CNN Poll
Says Gays Can’t Change Orientation. Whew, I Feel Better – Don’t Get Me Started!
In a CNN poll that was released yesterday,
for the first time in CNN poll world the majority polled believe that gays can’t change their fuchsia stripes. That’s
right, people are finally catching on that we gays are…um, I don’t know…well…GAY! (Shhh, don’t
tell Anne Heche – they can have her, we don’t want her anyway) I have to say that most of us should be delighted
to find out that people (straight ones) are finally coming around to what those of us who are gay have known all along. However,
if you look at the poll a little closer you’ll discover that it’s not time to break out the Cristal just yet.
CNN poll says gays can’t change orientation. Whew, I feel better – Don’t Get Me Started!
I get it, we’re supposed to be
all fired up and excited any time that a poll or study comes out that says that there are more people out in the world who
are accepting of us and I’m not negating the fact that it is nice to know that people’s tolerance (and I mean
their ability to “put up with”) us gays is getting better. But it’s still a little like cancer, have pity
for anyone else’s family who has it but hope you don’t get it in yours. (Which at this point is nearly impossible
on both fronts – gays and cancer)
The thing is that the poll was taken on a Friday through Sunday by telephone. Now we know that most of the people
they interviewed had to be straight because the boys are out on Friday and Saturday night and on Sunday all the old queens
go antiquing. (Stop cringing, they’re only stereotypes, kids)
Let’s go to the tote board (without Ed McMahon or a “timpani”)
56% said they do not feel that gays can change their orientation (up from 45% in 2001 and 36% in 1998). 79% said we should
be allowed to go into the military and the marriage battle wages on with 43% not supporting gay’s
rights to marriage, 24% support the gays getting married (as long as they plan it, of course) and 27% support civil unions.
Yes, we have a lot to be thankful for and we are definitely making strides. I think all of this is encouraging and
something to take great Pride in. I also think that some of it is just really funny. While it’s great that the public
is getting educated that you can’t be gay, go into rehab and come out free of the gay, meth, massage therapist/hooker
and go back to the pulpit…well, not immediately anyway (Read that blog here…Gays Can Be Happy Again Now That Haggard Is Not! ) they still really aren’t all that excited about having us
at their country clubs or swimming in their pools (social or public). Frankly, I think that we’ve benefited because
some have just thrown their hands up in exasperation going, “What are you going to do with these gays? Ach, let them
be gay all ready, I’m too tired to fight it any more and they do my hair so nice.” We’ve
either worn them down or they became hooked on Will and Grace now that it’s on Lifetime (television for women and gays)
and have decided we’re fun to laugh with as well as at. As my grandmother used to say in the 70’s, “You
know those gays, they’re everywhere.” And we are.
Let’s face it, not too many people are all that excited or supportive
about the war so I think it’s a little hard to determine if people don’t care about gays in the military or just
feel as though whoever signs up at this point as long as it’s not them, God bless.
I think the marriage question is going
to be a deal breaker for a long time to come but mostly because of the word, “marriage” as traditionalists cling
to tradition better than a…a…Fiddler On The Roof (“sounds crazy, no?”). I hate the whole “civil
unions” title as it sounds like a business partnership that while very civil doesn’t have a lot of sex involved
in it (ooh, sounds like a lot of my straight married friends).
The point is that most people are finding out that the gays aren’t
quite as scary as they originally thought and that’s a really good thing. It’s good that they’re doing these
polls, it’s good that we’re coming out on top for a change and it will be interesting to see where things go from
here. CNN poll says gays can’t change orientation. Whew, I feel better – Don’t Get Me Started!
"My husband...some hotshot...ancient Chinese secret" I believe my fortune cookie!
I Believe
My Fortune Cookie, Dammit! – Don’t Get Me Started!
Here I am in LA, the land of dreams and sometimes you have to allow yourself
to be open to divine intervention. True, for some this happens by humming with a bunch of people they don’t know in
Sedona, Arizona but for me it happened in a much simpler, humbler way in a Chinese restaurant in Burbank. I was out at dinner
with a pal and at the end of the meal the waiter brought the clarity I’d been looking for over the years but had always
proved elusive to me. Yes, in that oddly folded cookie was the fortune I’ve waited for all my life and although some
would say that it is just superstitious to believe in the power of a fortune cookie, I say, “Oh ye, of little faith!”
I believe my fortune cookie, dammit! - Don’t Get Me Started!
Sure, I could find inspiration on a bumper
sticker (“Hate Is NOT A Family Value”) or the mini van I saw recently that had so many “fish” symbols
on the back of it that I think even Jesus would be impressed. But no, those are inspiration for the uneducated, the uninformed
the pedestrian dreamers, if you will. If you’ve read any of my blogs you know I’m a dreamer, a lover of life (stop
rolling your eyes) and this fortune just confirmed everything I always knew about myself but was afraid to say out loud.
As I opened the fortune
cookie, I admit that I almost choked on the less than flavorful orangey colored crunchy dough and I think I inhaled some of
the cookie dust like some cheap and less than exotic cocaine – there was no rush just a sneeze and a lump in my throat
(brought on by the cookie, not emotion). And does anyone really LIKE these cookies or is it all about the fortune? But enough
of this, back to what you’ve been waiting for…in between two smiley faces was the truth that few have seen or
understood about me that somehow someone in a fortune cookie factory saw and understood. The phrase on that tiny slip of paper
you ask? It was, “You are never bitter, deceptive or petty.”
Do you need a minute? I know…I needed one too. Yes, though some have
accused me of being “bitchy” or a “queen” from reading my blogs they don’t get me at all. Not
like the fortune cookie people. Immediately I was thinking, this is my next t-shirt and then I thought of a person that was
somewhat in my life who had made negative remarks about me. She had talked to someone about being afraid of me because of
things that I had said. Things that I don’t even remember saying and so I said to my dinner companion, “I’m
getting this blown up and framed for Marie.” After all, the fortune knew what I never did, that I wasn’t bitter,
deceptive or petty…to me that was a “get out of jail free” card. I could pretty much do anything and yet
never be considered being any of those nasty things above. If anyone said anything different I could always just pull out
my fortune and go, “Ah…excuse me, did you say I was being petty??? I think not and I have it in writing. See?”
So here’s what
I suggest. I suggest you all go out for Chinese food immediately and whatever you do (you’re going to be hungry all
over again a few hours later so make sure that you take some home with you) but eat that meal and get to the cookie and whatever
the fortune is that you get, have it blown up and live by it. True, my pal’s fortune was something about being a nice
and sunny person (which he is and who cares?) but mine was the real gem and all I hope is that there is one out there for
you too. I believe my fortune cookie, dammit! -Don’t Get Me Started!
Just Say, “No” To Sleeveless! – Don’t Get Me Started!
In
talking with a friend recently who is about my age, she was telling me about this dinner party she went to and how everyone
there was telling her how pretty she looked. She was thrilled as she knew she was carrying extra weight but alas, she thought
that the camouflage she had draped herself in had managed to fool the public. When she excused herself and went into the bathroom,
there was the dreaded full length mirror. Taking a glance and then a real look, she saw what they saw and it wasn’t
pretty at all. In fact, she thinks that they were giving her the “you look so pretty” pity party instead of honest
comments. When I asked her what she was wearing, she began with, “Well it is sleeveless.” I stopped her right
there. Just say, “NO” to sleeveless! – Don’t Get Me Started!
No
one over forty (male or female) should wear sleeveless and let me tell you why. Even if you have the most buff arms in the
world, a sleeveless shirt on a forty or older just translates as a desperate cry to the world that you think you’re
still in your twenties. I’m here to tell you that you aren’t and you need to stop it. The worst part is that often
these shirts (in the case of women but yes, I’ve seen men do it too) are often partnered up with a pair of Capri pants.
Now unless you’re going to be digging for clams you need not wear these either...ever. I get that your whole life you’ve
lived to look like Mary Tyler Moore on the Dick Van Dyke show but come on people, look at yourself in these outfits in a full
length mirror and I defy you to not see yourself for the dumpy creature you’ve made yourself by dressing this way.
I
get it that some of you are going to say, “You’re only as old as you feel.” But sometimes you have to act
(or in this case) dress your age. I’m not saying you have to wear something that is completely polyester or without
style at all but I am saying that it’s about time to retire the overall shorts, kids. You also need to realize that
just because the “kids” are all wearing something doesn’t mean that you should wear it too. Yes, to some
of us, all of this seems so obvious and has no need to be repeated but look around the next time you’re in a grocery
store or at a mall and I’m telling you right now these words will come back to you and you’ll see that I was right,
that it needed to be said.
Here’s
a little help for you to figure out if what you’re about to wear out should be seen worn by you or not. Put the whole
thing together, pants, socks, underwear (for those that wear it), shirt and whatever accessories you’re going to put
on and stand in front of the mirror. Do you have a knit cap on with a skull and cross bones? Remove it immediately. Do you
have a shirt on with some “cool” phrase like, “Jimmy’s lube shop?” Take it off. Are your pants
Capri length or so baggy that they look as if they were featured in a rap video? Get those off too. Now take a good long,
scary look at yourself. Unless you are Jack LaLanne or Jackie Warner from Bravo’s show, Work Out, most likely you’re
going to want to cover up but what to put on? Go back in the closet (albeit briefly) and pull out something that fits and
looks good on you – no, not the shirt you let the twenty year old at Hollister talk you into (you thought you were doing
great with him while he was thinking about his commission on an $80 t-shirt) or the pants with the “whiskering”
you think makes your crotch look bigger. Somewhere in there are clothes that make you look good and are appropriate for your
age, find them.
I’m thrilled that 40 is
the new 60 or that 50 is the new 30 or whatever the crap they tell us to buy more supplements and work out. I’m glad
that we can all look so young and healthy but let’s also be realistic. Sometimes you just have to spend some real quality
time with yourself and determine if you want to be someone that people look at for the right reasons or because they can’t
believe someone your age still thinks they can pull off a tank top. Just say, “NO” to sleeveless! – Don’t
Get Me Started!
Ask A Gay
(Stereotype that is) Needs To Go Away! – Don’t Get Me Started!
For those of you who don’t know, William Sled
is a twenty-three year old manager of The Gap in Kentucky who with his best friend Stephanie, have created videos on YouTube,
called “Ask A Gay.” Well, recently outzonetv.com has “picked them up” to do videos for their website.
