mad hot | dreamgirls
family music video | morbidly obese children on the maury show | youtube
the man in the moon from mame | dreamgirls the play 1982 | 1982
dream girls broadway musical | bonnie bedelia youtube | things
grandmother used to say | chords for when i first saw you from dreamgirls | where
does gayle king work | scott rosenzweig blog | create
your own model to walk down the runway game | that s gayer than jokes | cute
address labels cheap | dreamgirls move music video | my
favorite things list david sedaris | gay hunky scandinavian men | oprah
and her starbucks | scott rosenzweig | youtube chicago broadway
show | obese kids on the maury show | once
you get me started you know ill never stop | caballeros gay | porcelain
chocolates cups with lids and underpants |
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