Outzonetv is owned by Bravo so I’m traipsing on dangerous ground considering Bravo gave me the opportunity to be the
Ultimate Fan Blogger for season 3 of Project Runway (and would like to be for season 4) and they have listed my site on the
outzonetv.com blogroll. But I’m sorry; this recent move has just made me crazy. Ask A Gay (Stereotype that is) needs
to go away! – Don’t Get Me Started!
You see, as with most of these video blogs out now, the people look into their Apple iBook and let the camera roll.
Most of these people (Yes, I’m talking to Rosie now too) seem to spend most of their time looking at themselves talking
into the camera. I don’t have an iBook so I wouldn’t know but from looking at some video blogs, it appears as
if they can see themselves. It’s a little like watching a five year old on Leno who is more enamored by the monitor
that they can see themselves in on the stage than in the show that is happening, that they are supposed to be a part of at
the same moment. Tell me again about the guy who drowned looking at his own reflection?
The reason this latest move by outzonetv.com
makes me crazy is that the whole idea of “Ask A Gay” needs to be handled by someone who actually knows something.
The videos should really be named, “Ask a Gay Stereotype” as in the video I watched William goes on and on about
his devotion for the color pink (okay, didn’t get past the first minute) and he and Stephanie were going to bake wedding
cakes. There they sat in their veils while William continually played with his hair and looked at his image sucking in his
cheeks and pouting doing bad Zoolander looks, while asking if anyone would really want a pink wedding cake. Thank you outzonetv.com
for once again confirming to the world that gays only come in one variety – pink loving, wedding cake making, veiled,
primping, prisses who have about as much depth as the shallow end of a kid’s blow up pool.
As I told my twenty-something cousin
when he was telling me about how he was helping another cousin of ours come out (Read the blog here…Relatively Speaking My Family Is Full Up With The
Gays) “I’m the Gaytriarch in this family and all gayness must
go through me!” The point is that I hate to say it but if you’re going to be a gay the first thing you should
learn is to be yourself, not a stereotype that will garner you attention but in most cases, the wrong kind of attention. No
one can make me believe that the image that this kid William is putting out there is his real self and not some made up persona
that he thinks is what being gay is all about. He’s wrong, dead wrong.
So who is at fault here? While I would love to blame the religious right
or the government, I’m afraid that the real enemy is us gays. “The fault, Dear Bravo, is not in our stars, but
in ourselves that we are underlings.” (From Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar, kind of) Bravo and its sister site are
full up with the gay executives so you would think that they would have the common decency to want to portray the gays with
some sense in their head. Such is not the case. Kudos Bravo for Queer Eye – the show that showed us gays know how to
cook, do hair, throw throw pillows and dress people (we’re still not sure what Jai did – other than bring in an
ethnic into the mix). Or the one to three gays they put on each of their competition shows. (Notice that most are like the
twitching and clutching pearls Dave from Top Chef.) Wow, there’s something to feel Prideful about, isn’t it? Sure
there are the Tim Gunn’s of Bravo but they are too few and far between.
To those who would label me a “Bitchy Queen” and reserve me
a table under the name, “Bitter” table for one, let me say that you are wrong. I’m glad the kid is getting
his fifteen minutes, honestly I am but at what cost to the rest of us? Lighthearted entertainment is great (have you read
most of my blog entries) but at some point, can’t there be some substance represented amongst the fluff? And in some
part, if all that is seen is the stereotypical image of gays doesn’t it keep us relegated as the court jester of straight
society? I don’t know about the rest of you but I’m tired of being the monkey with the tin cup dancing every time
the straight organ grinder turns on “I Will Survive” – perhaps at some point soon we need to make it our
“Last Dance” and I say, let’s start with “Ask A Gay.” Ask A Gay (Stereotype that is) needs to
go away! – Don’t Get Me Started!
Why am I always in the minority group that's involved in a scandal?
Why Is
It Always A Minority Group That I’m In That Is In Trouble?! – Don’t Get Me Started!
So I’m sure by
now you’ve all heard about the Jew that tried to bomb the gay Pride parade in Jerusalem. I can’t help it, every
time I see a headline that has “Gay” or “Jew” or “Teacher Has Affair With Student” I start
to cringe. (And no, I’ve never been a teacher who had an affair with a student) Why is it always a minority group that
I’m in that is in trouble?! – Don’t Get Me Started!
So apparently the story goes that a 32-year old Orthodox Jew was caught
with a bomb that he had made to throw at the marching gays. God love Israel’s police (cause you know that they don’t
fuck around). They apprehended him and no one missed a step of the march. The Orthodox Jews are mighty upset about the gays
marching on what they consider a holy place, Jerusalem. I get it and understand they’re all fired up but come on people,
stop with the holy ground and start living holy lives before you get all holier than thou.
The point is that if you’re like
me, the minute you read the headline, you’re sick to your stomach. “Jewish bomber seized before Jerusalem gay
parade” – it just kills me. I know that it’s accurate but I start to cringe and I can’t help myself
because I’m like, “Oh here we go, another thing for the religious right to go off on us Jews and gays about.”
This is the story they’ll jump on. First we’re going to hell because we’re Jews and rounding second we’re
making bombs, coming up to third base it’s in Jerusalem and sliding home for the kill, the gays caused it by marching.
Home Run! And that my friends, is what we call a born again Christian Grand Slam. (And I don’t even like parades, dammit!)
It’s like when
you see the headlines about the teachers who have had sex with a student. I can’t help it, I read the headline and then
I say a little prayer. “Oh dear God, please, please, I am begging you. Make it some white blonde chick with a football
player. Don’t make it the boys’ swim coach with the team or the girls’ soccer coach with her goalie. Please,
please, I beg of you.” I know it’s wrong but I can’t help myself. I know for some of you you’re going
to leave my site and go scouting around for porn with the above scenarios immediately (and what you do on your own time is
your business) but when it comes to public scandal, I always hope it’s a male teacher who has had sex with a girl student
instead of with a boy. Why? You know why, because if it’s a male teacher and a male student then we have to listen to
the Rush Limbaughs of the world go off about the gays trying to “recruit” and “bring young boys into the
gay fold” (Let’s face it, when it comes to folds, most young gay boys are more interested in folding jeans at
the Gap than joining Mr. Murphy from Science class in an anatomy lesson over the bunson burner!).
No matter what, I can’t seem
to escape being in the minority that has done something so egregious that it makes my Jewish guilt sensors go off the charts.
Suddenly I want to go around saying to complete strangers, “Look at me, I’m Jewish and gay but I’m in a
long term relationship, I rescued two stray cats, I vote and I call my mother at least once a day. I’m a good person.
See??? Pay no attention to the Jew bomber or the PE teacher giving physical exams with her tongue on girl students behind
the curtain. I can give you a list of at least ten other gays who are good people too, honest I can.”
Perhaps some would say
that I’m too sensitive and that there’s plenty of scandal to go around. I guess that’s why we cheer when
there’s a straight involved in some sort of scandal. We have to bring them down like they do to us but the thing about
doing that is that no one wins. Not the victims, and certainly not the group of people who are associated with the offender,
whether they be men, women, black, white, Jews, gays or one of the Jackson family. And so I’ll continue to open my Google
news or CNN.com with one eye open, saying my little prayer that today will not be the day I see a headline that involves any
group I’m associated with, all the while knowing my prayers won’t be answered. Why is it always a minority group
that I’m in that is in trouble?! – Don’t Get Me Started!
Forty-Something
Gay Pride (Part Two) – Don’t Get Me Started!
To say that I was shocked by the number of forty-something gays who wrote
in after yesterday’s blog would be an understatement. As I tell a lot of people, when you’re writing a blog it’s
a pretty solitary thing so you never really know if people are reading or not unless they write in. So to those who wrote
in, thank you for reading and writing to me. The common thread in the emails I received was that everyone seemed to be giving
a collective sigh of relief that someone validated their right to stay home from Pride parades and not feel badly about it.
After doing some more looking around the web to see what other people had to say about Pride week I felt validated about my
feelings on the subject. Forty-something gay Pride (Part Two) – Don’t Get Me Started!
I guess one of the bigger surprises
from reading everyone’s thoughts about Pride online are the people who feel as though we need to have a Pride month
similar to Black History Month. Now this is really surprising to me when all over people are talking about how they can’t
get people to a parade for one day. Now you want to be Julie McCoy on the Love Boat and try to find a month full of activities?
Are you crazy? What would those be like? Gay shuffle board (where you push cock rings down the Lido deck)? A Tennessee Williams
play festival (where the entire audience is dressed like Blanche DuBois trying to depend on the kindness of strangers)? Sorry
to say that I just can’t imagine it. From being with a black man for almost nineteen years, I can tell you that Black
History Month is basically an insult to that community. Until we get to the point where we can celebrate diversity 365 days
a year, giving a specific group a month is like creating a Hallmark holiday – you buy the cards but you’re not
really sure why.
No, I don’t think a month is the answer and let’s face it, how many times can you cheer, “Two bits,
four bits, suck dicks, a dollar!” at a parade? (Okay, I admit it, I never shouted that in my life nor have I heard anyone
say it, it just came to me and I just thought it was funny) Here’s my new thought, perhaps we need to do something that
will appeal to the gays of a certain age while teaching the gays of tomorrow how “the movement” started? Before
we forget the rest of the chant, “We’re here, we’re queer…um….what was that now….ah…..get
used to it?” I’m suggesting we do historical reenactments, you know like they do of the Civil War battles? We
can all stuff ourselves into 501 jeans (Read that blog here… Bringing 501s Back ), put on big Village People cop mustaches and reenact the Stonewall
riots. Next stop on the hysterical historical tour would be a dinner party in the Hamptons and then board “Spirit”
airlines to fly to Vegas to finish the night at Studio 54, dancing to Donna Summer. Okay, having just read that last paragraph
reminds me of the article I read in The Advocate about a Gay Spring Break that some company had created. It supposedly taught
classes about gay history, financial planning and I guess the proper application of lube. It was supposed to be a chance for
gay youth to not only have fun in the sun but also be accepted and learn. But to do that for your spring break? Come on, think
college kids on mom and dad’s dime…you tell me if gay or straight they’re going to Florida beaches to learn
or get laid?
Okay, so perhaps the
Hysterical History tour is out but taking a tip from a Some Like It Scott pal, Grayson, I know what we can do that won’t
depend on getting a city permit, won’t cost us millions of dollars and won’t be in danger of becoming a Hallmark
card…what if we all get off our gay asses and vote for candidates that don’t have to be gay but at least appreciate
our existence? Grayson wrote to me about his frustrations when trying to get some friends to vote recently in Dallas for a
gay mayoral candidate. His pals gave all the clichés, “What will my one vote matter?” or “Rosie was
on that day and my Tivo wasn’t working.” I’m not saying that just because someone is gay they are the perfect
candidate (look at McCreepey, I mean, Mc Greevey from New Jersey – Read that blog here… Jim McGreevey Is A Little McCreepy For This Gay ) but we’ve got to start
getting some representation (and I don’t mean from The William Morris Agency – although if there’s anyone
from that agency reading who’s interested in me, just know, I’m interested in you!). Perhaps the best thing we
can do to show our Pride is to get some people in office who all ready get that we gays contribute a lot to society (all while
being turned down to give blood, being told we can’t be Boy Scout Leaders or serve openly in the military). I hate to
say it, but it seems as if the only way to get some gays to vote is to tell them the polling booths are actually glory holes.
Well whatever it takes but until we get out and vote in leaders who get it, we’re doomed to stay in the shadows of society.
At the end of the day,
I think the real reason that Pride seems to be wavering is that it was turned into a commercial holiday by some enterprising
gays who made a lot of money off their fellow gays (selling rainbow suncatchers and t-shirts with double entendre sayings
like, “Mac’s Lube Shop”). But like Christmas, no one really remembers what it was supposed to be about anymore.
And instead of a Jolly Old Saint Nick character all the Pride parades have are bad drag queens with armpit hair wearing a
badly beaded dress. Let’s face it, Pride has become the Lola character from the Manilow classic, “Copacabana”
– “Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl. But that was thirty years ago, when they used to have a show. Now it’s
a disco, but not for Lola. Still in that dress she used to wear, faded feathers in her hair…” I think it’s
time to put Pride out of its misery or perhaps just create Pride The Next Generation.
We’ve had to reinvent ourselves before
and we can do it again. The first thing is to start liking one another again, accepting each other and stop defining ourselves
only by the images the media and advertisers show us. Remember when we took to the streets to educate our community about
HIV before trying to make the ads look “hot” so that us gays would pay attention to them? Let’s show our
Pride by celebrating our history, each other and a direction for our future…of just being the gays next door with our
2.5 kids (or not), white picket fence (or not) and as we’ve always done, being the coolest people on the block to know.
Forty-something gay Pride (Part Two) – Don’t Get Me Started!
Well, it’s Pride week for the gays and good for us…I guess. I know that I should be ripping my shirt
off (though many would beg for me to put it back on) don a rainbow colored afro wig, sling back pumps and march in a parade
but alas, unlike Dolly Levy in Hello Dolly – that parade has passed me by and I’m not all that concerned about
it to tell you the truth. Forty-something Gay Pride – Don’t Get Me Started!
What do you do when you see all the images
of a group that you’re supposed to be associated with and don’t see yourself anywhere? I can imagine this is how
the fat girls feel when they look at a Vogue or how black people have felt for years before they were represented in the media.
But there’s something more to it.
I’ve known for years that the gay community that preaches acceptance has done little to accept everyone. The
perfect picture of a gay man is the portrait of Dorian Gray. Always young, handsome enough to be called pretty yet something
just a bit off. (You know, like a portrait in the backroom that is doing all the aging.) No surprise that the story was written
by a gay man. We do it to ourselves, every time. Being ever youthful seems to be the gay ideal and as I never really worried
all that much about getting older…again another piece of the rainbow jigsaw puzzle just doesn’t fit for me.
This all struck me when
I read an article on www.queerty.com yesterday about this twenty-three year old kid who has been broadcasting
his own show on YouTube, “Ask A Gay.” He was picked up by www.outzonetv.com (where Some Like It Scott appears on the blogroll) to do reporting
for them on Pride festivities in New York and be a regular correspondent on their site. This is a twenty-three year old kid
who is a manager of a Gap store and talks about such important things as who should wear the “skinny jean” and
who shouldn’t. (The boy is as flouncy as they come) Kudos to him for getting a regular gig but as the article on Queerty
suggested, I wouldn’t ask that particular gay for any advice and who is Bravo (the parent company for outzonetv) doing
any favors by continuing the stereotypical image of gays? Didn’t they all ready do enough with Queer Eye? And yet, does
that make me less than accepting too? It just might.
My point is that I’m not young enough to be picked up by Bravo or MTV, not old enough to be living in Palm
Springs and I don’t qualify to be a David Geffen gay (all the money and power in the known universe). So where pray
tell am I, a forty-something gay who has been with the same man for almost nineteen years, living a simple life and secretly
wishing for fame, fortune or at the very least recognition in the community that is supposed to represent me supposed to take
my act? That’s right, there’s no place like home for me apparently unless I start swishing, taking steroids to
pump up or someone in my family dies and leaves me millions.
PlanetOut, the parent company for magazines like The Advocate, Out and almost
every other glossy magazine for gays is in financial trouble. It doesn’t surprise me as the magazines all seem identical
at this point with the exception of the cover. (Read that blog here… PlanetOut Really Down And Out? ) But could it be that there are more gays like me out there somewhere?
Gays who just aren’t buying what our gay media wants to sell us? Triangle pink diamond partner rings, real estate in
Key West and believe it or not, not everyone wants to be sailing to Cancun with the five shirtless guys with great abs sipping
umbrella drinks in the ad either (sorry, just can’t imagine floating around on some barge while no one on the ship can
get past the “S.S.S.S.” part of the name of the ship. Perhaps it’s because I was Cleopatra in a former life
– been there done that?).
I used to tell myself that I could still be one of the crowd I saw at parades and in magazines but the more I look
around it’s not about becoming a certain age that pushes me out of the “running of the gays”, it’s
that I was never part of that crowd in the first place. I don’t have a leather harness in the back of my closet, I don’t
have a healed scar from the nipple ring from my impetuous youth, and I don’t have pictures of me on a float in drag.
Dare I say it, with
all my passion for life, the humor I find in it and my man, I’m just one of the dreaded <look right, look left, whisper>
normal gays. And there seems to be increasingly less and less representation of us in the world. If we don’t look like
the gay that dumped Lance Bass or we don’t have the money of the gay mafia, we’re in no gay man’s land.
We’re not “gay enough” for TV and not rich enough to buy the $25,000 tables at an AIDS benefit, so we are
non-existent.
Don’t get me wrong,
I have plenty of Pride but the question would be why gay websites, the media and other gay men don’t appear to have
any pride that I’m one of them? I’m not the wall flower at the dance but I’ll also never be voted Homecoming
King/Queen. So for those of you reading this who also fall into the category that I do, I just want you to know that although
no one may ever ask you to be in an ad without your shirt on for gay furniture and you don’t have a rainbow flag hanging
from your garage, you’re a gay too. An important part of the gay community and I celebrate you. Us regular garden variety
gays need to stick together and perhaps when publishers like PlanetOut and television figure out there’s more of us
than them and they’ll get smart and market to us.
What I really want is for all you forty-something gays who aren’t
afraid of being forty (trying to still pass for 29 and dating a twenty-one year old who thinks you’re 26) to throw your
Advocate magazines in the trash, flip the channel when there’s another Pride parade being mocked by the evening news
showing only the drag queens, go to your window and scream, “I’m gay as hell too and I’m not going to take
it anymore!” Forty-something Gay Pride – Don’t Get Me Started!
I'm Offended Us Gays Are Offended By Hallmark Of All People
I’m
Offended You’re Offended By Hallmark For This – Don’t Get Me Started!
So supposedly, Hallmark pulled a card
that some gays found to be offensive. The card, designed for Father’s Day read “Dad how about a Father’s
Day picnic?” on the front of it and the phrase, “Too queer? Yeah, I thought so too” on the inside. Have
we really gotten to this point where even Hallmark, the maker upper of holidays that have no true value other than to sell
cards, has found a way to offend us? I’m offended you’re offended by Hallmark For This – Don’t Get
Me Started!
Come on people, they’ve
put in a line of cards by Maya Angelou, they’ve put cards in Spanish, they’ve even put in a few more Jewish holiday
cards (although they’re always smaller than Christmas cards, not boxed and on the bottom shelf). How can you be mad
at a company that helped put “sweetest day” on the map? A holiday, incidentally, that was created by candy companies
to sell candy but somehow is supposed to celebrate those you love while reminding you to also think of the sick, aged and
orphaned all on one day. Um...wouldn’t that be everyone? Well, start hoarding your candy as the holiday is the third
Saturday in October each year. My point is that all you have to do is walk into a Hallmark store to see what it’s all
about. Have you ever been in one? Let me walk you through it.
The employees are (now don’t anyone get offended) predominantly white
women of a certain age from another era. An era where Tupperware parties still reign supreme and the most important things
in their day is straightening the resin statues with biblical phrases on them and wondering what they’re going to feed
their “men” when they get home at night. These women have been lost in time, completely. They blush when the cards
came in with the male stripper on the front exposing, dare I say it, his nipples <blush> and wearing nothing but a Speedo.
These women are six minutes away from creating a bake sale at any given moment. And this my friends, is why we’ve seen
Hallmark card stores dying out like the dinosaur they are, having only slightly changed with the times. So no wonder they
would produce a card that has a queer joke in it. Look at their employees and consumers and the whole story reveals itself.
Here’s what I think the “ladies” at Hallmark would say about all the fuss. “After all Helen, I don’t
see what all the fuss is about, those gays have that television show about five “queer” boys who “fix up”
real men on the television. Of course I didn’t watch the actual show but I did see an advertisement for it while I was
watching something on the Food Network. Oh it was a yummy looking casserole that had tuna and get ready for this…some
sherry in it, if you can believe that. Can you think of anything so daring? Oh wait, no it wasn’t on the Food Network,
I think one of those queers was on the television selling pants suits on QVC right after the brooch hour. I got the most stunning
bumble bee pin made of painted enamel in 24 carat plated gold and two Diamonique stones for the eyes. No, I didn’t watch
the queer boy. After all, I had to get John’s dinner ready.”
The thing that is so funny about all of this is that all you have to do
is look at the Hallmark offerings online to see that they have a completely different sensibility online. Have you looked
and listened to any of the Hoops&YoYo cards? They were obviously written and voiced by either some gays or people who’ve
done a lot of hanging out with the gays. How Hallmark has managed to live this dual life this long without them crashing into
one another is pretty amazing actually. (Maybe Jim McGreevey is running this company!) Let’s just call it functionally
dysfunctional. (But don’t most of us fit into that category?)
I get why some gays were offended by the cards but aren’t we all tired
of being so offended by everything and everyone else? I don’t know about you but for me it’s simply exhausting.
Should I be offended that there’s so much to get offended about or is it offensive that I’ve lost my barometer
on what’s offensive due to the fact that everything I read is telling me to be offended by everything else?
We shouldn’t be
offended at Hallmark, they are what they are and we should accept them for their choice to have no grip on reality. Their’s
is a reality of butterflies with glitter on the front of cards with things like, “To Someone Nice To Know” on
them. They should leave the humor to people who can better handle it, the online Hallmark consumers who send e-cards like
Hoops&YoYo and people who buy cards from MikWright (Love them – www.mikwright.com ) and close all the Hallmark stores. Or do you find that offensive?
If so, I’m offended you’re offended by Hallmark For This – Don’t Get Me Started!
Dina McGreevey has low book sales and I don't care
Ex-Mrs.
McCreepy (Sorry, McGreevey) Has Slow Book Sales – Don’t Get Me Started!
As you know from my previous post, I was one of
the few homosexuals who was not all that fired up about the coming out of the governor of New Jersey as he stepped down from
office. Why you may ask? Because to me, Jim McGreevey has always seemed a little McCreepy. (Read the blog here…Jim McGreevey Is A Little McCreepy For This Gay) And even after I saw him on Oprah there was something that just
seemed a bit suspect to me. Well, not to be out done by her ex, the soon to be divorced Mrs. McGreevey has been published
too. Ex-Mrs. McCreepy (sorry, McGreevey) has slow book sales – Don’t Get Me Started!
Blaming her ex-husband for the slow book
sales of her book about her long suffering experiences of finding out her hubby was gay, Jim and Dina McGreevey rate right
up there for me with the Buttafucos and Amy Fisher. Remember their story? Remember now how you don’t care about it?
<True story time – my parents were at some event in New York that the Buttafucos attended too. My mother, never one
to be at a loss for words, when introduced to Mary Jo (Buttafuco’s wife) made the usual small talk and then came out
with this classic gem, “How’s your face?” – yet another reason I love my mother!>
My point for both McGreeveys
is that someone needs to let you know that your fifteen minutes of fame have definitely expired. You’ve both been on
Oprah and couldn’t even manage to make a best selling book out of the appearance so all ready you’ve got to know
that you’re both really dull (even with ghost writers). If you want the public to care about you, read your books or
even possibly buy them, you’re going to have to put some more money in the media meter. Jim, you’ll have to leave
the rich Australian billionaire that you’ve created Southfork New Jersey with and start dating Lance Bass. Dina, you’ll
have to start your own talk show titled, “So you think your husband is gay?” The problem is that neither of you
are interesting enough to pull either of those off.
And have you seen Jim McGreevey at his Southfork New Jersey? Oh my God, he and his luvah have managed to get
every gay cliché picture perfect. They have this sprawling mansion where they lounge on their wood Adirondack chairs
looking at the big mansion while the dogs run around in the yard. The thing is that you get the very distinct impression that
you wouldn’t want to be in either’s company for a long period of time and since all you got to see of the house
on the Oprah show was a fussy early American living room; the feeling I got was that they have doilies all over God creation,
looking as though they took the house from some ninety year old grandmother and just loved everything about it so didn’t
change a thing. Who doesn’t love a spinning wheel in the center of a room next to the Betsy Ross inspired rocker? It
just makes you go, “Hmmm. I thought the gays had better taste than this….well, I know I do (read my Queerty.com
essay http://www.queerty.com/art/the-style-issue-designing-for-two-20070613/ …hmmm…the straights can have Jim back, effective immediately.”
I have had gay
friends who have been married to women and while I understand that the guys think they’re being all butch and covering
it, I have to say that the only way a woman could not know that they were gay is because they didn’t want to know that
they were gay. These women, who look at a man as if he may be the “one” are really just looking for the white
dress and picket fence no matter what the cost to them personally. And in the case of Dina McGreevey, if you don’t think
for a minute she didn’t have her eyes on being First Lady instead of Jim’s crotch you’re mistaken. Of course,
in the cruelest twist of fate, Jim became First Lady and Dina became, well…someone who can’t sell books.
Times have changed
and there is no reason for gay men to try to “fit” in with straight society by marrying women, ruining unsuspecting
women’s lives and yet there are millions in that position right now. The thing is, with Oprah’s “down low”
or “DL” show and with all the media that the gay celebs get when they come out, you would think that at the very
least Mrs. McGreevey could sell some books with her topic, right? I haven’t read her or her husband’s book (and
I won’t) but perhaps she took the wrong approach.
Instead of writing about her long suffering (building her own cross and dragging it on the lawn of the governor’s
mansion) perhaps she should have really been writing about all the tell-tale signs that she claims she never saw in her husband
or their relationship? Seems to me that an approach like that would truly assist women in the same situation rather than claiming
ignorance for four hundred pages, causing everyone to wonder how she could have deluded herself for so long. She should tell
stories (even if they were made up) of how Jim would tell her that indeed what she had put on to wear to the cocktail party
DID make her look fat. He would make her change blouses over and over again until he liked what she had on before photo ops
with the press. Now this is the kind of stuff we would be interested in, right? Then we might have some sympathy for her or
even read her book. But unfortunately, such is not the case. And while I agree that she was married under false pretenses
and I feel a bit sorry for her, I don’t feel sorry for her that she managed to take an interesting topic and make it
so dull no one cares about it. Ex-Mrs. McCreepy (sorry, McGreevey) has slow book sales – Don’t Get Me Started!
Web Searches
– Who Are These People? – Don’t Get Me Started!
Like most websites, mine can tell me who has clicked over from another site
that has a link to mine (an example would be the “blogroll” my site is included on at www.outzonetv.com ), it can tell me how many people are visiting the site and the average
amount of times people are visiting my site. Now before you get all creeped out, thinking it’s all too, “Big Brother
is watching” for you (Yes, I’m talking directly to my pal Betsy with that comment) it does not provide me with
any personal information about you specifically. (But why ARE you wearing that pair of pants while you’re reading this?
You know it makes your ass look huge. Oh, going out to find a date and you WANT your ass to look huge…well, mission
accomplished!) And there’s a lot of data the site gives me that I have no idea what the hell it means however, I recently
looked to see the “searches” people have put into Internet search engines (like Google) that brought them to my
site. Web searches – who are these people? – Don’t Get Me Started!
Okay, now some of the following I get but a lot
I just don’t understand. Not to mention the fact that I’m sure whoever these people are, some were astonished
to find me at the end of their rainbow…I mean, search. There’s no need to comment on these really, just read
them and then tell me you don’t think some are as hysterical as I do!
gayer than jokes
tb
plane
laura s zest
listen le jazz hot
victor/victoria
mummenshantz
dreamgirls coffee
table
gayer than gay
the kids classic
my favorite things list by maria
out of business three little bakers
gay
boys wearing plastic pants
favorite things quote
gayer
than the day is long
sally field photos brother and sisters boniva too
dreamgirls
coffe
doggy door
dreamgirls youtube
gay
sits
project runway couture challenge winner
oprah
gayle hairstyle
using lotion as a lube crusty
tb
airplane passenger
gay guys in overalls stories
olsen
twins devil costume
dreamgirls curtis character
here
are a few of my favorite thing
tonner effie
www.men
shoes with tassel shoe strings
don t make me get the flying monkeys saying from wizard
of oz
sign don t make me break out my flying monkeys
pretty
sure you re gayer than this guy
who is james early supposed to be in dreamgirls?
dixie
carter hair loss
mame i didn t know you were literate
chippendale
dancers crotch bulge huge
somelikeitscott
who
is gayer than haven?
mikwright calendar quotes
mikwright
e-cards
fred astaire singing dancing in the dark youtube
gays
dressed in satin
internationalmale
logonetwork
do
scorpios like cards
the wedding singer broadway clip
upper
thigh tattoo fag
feline leukemia can human get tit from cats
dreamgirls
live interviews oprah youtube
runway model shaniqua in arizona
true
story about dreamgirls
these are just some of my favorite thing
the
three little bakers dinner theatre closing its doors
the story behind dreamgirls
the movie
project runway finale olympics fashion week show soundtrack
bert
and ernie don t ask don t tell t-shirts
mad hot
dreamgirls
family music video
morbidly obese children on the maury show
youtube
the man in the moon from mame
dreamgirls the play 1982
1982
dream girls broadway musical
bonnie bedelia youtube
things
grandmother used to say
chords for when i first saw you from dreamgirls
where
does gayle king work
scott rosenzweig blog
create
your own model to walk down the runway game
that s gayer than jokes
cute
address labels cheap
dreamgirls move music video
my
favorite things list david sedaris
gay hunky scandinavian men
oprah
and her starbucks
scott rosenzweig
youtube chicago broadway
show
obese kids on the maury show
once
you get me started you know ill never stop
caballeros gay
porcelain
chocolates cups with lids and underpants
mikwright
how
to get rid of brass from pre lightened hair
dreamgirls finale show video
cast
of dreamgirls on oprah
gay jew
t.b. knight isaiah
washington fag
dolce and gabbana jackie dress
mikwright
wine glasses
gay dress pants
dreamgirls broadway
cast pictures
gay man trying to get another gay man
gayer
than gay?
drunk celebrities
how to stop charities
from sending mailing labels
gay
jennifer holiday
dreamgirls
lowrider.gif
family guy movin
out brains song clip
dream girls jennifer holiday have kids
lance
bass buldge crotch
curtis character dreamgirls cast
gloria
upson
international male catalog gay
jennifer
holiday video download
is the movie dreamgirls a true story
muscle
gut
black lungs long nails pointy feet fetish
a
wedding dress for my sissy husband
tony awards performance dreamgirls
download
west side story jet song video clip
chicken
pox and air travel
original stage play dream girl with jennifer holiday
project
runway uli final back round music
dreamdolls
propel
and vodka
jennifer holiday performing move out of my life
peter
ishkhans gay
dreamgirls music video move
is
the movie dreamgirls based on a true story
three muskequeers
drag
queen officiant
johnny mathis gay
little white girl
she said the b word
im gayer than you shirt
80
s girl groups
dreamgirls jpg
quad whopper
tb
plane terrorist
plane flying with flag saying your gay
you
gayer than jokes
unedited project runway
guru
board for miss oklahoma pageant
original video of dreamgirls musical
mv
onenightonly
dreamgirls- one night only music video
gayer
than before
dreamgirls 80 s musical
international
male models
putting on wig video
big gay airplane
roushing
sewing techniques
west side story tonight clips
too
darn hot ann miller clip
james early wife deena
kids
designer hooch clothes shops that accept paypal payment
quicktime
why
is dr. phil so mad at oprah
tv s testing what made the smelliest fart
three
little bakers dinner theatre wilmington de closing
red mini cooper white wheels
gay
a few of my favorite things cards
hoops
and yoyo capped shirt
ignorance is bliss flash mario
2007
celebrity haircolor
don t even get me started female comedian
airline
and chicken pox
project runway doggy fun
suit
off my back
gayer than gay jokes
pictures of gay hunky
men with no clothes on
plane passenger with t.b.
favorite
theatre quotes
is vivian vance jewish
queerty planetout
dreamgirls
behind the scenes youtube
george michael always been gay
tb
plane passenger
bernadette peters singing greens from into the woods
beat
me daddy fosse
gays like scott
dreamgirls song videos
from the movie
whoever smelled it dealt it comebacks
but
... don t get me started 9/11
you re gayer than jokes
halloween
rupaul costumes
don t get me started blog
paris hilton prozac
jonathan rhys meyer
naked
original broadway cast
phil spector s favorite
food
stuffed crotches
bootlegger brief
international male
cosa nostra fashion show . aka. jeffrey winner of project
runway
gayer than gay itself
some like
dreamgirls
movie comparison to supremes
iced peppermint mocha starbucks
some
like it scott
moms letting sons fuck them for the first time stories
curtis
character dreamgirls
sally field boniva photos
mermaid
costumes that don t show your feet
one hand one heart-west side story
youtube
Now some of these I get like the “gayer than…” or the “Dreamgirls” searches but can
someone tell me who is looking for say an “upper thigh tattoo fag” or perhaps my fave, “is Vivian Vance
Jewish?” Again I ask… Web searches – who are these people? – Don’t Get Me Started!
Not your typical rant today kids...recently I was approached by a website
(www.queerty.com) to write an article about the challenges life throws gay couples when
it comes to decorating their home.
Well, as anyone who has read my site knows, my guy (of almost nineteen years
now) is a six foot black man who was an altar boy and I'm a short Jewish guy who was bar mitzvah. We are THE poster children
for hate crimes!! You can imagine how different our tastes are in many things!
The Gay Bomb - Another swell idea from our government
The Gay
Bomb – Don’t Get Me Started!
Well kids, our Pentagon has done it again. In a report that was recently released, apparently they were working on
a bomb that would contain a non-lethal chemical that would cause “the enemy” to suddenly have the urge to be attracted
to one another sexually, causing massive homosexual orgies, giving the US the opportunity to I don’t know, watch or
run in while everyone had their pants down and steal their wallets and guns. The Gay Bomb – Don’t Get Me Started!
First of all, there
are several different substances that come to mind (poppers, ecstasy, etc.) that many gays abuse that cause the gay orgy conditions
(usually centered around The White Party). But what makes this recent news go directly into the “sad but funny”
category is that the white men who run our government (who have spent millions to make us think anyone of color is a terrorist)
are now thinking they’ve outsmarted everyone by creating a bomb that would create conditions that they themselves are
frightened of yet not so for every other culture around the world (contrary to what they would have us believe). That’s
right, not everyone is afraid of us gays like the white men who run our government and just because the chemical would supposedly
make the men attracted to one another doesn’t mean that (now get ready because I know some straightees won’t believe
this one) it doesn’t mean that because there’s an attraction that the men are going to drop trow and start going
at it right there. Some of the gays have a thing called, “self-control” which is more than I can say for the congressmen
trying to date male teenage pages and evangelistic ministers who hire “massage therapists” for meth and sex.
I’m sure that
it won’t be long before the “family values” set are starting to think to themselves, if they can make a
chemical to make them gay, they should be able to make one to make them not gay. (Of course then they would have to admit
that being gay isn’t a choice but something we’re born with which I don’t think most of them have the capacity
to understand at the moment) But let’s suppose for a moment that they admit that we’re born gay. Let’s take
it to the next (ridiculous) level the same way that they would. If they could make a “straightee spray”, how long
do you think it would be before the Christian right and their pals would be rounding up us gays, putting pink triangles on
us and telling us we’re going into a disco (because you know that their perception of gays is still based on a 1970’s
notion that the ritual gay mating ground is a disco)? Once inside the “disco” they would gas us with the non-gay
spray and voila, the next thing you know, when you open the door you have a bunch of guys grabbing their balls instead of
each others. I know that this sounds like a wet dream to the born again set (and Hitler), hoping that we gays would be born
again, not only taking Jesus into our hearts but women into our beds. Unfortunately, I know a lot of gays and a lot of straights
and I’m thinking that both sides would like to keep their teams intact.
Let’s face it; the worst thing that could happen for straight men
is to have gay men turn straight. Think about it, men who are straight who have the sensitivity and sensibility of a gay man?
Trust me when I say there isn’t one original straight man that would be getting any pussy if this happened.
Meanwhile, you know
someone was paid a lot of money to come up with the idea of the gay bomb and if that is the case, where do I sign up? I mean,
I can come up with some really bad ideas too and I’d like to be paid millions for my stupidity the same as say, Halliburton.
Let’s see, I could think up a bomb that would make everyone want to wear bright pink. This way the terrorists wouldn’t
be able to hide and when they were captured and photographed they’d look pretty! Or I could come up with an idea that
we could drop a bomb to make us all skinny bitches who drive drunk and don’t contribute to society – oops, sorry
Paris, looks like you’ve all ready been hit by that bomb. (By the way, did you hear that Paris – like many convicts
– has discovered The Lord? If she starts talking like the Damon Wayans character from In Living Color who was incarcerated
and would talk about “the edification of the masturbation of the configuration” I’ll just die!)
I know that war can
be hell but coming up with ideas like turning our enemy gay isn’t going to send everyone to hell you Christian crazies.
No, the only thing it will do is save a lot of money for gay pornographers who spend money casting boys to look like they
are soldiers to star in the gay porn. No, this way they would be able to just go over to wherever the government drops the
bomb, set the camera on a tripod and come back in a few hours when the dust settles.
Sometimes you have to laugh at the ridiculous
things in life and believe me when I say I’m laughing long and hard about this one. (I know; I should never have used
“long” and “hard” in a blog about this topic.) But just remember that the theory Bush sold us all
on to get into this war is the same theory he’ll use for this new chemical technology. “We’re making gays
over there so that we won’t have to have gays here.” It’s about as sound as every other decision and preposterous
theory he’s sold us. Let’s just hope that they make the gay bomb smell like Paco Rabbanne and not one of the Axe
sprays! The Gay Bomb – Don’t Get Me Started!
The 2007 Tony Awards - Is this really what we did for love?
The 2007
Tony Awards – Don’t Get Me Started!
“And I dug right down to the bottom of my soul and tried…but
I felt nothing.” (From the song, “Nothing” from A Chorus Line) Oh the evening started out glitzy and great
enough with the cast of A Chorus Line out on the street in front of Radio City but the moment the stars were revealed with
their headshots (cute idea by the way) that was the end of what made a Broadway award show as dull as the season it was celebrating.
The 2007 Tony Awards – Don’t Get Me Started!
For those of you shocked that this blog entry didn’t appear yesterday
I know, and I agree with you but the Sopranos finale took precedence on Sunday night and I waited until last evening (all
of last evening – now we know how the people who saw the nine hour The Coast of Utopia felt) to watch the Tonys.
I knew we were in for some trouble when Broadway Legend, Angela Lansbury came out and couldn’t read the prompter
to the point that it made you look like the old RCA Victor “Nipper” dog logo – head cocked and an expression
of confusion on your face. But take away this karfuffle at the start of the night and you have…well, you have…um…you
have what would turn out to be quite the boring show.
I would like to ask right now that the writers of award shows stop trying to be funny (this goes for winners of awards
too, who quote something that their inner circle of six people they’ve worked with get but that the whole audience just
stares blankly at and gives no response) No, imagine how much longer everyone could speak when they get an award and how we
could have what they called the “Creative Arts” awards included in the telecast if people weren’t trying
to do shtick that some writers in a room thought was funny but the presenters can’t deliver and it really has nothing
to do with the show anyway? Look, every presenter is “somebody” so let’s just look at them and listen to
them read the nominees and the winner while we criticize their hair and the fact that they wore a dress similar to the color
of tea stained teeth, washing the woman completely out along with her make up person who made the choice to just do her eyes
and not her lips or vice versa in a new look that can only be described as undone – and yes, it’s undone me.
The musical contributions
were tepid at best. Spring Awakening, the big winner just looks and sounds like the 2007 version of Rent to me. I don’t
know, doesn’t really make me want to see it and the creators were so unappealing that it made the show seem even less
attractive to me. I’m sure it’s brilliant and that it’s changing the way we look at the American Musical
Theatre but I’ve seen a lot of Broadway and I’ll let the original A Chorus Line be what changed musical theatre
for me, not teenage angst done to a score that seems to rely on obscenities rather than substance. While I love the source
material of Grey Gardens and think both the actresses are wonderful the score seems like songs that are being made up as they
go along – where’s Jerry Herman when you need him? Curtains looks like a fun romp and after all if that many Broadway
heavyweights (are you listening Debra Monk?) in the cast can’t make a show work than we’re all in trouble. Loved
Audra McDonald in Ragtime but her performance from 110 In The Shade reminded me more of a high school girl in her bedroom
rather than a Broadway performance. And then you have Mary Poppins which I thought would be a Technicolor throw back to the
Golden Broadway musical era heyday that just fell flat giving off a dated (and not in a good way) sort of vibe. I wanted to
love it…I didn’t. But that can be said of the entire evening.
The plays seemed to fair better, although I’ll never get over a nine
hour show. I guess it’s really method acting as the actors actually age as the show gets presented (and so does the
audience, probably).
The performance of the evening was shockingly enough, Fantasia. She is the reason I would see The Color Purple. Another
score that doesn’t really “sing” to me, I had no interest in seeing it but seeing Fantasia act through that
number (even in that incongruous evening gown) was the only edge of the seat moment provided all night. And you know I’m
not wrong when they pan to Idina Menzel moved to tears watching the performance. This is what Broadway was and should be about,
the performances.
I know that we need to support the Tonys even when it’s a year that doesn’t have a “Wicked”
but this year’s show was less than great and although I think having a less than great Broadway season was a major factor
the production was off too. The whole memorandum piece delivered by Tommy Tune (who by the way, must be sleeping in formaldehyde
because he looks exactly the same) seemed to take the show’s director by surprise, not choosing the right camera angles
to give us a good look at the screen showing the dead people or Tommy Tune. It was jerky (and not just the camera shots).
Perhaps the greatest
blow to me was the fact that a show that did revolutionize the theatre was turned into a mere footnote in the proceedings.
A Chorus Line meant a lot to a lot of people and I’m one of them (Read about my Chorus Line experience here…
http://www.somelikeitscott.com/somelikegay.html ). The thing about A Chorus Line is that it was a new way of looking
at the performers behind the magic that was Broadway and seeing them exposed was more riveting than any reality television
show today. I haven’t seen the revival but I’ve been told the edge is gone and that the entire production is a
little too “acted” to give it the original bite it had when first put up on Broadway and that’s a shame.
But if you had told any of us back in the 70’s when we first saw A Chorus Line that it would be put in an “also
ran” category we would have told you that you were nuts. I guess times do change but I still want to believe that shows
like A Chorus Line, Evita and more will always have a place of prominence on Broadway and not a “been there, done that”
classification.
I don’t think Spring Awakening is changing theatre, I think it got lucky to be in a mediocre season and be
just “what the fuck is this” enough for people to call it art (something that happens in theatre, movies and other
forms of art). As for me, I’ll still look for the next Grand Hotel or Fiddler, hoping for the next Jule Styne, Comden
and Green, or Cy Coleman to appear and bring us back to Broadway. The Broadway that we all loved and cherished before it became
about putting lame celebrities in parts to keep shows open (Are you listening Tony Danza who is on his way to star as “Max”
in The Producers here in Vegas after a mediocre run on Broadway). “Won’t forget, can’t regret, what I did
for love.” The 2007 Tony Awards – Don’t Get Me Started!
Peter Pace Out Of The Cabinet, Not The Closet Boys!
Peter Pace
Is Out…Of His Job, That Is – Don’t Get Me Started!
After the recent comment by the chairman of the Chief Joints Of Staff, General
Peter Pace (regarding homosexuality being immoral) you would think that we gays would be throwing a parade over his leaving
his post (let’s face it, on the whole, we’ll throw a parade about anything). However, a closer examination will
show you that this is just another illusion created by our faves in the White House to save their own ass being probed! Peter
Pace is out…of his job, that is – Don’t Get Me Started!
You see, the real reason that General Pace is out on his ass has nothing
to do with his comments about us gays or the fact that the war (that he’s basically in charge of) is going so poorly.
No, the reason that he is out is because apparently when you go up for another two year term you have to go in front of a
congressional committee and the powers that be were scared that the questions the committee would ask Pace would be too damaging.
Of course that’s not what they’re saying. They’re saying that the questions would focus too much on the
past and that we have to move on if we’re going to get this war thing settled, etc. We can’t spend time looking
at the past when our future is at stake.
Okay, let’s face it, this is the dumbest idea someone with a marketing degree from a two year college ever
came up with for the Republicans. Do they really expect us to believe this? I’ll admit that we all have short attention
spans (right now as I’m writing this I’m thinking about this, my job, my life and something shiny all at the same
time) but God love us, some of us haven’t quite gotten to the point where we get fucked up the ass and don’t remember
it. (I know, speak for myself, right?)
The thing about General Pace is that to be honest, until he was asked about, “Don’t Ask, Don’t
Tell” and made his homosexuals are immoral crack, I didn’t know anything about the guy. And to hear that a military
leader thinks us gays are immoral well frankly it didn’t surprise or shock me. It was another one of those, “Oh
God, here we go again moments.” But here’s the deal, he’s not being “put down” like a puppy
who was born with his heart outside his chest, no, he’s being put down because they don’t want to face the scrutiny
that’s bound to come up against this guy so the only thing on his chest is going to be some medals, a new post and I’m
sure no doubt a book deal.
What we should be focused on is why they don’t want to talk about all the bloopers and blunders that have been
this war. At this point there’s plenty for them to do a two hour show hosted by Dick Clark about the goofy stupidity
that has been this war. (Hey, there’s an idea; and we could get the soldiers who are now making videos on YouTube to
send in their classic blooper moments from the front – have you ever heard anything so ridiculous as the whole videos
from the front idea? – Another blog for another day - Come on; are we fighting a war or is Bravo doing Project Camouflage
in Iraq?) And when they say that they don’t want to focus on the past frankly, it just makes all us Jews (and should
everyone else) a little more than a little nervous. You see, that’s one of the big mantras that came out of the whole
Holocaust deal, “Never Again” – if we do not learn from our past, we’re doomed to repeat it.
In my humble opinion,
we should be talking a lot about our past and our failings when it comes to the war and everything else this government has
done. You know, just in case we may want to learn something from our past mistakes. Don’t worry, I’m not going
to grow a beard, go live in a small hut on a farm in Iowa and send hate through the Internet. (I’ll leave that to the
professionals like the KKK, other hate mongers and General Pace) But you have to wonder why our government is the most dysfunctional
family (though all they preach continuously about are their so-called, “family values”) in the world? Instead
of discussing a problem, they prefer to defer, sulk and just not say anything. And we all know that this is the perfect way
to solve your problems with someone, the silent treatment and then eventually (hopefully) everyone gets over what they were
mad about and moves on. You know, like a friend of mine always talks about the way her family settles something, “I
showed him, I was so mad at him but I just didn’t say anything to him!”
Maybe we need to send the government into the Dr.
Phil house to understand why General Pace has so much pent up rage over us gays, why Bush can never admit he’s wrong
and why none of us felt bad when Jerry Falwell died. Or we can continue to make the same mistakes and act surprised that we’ve
made them all over again, allowing Pace and the others to do a take into the camera with their hands up in the air, with an
adorable, “Got Me?” look on their face.
I’m glad that Pace is leaving but let’s face it kids he ain’t the problem here, is he? We all know
where the real problem is and the only thing we have against Pace is that he let his inside voice do the talking when his
lips were moving. I don’t care that General Pace thinks that my lifestyle is immoral because I find what he’s
been doing to assist the “powers that be” to keep this war running immoral too. So we’re even, the only
difference is that he’ll be on Larry King and I’ll continue to only have readers that go searching on Google for
Danke Schoen by Wayne Newton stumble upon my blog! Peter Pace is out…of his job, that is – Don’t Get Me
Started!
Isaiah
Washington Washed (er..scrubbed) From Grey’s – Don’t Get Me Started!
As I’ve said before, I don’t
watch the show Grey’s Anatomy and most likely won’t as my Tivo is like a great nightclub – no one (in this
case, shows) are getting in until someone leaves. I need my trash television and my Studio 60 (which I guess I’m watching
alone according to the ratings – come on people a well written and well acted show like this needs to survive –
watch with me on Thursday nights, will ya?). The reason I’ve taken any interest at all in Grey’s Anatomy is due
to the “gay” incident or “f” incident as some would call it, when Isaiah Washington referred to co-star
T.R. Knight as a faggot. (There I’ve written it – and will continue to do so as it’s so much easier for
someone like me who never took a typing course to not have to bother with the quotation marks, you know, hold the shift key,
etc. – ugh) According to the latest reports, Washington’s contract has not been renewed so he won’t be back
next season. Isaiah Washington washed (er…scrubbed) from Grey’s – Don’t Get Me Started!
Washington has
been credited as saying about the firing, “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore.”
First of all, you’re situation is too insignificant for you to try to use a classic Hollywood line (that was delivered
amazingly by Peter Finch in the movie Network). Nice try but once again, your words have failed you. Seems to me you shoulda
oughta known you can’t go against the gay mafia when it comes to Hollywood because they’re less forgiving then
when you broke you’re mother’s antique vase while playing ball in the living room. No more will the gay powers
that be stand back (or bend over) and take it from celebs who don’t show the respect they should be showing (at least
publicly). As Mel Brooks said in To Be Or Not To Be, “Without Jews, Gypsys and faggots there would be no theatre!”
We all know that Washington
was wrong and wouldn’t it be nice if we held all public figures to the same scrutiny we do our actors? I don’t
know, say, people like General Pace who called homosexuality immoral? (Read that blog... Seems to me we should be more worried about a PSA
from General Pace than Isaiah Washington ) And at the same time the “victim”
in all of this scandal, T.R. Knight deserves the pussy of the year award. I didn’t expect him to challenge Washington
to a duel (apparently that’s what his gal pal Katherine Heigl is there to do) but his lack of turning this thing around
frankly feeds into the whole limp wristed, weak gay stereotype.
Oh sure, he’s on the cover of The Advocate’s latest issue but
when you read the article you really have to wonder how someone with so little personality like Knight became a personality.
More shocking was a piece they did about Neil Patrick Harris and Knight appearing at a GLAAD dinner in April where Knight
received thunderous applause and a standing ovation and Harris received only a few claps. (You see, we don’t like to
talk about it all that much but we can be really bitchy as a community, even at high falutin’ dinners.) The reason for
no standing “O” for Harris was because he had (pardon the expression) skirted the issue about his sexuality for
years before coming out (imagine wanting to keep one’s personal life private – there’s dumb for you, right?
<Sarcasm folks>) But because Knight came out after being pushed out by the incident with Washington, apparently he’s
more “worthy” of our gay adulation. I’d like to remind us gays at this point that he wasn’t the one
who broke the story, he didn’t break ranks to talk to the press after it happened and he wasn’t in Brokeback Mountain.
So no need to get out your hankies for Knight, boys. He was an unwilling participant in a scandal who did nothing to help
educate or move beyond it. (Can you say time for a new press agent?)
I don’t expect Knight to go on a tour of high schools with an, “It’s
okay to be gay” message but I would have liked him to at least do more than just sheepishly walk around like someone’s
dullard second cousin with his head down going, “Um…yeah, gay…um…yup, that’s me.” But
he didn’t and I got over it (quickly). I thought that we had all moved on until I saw the firing of Washington in the
news today.
Washington will
undoubtedly get another job and Knight will grip onto Grey’s until the last bit of life is out of it and in ten years
none of us will remember either of them unless they find a way to keep re-inventing themselves like Madonna. I don’t
wish them ill I just wish we as a society could at some point stop focusing on things like this and start focusing on things
that really matter. I’m all for us gays getting equal rights but where we get these people who don’t understand
or hate us is by living our lives respectfully and positively, leading by example in their neighborhoods. Bottom line here
is that Washington deserves what he got so hopefully they won’t give him any more publicity and we can all go on with
our own pursuits of happiness. Isaiah Washington washed (er…scrubbed) from Grey’s – Don’t Get Me
Started!
Paris Hilton Uses Her Platinum Get Out Of Jail Free Card!
Paris
Takes A Powder – Don’t Get Me Started!
Well, I don’t know that any of us could possibly even act surprised
by the news that Paris Hilton was released from jail citing, “medical reasons” and will serve the rest of her
sentence in the comfort of her own home. I can only imagine what the “medical reasons” were but for those of you
who are staunch Paris lovers don’t worry, although she only spent three days in the slammer she’s being credited
for five. Another great example of the celebrity justice system doing what it does best - allowing the elite to make the laws
and then get out of jail free when it comes to one of their own. Paris takes a powder – Don’t Get Me Started!
Back in the gangster
movies of the 1940’s they used to say someone was taking a “powder” when they were hiding out (usually after
committing a crime) the thing is that with Paris she really isn’t taking a powder as much as she’s thumbing her
nose at the entire criminal court system and now we know that justice is not only blind; the lady with the two scales and
blindfold is taking it up the ass on this one.
Why the anger? I’ll tell you why. Because like it or not, Paris Hilton is a public figure who is (and I’m
cringing when I say this) a role model for young girls. How sad will it be for the wannabe Paris girls across the country
when they decide to emulate their idol, get in trouble and unless Mommy and Daddy have enough cash, find themselves sitting
in a prison cell saying, “But Paris got to go home.” More importantly, what does it tell all the people in jail
and those about to go to jail (some unjustly)? After all, not all of us have the name Scooter and a bunch of people lobbying
to get us pardoned. Let’s face it, if you’re rich, white and a celebrity then crime away and get you’re
very own platinum get out of jail free card.
I’m not saying I wanted to see Paris in the workout yard with Brenda the Boss Lady treating Paris like her
prison bitch but come on doesn’t this person who treated her life and others with great disregard being drunk and driving
deserve to spend a little time working in at the very least the prison library? Who knows, she might even learn to read.
I guess the big question
here more than anything is why do celebrities drive at all? We all know that they have drivers, usually the same ones that
spend their time sitting on the hood of the car while their celebrity is in some party getting fucked up beyond belief. The
chauffeur’s job is to keep their mouth shut and just quietly clean the vomit out of the car without letting the paparazzi
get a shot of it. So with this pampering so readily available to them, why do they all continue to drive? If the want to drive
that badly (yes, intended both ways), rent out a race track for the day, drive drunk and only kill yourself please.
At the end of the day,
it’s not about the drinking and it’s not about the driving. It’s about the protected privileged class continuing
to show society that it truly is a “do as I say, but don’t expect me to live up to that standard myself”
kind of world for these folks. I read recently that companies are hiring (in essence) cheerleaders for their companies. These
people are responsible for coming up with programs and implementing them for the new “me” generation. These corporate
caregivers come up with such things as “employee of the day” instead of month because immediate gratification
and satisfaction will keep the employee interested in working. Well, I hope that these companies are ready to hire Super Nanny
to clean up the overindulgent mess they are making for themselves.
I know, I suddenly sound very old but come on, at some point don’t
we have to teach the next generation something other than how to text to order a pizza and instead teach them to take some
responsibility for their actions? And shouldn’t we hold the people who are taking our money when we buy their products,
watch their movies and their television shows accountable and demand they at least do what they used to sing about in the
old TV show Baretta, “Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time.” Don’t our celebrities at
the very least owe us that much? Apparently not, apparently we should all just be worried that the anklet that Paris is having
put on may chafe her or not fit at all on those skinny chicken bone ankles. No worries, I’m sure that even with her
“medical condition” Paris will find a way to get out of the remaining days of her sentence and still host a party
for some liquor company (receiving a hundred thousand dollars), stating that it was part of her rehabilitation or something.
All we can hope is that Paris does have a medical condition and that it will keep us from seeing her for a few weeks, um…days…well,
okay, hours. Paris takes a powder – Don’t Get Me Started!
Gayle King Not Talented Enough To Play Ethel To Oprah's Lucy
It’s
Good To Be The King…Gayle King Oprah’s Best Friend, That Is – Don’t Get Me Started!
Now I really don’t
begrudge anyone anything that luck happens to dump in their lap and the same goes for Ms. Gayle King, Oprah’s best friend.
She’s very lucky that her best gal pal is one of the most influential and richest people in their world. It’s
a little like picking your parents in a way. She knew Oprah before she was a mega-billionaire so she may or may not have known
just how big a star she was “hitching her star to” but nonetheless, her horse has come in and she’s reaping
the benefits. It’s good to be the king…Gayle King Oprah’s best friend, that is – Don’t Get
Me Started!
It has occurred to me
on more than one occasion that I do not have the friends that could turn into another Oprah and put me on their payroll (damn
it all to hell). Everyone knows that these “friends” (or more likely sycophants and leeches) usually just make
sure that the Perrier is the right temperature and the crust is off the bread but sometimes, just sometimes, they get put
in positions that really they have no business being in and yet no one seems to care because, after all, they are so and so’s
best friend. (Let me just say, I’m ready, willing and able – billionaires, apply here – I’m fun to
be around on a regular basis at parties and very creative!)
Well, I’m not picking on Gayle King but honestly what are
her qualifications? And more importantly, where do I sign up? All you have to do is watch a few shows that Gayle is on with
Oprah and you begin to see the whole dynamic. Gayle is basically Oprah’s bitch. Oprah can make fun of Gayle, tell her
how wrong or stupid she is and yet Gayle sits there with a smile on her face like Oliver from the musical, saying, “Please
sir, I want some more!” But come on, wouldn’t you? Don’t bite the hand that feeds you, right?
Recently I heard
that Gayle King was one of the people being considered as a replacement on The View. Here’s the problem with that one,
Gayle is one of the dullest people I’ve ever watched on television. She has nothing to offer (except that she’s
Oprah’s pal). I can’t even imagine her being able to do the show without referencing Oprah every few minutes and
having Oprah call in on an earpiece to tell her what to say.
I watched the road trip they took and this
more than anything proved that Gayle is Oprah’s baby sister that takes a sibling beating at least once an hour. While
Oprah looks disgusted and hurls insults at Gayle, Gayle pouts and tries (unsuccessfully) to deflect the taunts. But I guess
if it works for them, who am I to say?
Well, what I’d like Gayle to say to Oprah are things like, “Yes, you’re the boss of me but you
don’t own me, bosswoman.” I’d like Gayle to tell Oprah not to sing with every musical guest that is on the
show while she keeps looking at the camera to see if they’re getting a shot of her singing along with the musical guest.
Gayle could tell her that that bushy, all thrown up on the top of her head hairstyle looks like shit. And she could let Oprah
know that having middle aged white women scream at the top of their lungs because they’re getting a nail file and the
latest sunglasses from some company that is supposedly “Oprah’s favorite” is more than a little annoying
for the home viewers. If Gayle did these things, perhaps she would be more interesting and could become a serious contender
to break out on her own (after the considerable leg up from her pal).
But no, I fear we’re doomed to watch segments of Gayle trying to find
the perfect burger across the country while Oprah makes fun of her love of food (as if Oprah doesn’t love her a good
burger) and belittle her on national television so that Oprah can seem like the funnier and prettier one. In a way it’s
a little like watching Ethel and Lucy. It’s widely known now that it was in Lucy’s contract to make sure that
Ethel (Vivian Vance) never had nicer clothes or hair than Lucy. Ethel was contractually supposed to be frumpier at all times.
This didn’t make the show work better, just made Lucy feel better about herself (just as I suspect it does for Oprah).
Of course the difference here is that Vivian Vance was a scream. If you ever doubt it, watch the episode where they visit
Ethel Mae Potter’s home town in New Mexico to see the brilliance that was Vivian Vance.
Unfortunately, I don’t see that
kind of brilliance coming from Gayle King. But then again, does she really need to produce anything to be the straight man
for Oprah’s comedy act? I guess it works for them and obviously for millions of women and men who watch them both but
if Oprah ever decided to do a reality show she should consider doing Who Wants To Be Gayle King. People would line up for
miles and miles to get a crack at dethroning King. Because after all, it’s good to be the king…Gayle King Oprah’s
best friend, that is – Don’t Get Me Started!
Maury and Dr. Phil Make Me Feel Better About Me (For All The Wrong Reasons)
Maury and
Dr. Phil Make Me Feel Like A Better Man – Don’t Get Me Started!
I don’t know what it is, human nature? That
we need to see others suffering more than us to make us feel better about our situation or station in life but on my lowest
days I just don’t know what I would do without these shows to give me a much needed lift about how I view my life. Maury
and Dr. Phil make me feel like a better man – Don’t Get Me Started!
Any knowledge I have can be attributed to what I learned from musicals.
The one thing I know for sure is that this is what they were singing about in the song, “Schadenfreude” from the
show, Avenue Q is dead on. It states that schadenfreude is a German word which means “happiness at the misfortune of
others” and of course it also appeals to my sense of Jewish consciousness that it’s a German word!
When I watch those shows
with the women who are testing the four hundredth guy who may possibly be the father of one of the seventeen kids she has
or see Dr. Phil trap a family in a house filled with cameras to watch them self destruct, I can’t help but think, “Well,
at least my family isn’t that bad.” I mean, sure we’re co-dependent (we’re Jews for Chrissakes) and
get on one another’s nerves but I can’t see my mother dragging my father onto the Maury show to hear, “Joe,
you are NOT the father.” Mainly because my brother and I look exactly like our Dad and at this point in our lives we’ve
resigned ourselves to the fact that we are a family of short Jews with lots of cancer running through our family tree. (Some
things you learn to accept with time and age.)
Yesterday on Maury they had on kids that were morbidly obese because they are being overfed by their parents or grandparents.
(Morbidly obese is being kind. These toddlers look like the Michelin Man or the big Stay-Puf Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters)
I don’t get it frankly. Growing up we got to eat whatever we wanted but I never had my grandmother feed me so much I
threw up (like the grandmother on this show). It seems ridiculous that these people claim they don’t know why their
two-year-old child is a hundred pounds when they are feeding them an entire rasher of bacon, Twinkies and curly fries hourly.
This hardly seems to require a show about it or the (Maury regular) sweater vest with no shirt wearing huge black guy (who
we have no idea what his credentials are, other than he must really have some smelly sweater vests not wearing at least a
t-shirt under them) to come and yell at these parents. Maury should stick to the paternity and “Is it a she or he”
shows.
Fast forward to Dr.
Phil who has a family caught like rats in the Dr. Phil house. A family that spews venom at one another like a bunch of serpents,
we watch as they destroy one another’s spirit and general lives trying to be less like Molly Brown (saving people on
the Titanic – Debbie Reynolds movie musical required watching for all of you, The Unsinkable Molly Brown) and more like
the iceberg itself. Dr. Phil comes in occasionally to shake things up, yell at everyone and I guess give what could be considered
therapeutic advice but you definitely feel as if this family is headed for destruction and all you can do is slow your car
down and try to look while you’re trying to not really look and stop traffic, looking at their misfortune thanking your
lucky stars that it isn’t you.
Don’t get me wrong, I do have compassion for these people. Come on, you’re talking to the guy who can’t
watch Extreme Home Makeover without getting dehydrated from sobbing so much. But I’m also a firm believer that we create
our own hell for ourselves right here on earth and these people seem to excel in doing just that to themselves. And isn’t
the whole, “Thank God it isn’t me” factor exactly what gives these shows their high ratings? That mob mentality
of preying on the weaker than is what keeps the animal kingdom in check after all, doesn’t it?
Well in the words of the “Elephant
Man” - “I am not an animal, I am a human being.” I feel for these people and am not someone with the greatest
self esteem myself but when I watch these shows, I can’t help but think, “At least I’m not the Elephant
Man, Sh’quandry looking for a baby’s daddy or being put in the Doctor Phil house (yet).” I know exactly
what to do. I’ll go get a Peppermint Mocha from Starbucks (self medication) and say a little prayer that there are people
out there who have it worse than me (also including in my prayer that I hope they find a way to make things better for themselves)
and be okay that I feel a little bit better that I’m not one of them. Maury and Dr. Phil make me feel like a better
man – Don’t Get Me Started!
Paris Goes To Prison - The Feel Good Comedy Of The Year!
No Pancho
For Paris Hilton – Don’t Get Me Started!
Well, Paris has started her jail term and should be back out around 23 days
from now. What will we do without her? Um, I don’t know, live our lives perhaps? We’ll see how long she actually
stays in and if the correctional system can stand her for that period of time. The big concern (of course) is who and how
they’re going to get a camera in to jail to get a photo of Paris behind bars. It could bring as much as $500,000 they’re
claiming and everyone but everyone is trying to not get a file past the prison guards but a Nikon or any other kind of camera.
As I don’t know how jail works, I’m assuming that cell phones are out of the question so no one can even snap
a picture of her in the visitation area when her pals come to visit. The thing that makes this celeb prison time seem less
interesting to me is that she is so self-centered and stupid. Although she has shown savvy in creating a high profile career
for herself based on having no talent, I doubt in her single cell she’ll have a large opportunity to get chummy with
her prison mates like Martha Stewart did. And besides, at least Martha could teach them how to spruce up their cell, what
does Paris have to offer to these people that would be of value? “No, those sunglasses are far too small for you. Unless
they cover your entire face and parts of the sides of your head, they just aren’t big enough.” No, I can’t
see Paris being a prison favorite. No pancho for Paris Hilton – Don’t Get Me Started!
The prison has claimed that although
she’ll have a private room, she’ll have to abide by all the same rules as other prisoners including eating the
same meals and observing bedtime at the same time as her prison gal pals. (Of course she won’t be mixing and mingling
too much with the prison population) So does that mean that although she’ll be just like every other prisoner she’ll
be getting meals delivered in to her cell? And at Paris’ weight does she look like she really eats anyway?
There have been additional
rumors that Paris will spend her time writing in a journal so that she can publish a book upon her release from prison about
her experiences. As I’ve never been one to get all starry eyed over the stars and their lives on a regular basis, when
all she has to write about is herself, it could make for a very dull book. I see lots of doodling…smiley faces (drawn
to look thinner than usual smiley faces) and lots and lots of stick figures. Think of Van Gogh’s self portrait and then
think of Paris’ – a stick figure with a lot of hair and glasses with a disclaimer that says, “Actual Size.”
Some have said that she might actually have trouble finding a publisher for her tome but I find that hard to believe.
The bottom line here
is that no one and I mean no one, whether it be the media, people around the water cooler or on school playgrounds should
have any sympathy for Paris’ predicament. She claims that she wants hers to be a cautionary tale for young people. Oh
it is, believe me. Because I’m sure the majority of the youth in America are hotel heiresses that will encounter these
problems. Yeah, right. And yet, it is a cautionary tale because although they may not come from the same wealth or privilege
that Paris does at least now they will see that even Paris can get caught and so can they, except they won’t get a private
cell.
In a world where we
treat our reality stars as if they’ve got talent because they put their every day spoiled lives on television screens,
we can only hope that The Simple Life Prison Edition teaches Paris more than when she and Nicole trashed people’s businesses,
property and lives on their show. Is it wrong of me to hope that they make her scrub a toilet or two during her stay so that
she really gets a taste of the simple life? Isn’t that what the other prisoners have to do and after all, isn’t
she supposed to be treated just like the rest of them? Let’s hope we don’t have to hear Entertainment Tonight
and the rest of the shows speculate on what she’s doing every day for the next twenty-three days. Let’s hope we
can enter a world that is Paris-free for a few weeks and when it’s all over, all the press can meet her at the door
of the prison and see her take her jubilant steps to freedom. The only thing we can really be sure of is that she will not
be wearing things made by her pals from the inside she’ll no doubt have designers tripping over themselves to design
her coming out outfit. No pancho for Paris Hilton – Don’t Get Me Started!
Starbucks
Peppermint Mocha…The New Prozac? – Don’t Get Me Started!
So I’ve been off the coffee (for the most
part) for weeks now, (which is something) considering I used to drink it every day. Now let me say that you have to clean
your system out before you attempt this one. I was off the coffee for over a week before I tried the once or twice a week
thing, I guess you could call me a “social” coffee drinker now. But here’s the deal, I have always just
gotten iced “Americanos” (shots of espresso that somehow make me feel patriotic due to the name) at Starbucks.
Never been one for the latest blended or farchachta flavor of the month drinks. That is with one exception, I have always
loved the Peppermint Mocha. (After all, I have always said that the Junior Mint is the one perfect food created by God…chocolatey
and minty at the same time…this goes for Thin Mint Girl Scout cookies as well) They used to only have the Peppermint
Mocha in December around the holidays but now they offer it year round. And what I’ve discovered (even before I was
off my seven day a week habit) is that when I’m down, feeling low, a Peppermint Mocha will change my outlook and perspective
on life toot suite! Starbucks Peppermint Mocha…the new Prozac? – Don’t Get Me Started!
I’m sure it’s a whole chemical
thing with the caffeine and sugar racing through my body (I like to imagine it like Dennis Quaid racing through Martin Short’s
body in the movie, Innerspace) but whatever it is and although sometimes it may only last for a few hours, I love it, love
life and myself and can that be so wrong? Oh I know some of you are thinking, “This guy is nuts, get him on a therapist’s
couch or something, he sounds like he’s talking about crack for Chrissakes.” But all I can say (in my defense)
is that if loving the Peppermint Mocha is wrong, I don’t want to be right!
I’m sure that there are plenty of studies
showing how caffeine is slowly rotting our insides out or making our nervous system move too fast for our own good or at the
very least giving us cancer (what doesn’t nowadays?). And that we’ll find out that there’s some odd preservative
that Starbucks puts in their coffee that actually makes it more addicting than watching reality television but for now, I’ll
take whatever happiness I can get my hands on, no matter if it’s manufactured or going to eventually cause me to end
up in the Screen Actors’ Home For The Aged (I’ve paid my dues all these years with nothing to show for it so I
always say I’m going to make them take me into one of their senior homes so that at least I will have gotten something
from paying my dues). I’ll be walking around like the living dead with my cardboard Starbucks coffee cup in my hand
saying, “Starbucks is made from people!” (Read that blog here…Have you ever tried getting off of the Starbucks?
Well, I have...) Not a pretty future but I’m going to be like the young
(or Scarlett O’Hara) and not worry about the future while I’m on my Starbucks Peppermint Mocha high. No, I’ll
just say. “Fiddle Dee Dee, I’ll think about that tomorrow.” as I make that undeniable noise that comes from
sucking the last few drops with a straw from the bottom of a plastic cup with only ice and the last few remnants of the drink
that was so delicious.
Sure in this day and
age I’m sure it wouldn’t be difficult to have my doctor put me on something to make me feel better about daily
life but when I have all of you to read my rants (send cash…okay, so there’s not a lot of this coming in but
you can’t blame a boy for trying) and Peppermint Mochas do I really need medication? Okay, don’t answer that one.
But do me a favor, the next time you feel kind of (or really) crappy about yourself or life in general go to the corner to
your local Starbucks. Starbucks Peppermint Mocha…the new Prozac? – Don’t Get Me Started!
began years
ago when I was at dinner with a producer from a dinner theater where I worked for eleven years. (It's what I refer to
as My Dazzling Dinner Theater Days)
I was riled up about something and this producer
said, "You should have a radio show where people call and get you fired up and you just go off." As I had a reputation
for going on a tirade the likes of Dixie Carter on Designing Women (remember this was years ago) and as I was constantly starting
my sentences with the phrase above; when I started blogging I decided that this might be a way to get my rants out to the
public at large.
I hope you enjoy them as much as I enjoy writing
them.
Scott
Forty-Something Gay
Since the site began in August of 2006, people have been writing in (okay, mostly my Mother) telling me that
I needed to do a video blog (or “vblog”) like Rosie and everyone else in the world. Writing the “Don’t
Get Me Started” blog five times a week is daunting enough without adding video production on top of it. Plus, what would
be different about the video blog from the written blog? After the huge response from my blog about being a Forty-Something
Gay during Pride week, it hit me that my video blog would feature topics for us garden variety Forty-Something Gays! I hope
you enjoy them as well as the rest of the Some Like It Scott site!
Some Music While You Read?
At the request of Some Like It Scott reader, Grayson (though
I'm sure some others agree) you can now read or listen or read and listen when on the "Don't Get Me Started"
page. Click below to turn the music on and scroll to the bottom to find out what you're listening to!
That's right, Don't Get Me Started! I have no
idea what I was thinking. Well, not true, I thought it looked fabulous. The hair was sufficiently “palmed” out
to give it height and that’s not a shadow you see behind my head, it’s the true bi-level cut of the 80’s
going on, not a mullet, my friends, an honest to goodness Duran Duran inspired bi-level! I had purchased this Gulden's
mustard colored all silk suit at Bloomingdale's with the collarless purple silk shirt and just knew I looked fabulous.
(What a difference a decade or so makes, huh?)
Anyway, I was simply overwhelmed by how many people wrote in telling
me about their hair and fashion disasters, everything from a "Super Freak" outfit to get into a Rick James concert
to a swell guy who wrote about his perm that gave him that “greatest star” Streisand “Star Is Born”
look, or so he thought until he reflected back on it “with one more look at you.”
What's your fashion disaster that was caught on film?